Student nursing as a single parent

[flowersintheshade]

I originally posted in work but decided to post here instead for traffic. Will get the other one taken down.

I am a single parent to two kids, one school aged and one preschool. I really want to retrain as a nurse with the goal of becoming a health visitor.

I do have family nearby who are able to provide some childcare but their dad can't have them much/overnight due to long work hours and unsuitable housing.

Aibu to think this is it doable? Has anyone got any experience of being a student nurse as a parent of young kids?

I looked into midwifery but because of the long shifts and night shifts it wouldn’t have been doable. The nursing shifts are the same. I know a few single parent student nurses and midwives and they all have extremely helpful families, friends and amazing childminders for the out of hours stuff. It’s also 48 weeks a year so you don’t get the school holiday off.
For this reason I chose a different HCP degree and have managed it as a lone parent . PM me if you want to discuss in more depth or want any pointers.

Yes I’ve trained as a midwife as a single parent- you need an au pair or similar living with you or very hands on involved support network like grandparents otherwise it’s not possible due to shift work.

Hi OP,

I've PM'd you.

My sister did a nursing degree when my DNephew was 8. She’s a single mum though has a fiancé who she was living with with DN for the last year of her studies.

It is very hard. My DSis lives in the same town as my parents and they were able to have DN lots of weekends and evenings if she had funny shift patterns at hospital - lots of placements mean you won’t know what days and nights you need childcare until a few weeks before.

It is doable, but you need trustworthy, reliable childcare at all hours.

Maybe ask the uni if doing it part time is easier? Don’t give up though - it’ll transform your life prospects and set a brilliant example to your kids- but go in to it with eyes open and proper childcare in place, else you may struggle and end up dropping out.

Honestly? No I couldn’t. I’m sure some people can and do but the placements are full time work and include shifts etc. So care needed from 6.30-8pm for my kids currently for example. For five weeks. That’s very unsettling for a pre school age child who need security and routine. Sorry.
I’m in my 40s and the reason I’ve waited so long is to do with it needing to be the right time for everyone in my life and not just me.

You’ll be expected to work night and weekends and most places do long days so 12 hour shifts. You’ll be writing essays on top of that. It’s a lot of work. That doesn’t mean it’s not doable, if you’ve got help with childcare.

We do the rotas in advance but you have to work so many shifts with your mentor so we can assess you. If you have requests you need to tell us but it can be really difficult to juggle as we get sent a lot of students! It might be worth talking the uni about it, people do manage it.

I do have a lot of help from my mother who is a very hands on amazing grandparent but she has recently started a new relationship and is planning on lots of holidays and generally enjoying her retirement so I know I wont be able to rely on her as much going forward.

Perhaps an au pair is the way but no idea how much that would cost...

@ZombieAttack how far in advance do you do the Rotas?

You need superb, firm childcare arrangements over a long period of time at strange hours.

Working expectations are of course as you know, night shifts, weekends, Christmas, half terms, bank holidays, juggling school hours, pick ups & drop offs, missing stuff at kids school, parents evenings, award assemblies etc.. all for next to no pay.

You need to go into it with your eyes wide open.

I am biased as I would not encourage anyone into this profession now.
It’s broken me & many of my colleagues to be perfectly honest.

Obviously if you are determined then it’s doable. You will find a way. Good luck.

@VestaTilley I didn't think of part time. That could be a good option although 6 years is a long time! I have been out of work for 5 years and am ready for a challenge but also don't want to bite off more than I can chew and fail.

As well as shift work on placement you also have to take into account the fact that you may have to travel significant distances for placements in different clinical areas as s student. E, g community nursing or occupational health. If there are 120 students in your intake, they won’t all be facilitated close to the university.
But good luck whatever you decide

Do you have HCA experience in a hospital OP? I would do some bank shifts nights, weekends and LD to see how you find it fits in or not with your home life

You could perhaps use a childminder. I’d say it would be a lot and personally I couldn’t do it myself that’s speaking as a HCA mum of 1 working part time nights.

The thing is though it's not just during training, surely when you qualify you'll need flexible reliable childcare as nursing is not 9-5.

@zatarontoast

tbh by the time I qualify I am hoping the kids dad will be living somewhere different and be in a new line of work (this is his goal too) and will be able to do more childcare. But I can't guarantee that obviously

Have you considered midwifery? It’s more money and you can do community or clinic based work once qualified which is more family friendly.

