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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Light-hearted- DH food shopping

75 replies

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/10/2020 13:33

DH did the food shopping today. He forgot several important items. He declares the shopping list wasn't specific enough. I asked him before he went if anything needed clarifying.

Items forgotten...
Sliced Cheese (I had listed sandwich fillings)
Breakfast items... Only bought stuff he liked
Crisps for the BBQ (BBQ food was listed... He likes to chose)
Bread rolls... He's bought a total of 12 for 6 people.

I also forgot to list another item, so accept responsibility.

So... Whose fault is the shopping fail... Me for not listing every item individually, or him for being thoughtless.

(We do have a lot of meat.)

(Plus the pumpkins... If he couldn't get 3 little ones, why not 1 big one for all 3 to share?)

This is meant as light-hearted. He's usually very competent, and regularly does the food shopping.

OP posts:

UnconvincingUsername · 29/10/2020 17:13

I don’t necessarily agree that doing a shopping list for someone else is ‘wifework’. It’s just a practical way of making sure you get what you wanted if someone else is going to the shops.

If he goes to the shop, I have to tell DH exactly what I want. That’s not because he’s useless but because he doesn’t know exactly what I’ve planned and I want the stuff I actually need. He’ll also come back with whatever he fancied while he was there, but the list was because he was doing me a favour. He’ll be specific if he’s asked me for something when I’m going to the shop.

Mostly we do online shopping that we can both add stuff too. And we have a wipe board in the kitchen that we write shopping list items on so whoever does the online shop doesn’t forget anything. So trips to the shops are usually because I’m cooking and I need something we’re missing. Or DH has decided he wants to deviate from the plan in some way.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2020 17:18

That sounds like a really vague list, that probably only made sense to you.

He should have written his own list, then asked if you wanted to add anything. The shopper needs to take ownership of the list. The only other way, is for it to be absolutely precise.

CutToChase · 29/10/2020 17:21

What I take away from this is you need to cut back on your bread intake

MitziK · 29/10/2020 17:47

Except you then shouldn't criticise someone for the decisions they have made

Why would I? He's just as likely to be cooking it as I am. I'm not going to do the thinking for him as well as for myself.

diddl · 29/10/2020 18:09

"Except you then shouldn't criticise someone for the decisions they have made."

What makes you think that I do?

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 29/10/2020 18:30

I don't think you eat enough 😉🤣🦡

WiddlinDiddlin · 29/10/2020 18:35

Ignoring the pedants on here chuffedly proclaiming they wouldn't know what you mean by xyz...

Your DP should know what you mean, particularly when the specifics are things HE wants.

On our shopping list, I have put 'cheese'.

I fully expect OH who is currently the only one who can get in our fridge and does all the shopping to know that this means 'cream cheese AND cheddar AND halloumi, depending on what we have run out currently'.

I might specify things we don't normally buy in more detail, or things I want but haven't discussed with him, but yeah its reasonable to expect him to know what you normally have, what you actually need and what HE has each day and thus needs!

Mine also suffers from only buying for the immediate meal and not several days ahead which drives me NUTS and I have explained it to him multiple times.

xanthippe8 · 29/10/2020 18:51

I once gave my ex the shopping list when I was too ill to go out, he came home fuming that I'd written 100 rolls ("stupid cow" etc), it said loo rolls, sigh.

Whatamesssss · 29/10/2020 18:52

@xanthippe8

I once gave my ex the shopping list when I was too ill to go out, he came home fuming that I'd written 100 rolls ("stupid cow" etc), it said loo rolls, sigh.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

How many bread rolls did he bring home?

xanthippe8 · 29/10/2020 18:59

None!

timeforanewstart · 29/10/2020 19:35

Is 2 bread rolls per person not enough
Plus sandwich fillings could be many things

Carishina · 29/10/2020 19:57

My auntie once sent my uncle to the shop with a list which included loo rolls. My uncle returned proudly bearing 100 bread rolls. Apparently he thought they were having a party!

Carishina · 29/10/2020 19:59

@xanthippe8 just read your post! Clearly a much more common shopping list problem that I thought! 😂

HeronLanyon · 29/10/2020 20:04

Well you are very much to blame for writing ‘sandwich fillings’ and expecting cheese. Why not ‘ham/cheese-other s’wich fillings’.
He is to blame as you asked if he had questions and he didn’t ask.
but you asking if he needed to check Anything indicates that he has before not bought what you needed which makes me think you were even more
To blame for again not giving him a detailed list ?

HeronLanyon · 29/10/2020 20:13

carishina I really love that.

I Once ordered 40 sliced rolls when I just want 4. In Spanish. Will never forget the size of that bag when she brought them to me for out back where she’d been slicing.

DarkMintChocolate · 29/10/2020 20:24

DH went shopping after I had DS. He came back and told me proudly he had only spent £20! I had to point out it was just crisps and sweets - no coffee, meat, washing powder, all the expensive stuff!

Angelina82 · 29/10/2020 20:32

Who buys sliced cheese? Crisps aren’t necessary for a barbecue, and you could have easily specified the amount of rolls you needed.

BarbaraofSeville · 29/10/2020 21:01

Poor man. He couldn't possibly be expected to work out what to buy to put in his own sandwiches now, could he?

He also doesn't appear to be capable of realising that the other people in his household need feeding as often as he does. Or that food might be needed for meals more than one day in advance.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 29/10/2020 21:09

Sliced cheese for burgers & crisps particularly Kettle Crisps are needed at BBQs.

whoareyouIwonder · 29/10/2020 21:14

YABU

BackforGood · 29/10/2020 21:29

Have to agree with everyone else, YABU.

Doesn't matter what sex you are, if anyone is doing the shop who hasn't written the list, then it needs to be more specific than if it is just a 'prompt' for the person who wrote it.

Andylion · 29/10/2020 21:52

Can you clarify what you mean by 'Bread'?'
😁

gamerchick · 29/10/2020 23:11

Probably the one they usually get? 1+1....

Feelingconfused2020 · 29/10/2020 23:15

Normally I'm firmly on the side of the woman when she moans about a man's shopping but honestly if you have a specific number of bread rolls or a specific sandwich filling in mind then SPECIFY
It's fine to say DH you are in charge of the shopping but then you leave him in charge, don't micro manage and pick his choices apart

With the cheese being for his sandwiches then presumably he now has no cheese so he can't be that bothered.

diddl · 30/10/2020 08:04

@BarbaraofSeville

Poor man. He couldn't possibly be expected to work out what to buy to put in his own sandwiches now, could he?

He also doesn't appear to be capable of realising that the other people in his household need feeding as often as he does. Or that food might be needed for meals more than one day in advance.

Well that's what I was thinking as well tbh.

Has he never put shopping away, noticed what is in the fridge/cupboards?!

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