Light-hearted- DH food shopping

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

DH did the food shopping today. He forgot several important items. He declares the shopping list wasn't specific enough. I asked him before he went if anything needed clarifying.

Items forgotten...
Sliced Cheese (I had listed sandwich fillings)
Breakfast items... Only bought stuff he liked
Crisps for the BBQ (BBQ food was listed... He likes to chose)
Bread rolls... He's bought a total of 12 for 6 people.

I also forgot to list another item, so accept responsibility.

So... Whose fault is the shopping fail... Me for not listing every item individually, or him for being thoughtless.

(We do have a lot of meat.)

(Plus the pumpkins... If he couldn't get 3 little ones, why not 1 big one for all 3 to share?)

This is meant as light-hearted. He's usually very competent, and regularly does the food shopping.

I sent dh to get ds cookery ingredients I put mincemeat on the list as he was making mince pies he bought mince beef

Sorry but if I'm allowing DP to do the shopping (as an absolute last resort, it's a scary prospect) I am super specific with what I mean, sometimes even taking photos or screenshots of the item online for him .. Otherwise he'll come back with all sorts - but probably not what I had in mind!

Because of the way things work at our house it's generally me who takes care of the kitchen. I'm perfectly happy with that, but as a result I'm picky over what we buy from the shop as I know exactly what I plan to cook and when.

But yes, be 100% specific next time. He's not in your head!

@Alfiemoon1

I sent dh to get ds cookery ingredients I put mincemeat on the list as he was making mince pies he bought mince beef

If I'm honest, even as the one who does all the cooking and the shopping, I think I'd buy minced beef too .. because there's no meat in mince pies!!

@doctorhamster

To be fair he should have surely been able to calculate how many rolls to buy?!

And 12 for 6 people probably seemed right. The OP knew that they were for more than the BBQ, it seems the DH didnt.

YABU - if you expected him to buy specific sandwich fillings then you need to list them; if you expect specifics for a bbq then you need to list them separately, etc - if you simply put ‘bbq food’ then he got stuff he would want, same for sandwich fillings - how was he to know you needed cheese slices and didn’t have 2 packs in the fridge already?

I do this shopping, will tell DH what I’m planning on buying and ask if there’s anything he wants put on the order. If he’s going out to get shopping then I write down not only the food stuff (eg cheese slices) but also what type of cheese, what strength and what brand if there is likely to be a choice. Otherwise it’s likely he’d come home with chilli cheese slices that only he would eat!!

DH is the one who decided on the bacon rolls for breakfast, and requested the packed lunch... So theoretically he should be able to calculate the 3 meals for 6 people.

As I said, this is light-hearted. We both admit we sort of messed up. It's not a big deal really. We've got plenty of food to feed everyone, just in an awkward fashion.
He can calculate the food needed for a Scout camp with no issue. But can be clueless for his own family.

I know this is lighthearted so no biggie but doesn't this just show how the balance is so skewed to women holding all the mental load and household management. Why did the op have to make the list at all? Why couldn't the DH make it, think of his own sandwiches, remember HIS suggestion for bacon rolls etc?

If I'm sending my husband and i've written a list, I make it extremely specific because to him sandwich fillers could mean anything from prawn, to tuna to ham, cheese etc. If I haven't written a list then he knows what kind of things he getting so breakfast, dinners and tea but it's usually stuff he prefers in the same way when I shop my preferences show.
Yabu.

DH does all our food planning and shopping. On the very rare occasions that I go to the shop with a list it is a very specific one.

But I clarify first. So If I'd seen "sandwich fillings" I would have asked what that meant. And queried how many bread rolls etc.

So yes it was a crap list but equally he should have looked at it first and made it a better one.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Looks like he's in the right. My list was too vague.

That's 12 rolls (no other bread) for the BBQ, bacon sandwiches in the morning (before he takes the kids canoeing, so need a decent breakfast), and the packed lunch tomorrow.

Next time the list will be ultra specific.

Your list was a bit shit😂

If you wanted rolls for lunches AND bacon rolls AND the bbq then you should have written rolls x 20 or something.

Must be such a problem ! My late husband,in all the years we were married, never ever did any food shopping. He was never seen in a Supermarket or pushing some trolly around..

Your list is pretty vague tbf. You would not believe how specific I have to be with the shopping list if DH goes shopping but he still gets the wrong things. He also always forgets something from the list, even though it's written down, and then swears blind that they didn't have any (yeah like Tesco runs out of tomatoes or butter, or milk).

I thoroughly enjoy seeing the extra off piste items that appear when dh does the shopping, they are always very thoughtful. I do, however, get phone calls to clarify items on the list but that is probably because I write the lists as I would for me using my own personal abbreviations.

We use Amazon Alexa to manage the shopping list. I can add items by voice while I'm in the kitchen and then they show up in the Alexa smartphone app.