I became a lone parent while in the kiddie of my course, I wouldn’t have started it if I had known that was going to happen but I did get through it and am now qualified. I do know one colleague who began training as a lone parent, no family support- she found an incredible childminder who would stay overnight and do out of hours care. It is possible if you are really determined

In terms of suggestion of pp's suggestion of midwifery, training via this route is already so much more specialised and upwards and sideways moves are much more limited as compared to nursing. Nurses also work in community/clinics, theatres often have shortened shifts. Nurse specialist roles in most specialities. More transferable skills to work outside NHS too eg 111, care assessors or pharma. Health visiting would be an option from either route though. In addition Midwifery much more difficult to gain entry into in terms of training places.

OP, I echo what others have said re solid and highly flexible childcare during training and beyond. An au pair or very flexible childminder who could do nights is a very good option for a single parent if you have the space/money.

Rotas for staff can often be only a couple of weeks notice dependent on workplace so consequently less for students as you'll be allocated a member of the staff as your practice supervisor when you are in clinical practice (50% of your degree).

Care experience is crucial. You need to know know the realities of working 12.5 shifts, rotating to days and nights and weekends in the same week to see this fits you and your lifestyle. Most don't work set shifts. Once qualified you'll be working Christmas Day, NYE and so on. You will miss a lot at home. HV much more family friendly though but you'll need to do your time on the acute clinical side first as it's a band 6 role.

If you want to do it, go for it, you and your DC will be beyond proud of you, but do it with your eyes fully open.

@Iamuhtredsonofuhtred

Yes I did consider midwifery actually and it does appeal. I was worried as a previous poster suggested though that it might be too specialised too early on and thought nursing might be more broad and easier to move roles.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply. It's given me lots to think about x

Sorry @Iamuhtredsonofuhtredb in what galaxy is midwifery paid more than nursing?? Its all standard NHS banding! They may gain their band 6's more quickly but if you want to progress up the bands in nursing there are many ways to do that.
Nursing is a wonderful career but you will need some air tight childcare to get you through your training, good luck!

I’m a student nurse and was a single parent when I started (I have a dp now). Its bloody hard BUT the 3 years fly by. I have a lot of family
Support and it would be impossible for me to do this if it wasn’t for my family looking after ds. All the placements I’ve been on have been really flexible in terms of shifts but that’s luck of the draw and I’ve had friends go on placements where there’s no leeway at all. However even on the more flexible wards you will still have to
Do evenings and weekends in order to gain the clinical experience. In terms of rotas, again it varies on the ward. I’ve been on wards that emailed me an off duty for the whole
8 week placement a month before I started and I’ve been on others that have taken countless phone calls to speak to someone, they haven’t allocTed me any shifts so just ‘be here for 7 on Monday’
Then when I get there they’ve forgotten I was coming. So it varies.

That being said I have had nothing but support since I started my degree and a lot of the people on your course will be single mums with young kids, over half my cohort are single parents and one woman is a single parent with 8’children under 13 and she’s flying through the course!

I'm studying to be a children's nurse, currently in my 2nd year.
I'm a single mum with 2 DC aged 5 and 12. The nursing and midwifery standards have changed, so the University I'm in only require us to be in for 2 days a week now (pre covid) and then directed study at home.
I start my next placement in 2 weeks and my first week of shifts are 12.5 hours for 3 days, so my mum helps alot with my boys, but if you have a supportive family I'm sure you can do it.

It partly depends on how organised your uni is. I am a nurse and my uni was shockingly disorganised with placements; sometimes we only had a few days notice of what and where our placements were, so not much notice to get in contact with our mentor and sort out our rota.

I try to be accommodating to students with kids, but some of my colleagues are deliberately awkward about shifts with the argument that nursing is 24/7 etc. Which is a bit stupid because as soon as you qualify you can choose to go part time and work somewhere with 9 - 5 shifts.

The training and shifts or nursing/midwifery are one of the reasons why I chose to study OT instead. Part time courses are available and we get Christmas/Easter/Summer off (depends on course though).

OT work in evenings /weekends is increasing but usually not at night.

Good luck with what you decide.

Good on you for starters
Is it possible placements are able to cater for single parents? Or reduced hours
Can you talk to who is running the course as I am sure many single parents have been in your situation.
Most workplaces have realised supporting and adjusting for good workers is worth it and about time.

I've just done this, and you don't need an au pair.
That's the most ridiculous unattainable suggestion. Please don't listen to that.

There are plenty of women on my course who were single parents and did the nursing course.

The university are extremely supportive of parents and help in any way they can.

Many placements will take into account that you might need to juggle shifts in order to sort childcare.

All my placements were excellent in helping me.

Apply for the degree and take each stage as it comes.

I'm also going into Health Visiting.