My DH does most of the shopping at our house and he's really good at it.

Dh does all the supermarket visits.

I do an online shop for staples and basics. Dh goes to the shop for anything we’ve run out of, or luxuries, treats, “nice” things. He manages fine.

I hate bloody shopping so it works for us, plus one thing I don’t need to think about.

Count yourself lucky, I sent my partner once and all he came back with was some Muller rice and alcohol 🤔😒

I think that if cheese is something you usually have as a sandwich filling then it's not too much to expect him to think of it.

Again with breakfast, if he knows what others eat he could have picked it up.

And the BBQ stuff-presumably he knows what you usually get?

And the bread rolls-he knew what for & for how many people so could have figured it out.

He could have looked in the fridge to see what sandwich stuff was in there & therefore what was needed.

He could have written BBQ specifics himself if he thought he might forget whilst shopping.

My husband does a shop at the weekend.

I write a list of stuff that we have run out of or dífferent stuff that people fancy.

I expect him to remember the stuff he gets every week.

Sometimes a list has consisted of "lasagne on Sat, roast on Sun"

By the time they've provided helpful pictures like I used to do for DD when she was 3, surely it would be quicker to do an online order and therefore absolve the menfolk of all catering and household purchasing responsibility?

DP was trained by his XW to never deviate from The List even a fraction. I'm still trying to train him to think for himself - if he's shopping for Sunday Dinner, that means Meat, Potatoes, Vegetables, Gravy, and Something Sweet. 'What exactly do you mean by Potatoes? How Many, what colour, what size, what brand? What does Meat mean? What type? What weight? What cut?'

I don't know, I'm not in the fucking shop looking at them. Pick something. Oh, and we need some bread for the morning.

'Can you clarify what you mean by 'Bread'?'

'Stuff made from flour with salt, moisture and commonly some form of leavening agent. Commonly believed to have been discovered at least 14 and a half thousand years ago, as there was evidence found that has been dated to the Upper Paleolithic/Epipaleolithic period in the Levant. So take your pick - as long at it's not Kingsmill, that is'.

Doing the shopping lists for somebody else to follow without a single thought of their own is utterly wifework and mental loadbearing that I am not prepared to do.

"Doing the shopping lists for somebody else to follow without a single thought of their own is utterly wifework and mental loadbearing that I am not prepared to do."

Amen to that!

Is this the first time you have sent him off to the wilds of the supermarket?

YABVVVVU

I learnt a long time ago if you want stuff either do it yourself or give very very very specific and detailed instructions. I'm talking doing the list as it is laid out in the shop ie fruit and veg first ect. Then you need to name the product including the weight and price to avoid confusion.

When me and DH were fairly new, I foolishly sent him shopping with a fairly good list. He replaced everything I asked for with the cheaper crappier version. I'm talking tinned beef burgers and the like

My dad does all the food shopping and always has so he's one for searching for the best deals etc
Except I haven't lived at home for 20 years. So when I had an op and he had to go and get me ready meals (arm operation) he panicked and literally bought every meal M&S sold
Apart from desserts. M&S does great stuff, chocolate puddings, apple crumble, even yoghurts. What did he get me? Low calorie lemon mousse
"Your mum likes it"
Great(!)

@diddl

"Doing the shopping lists for somebody else to follow without a single thought of their own is utterly wifework and mental loadbearing that I am not prepared to do."

Amen to that!

Except you then shouldn't criticise someone for the decisions they have made.

It's not a big deal - he's the one who'll (mostly) be affected.

He had the choice of sandwich fillings, and didn't buy any cheese... so he doesn't get cheese in his sandwich.

He asked for bacon rolls and sandwiches tomorrow, so when the bread gets used up tonight, he won't be able to have them. Leave him to think up alternatives.

I couldn't get worried over crisps at a BBQ, unless it's something you esp like?

The only bit that would annoy me is the cereals. Ask him where are the cereals that you like? And how would he like it if you only bought the stuff you like? When you shop, you need to consider more than just yourself. But it was probably an oversight - I would be annoyed, but let it go.

My OH is mostly ok with shopping. If I say breakfast stuff for the weekend, he knows what that is because he eats it too. I never have to worry that he doesn't get enough of something as he tends to buy the biggest pack he can find or buys 3 lots of it. If I ask him to pick up bubble bath, he gets several bottles instead of one.
But I try to be as specific as I can and have messaged pictures of what is needed on occasion and he will sometimes ask if not sure.
We also have to add on the cost of the extra he likes to buy- anything that catches his eye or he thinks the kids might like. And he's a terror for snacks in front of the telly.
This is why I prefer to do it myself online.

YABU I wouldn't give that list to myself, sandwich fillers for sliced cheese? Poor bloke!