AIBU to ask my manager not to tell her boss I’m pregnant

[PinkPlantCase]

I can see the benefit of telling my manager fairly early on about pregnancy. I feel really crap and having her support or at least understanding would be useful. She manages our team but doesn’t have any involvement with salaries.

Her boss however will be deciding on our annual pre-Christmas pay increase. There’s no set performance criteria for the pay rise though I’m due a decent one as my role has expended substantially since my salary was last set. I’d rather the person setting this wage increase didn’t know I was pregnant until this is all sorted (worried about being fobbed off with less than I’m due).

I also work in a job where long hours are fairly normal, there’s a general attitude around just cracking on with unpaid overtime to achieve difficult deadlines. Often late into the night.

My manager however has been trying to change this for us and I think she would respect that I really need my sleep at the minute and so will need more help in achieving hard deadlines as I’m knackered at the best of times atm!

Thoughts? Do you think she’d tell her boss anyway?

I'd be concerned that she'd feel she HAS to disclose. I know in my company, they get v pissy if you don't tell HR straight after you tell your manager, they like to be in the loop. I'd say, if you don't want her manager to know, don't tell her. Make sure you tell them by 25 weeks tho, otherwise you might be in hot water around mat leave etc.

Depends really on what the reporting processes are. Is their a HR that’s they are meant to inform? You would need a risk assessment as well. I personally think it’s a difficult position to put someone in.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. You are entitled to ask your manager to keep your condition confidential. I'm appalled that any senior manager worth his or her salt would try to reduce a pay increase because you are pregnant as it would be a clear cut case of pregnancy related discrimination. If you were to then benchmark your pay increase against your colleagues you could then evidence less favourable treatment.

I would imagine she would be obliged to inform management.

@TeaLibrary I actually think it would be really hard to prove if they’d under cut the increase! It isn’t based on KPIs and often does vary a lot between employees.

I’ve checked the policy and it just says notify your manager or HR as soon as you are able. Then talks about notice for mat. Leave etc.

I wouldn't say anything until I'd secured the pay increase, if it was me.

Get the pay increase and then tell them. You will be putting her in a hugely awkward position.

How many weeks are you?

She can’t keep information like that to herself. The company might not meet its obligations to you and that would be her responsibility.

You want preferential treatment over the hours you work so the boss will have to be told. I don't see how you can have it both ways.

I think asking her not to say anything would put her in a difficult position.

I’ll be 16 weeks when we finish up for Christmas so shouldn’t be showing much.

Good to get the general consensus though thankyou. Looks like I’ll have it sit tight and not say anything unless I really struggle.

@MaliceOrgan I’d call it reasonable adjustment rather than preferential treatment. If I physically can’t get as much work done because I can’t stay awake I’d rather them know that was because of pregnancy not because I can’t be bothered. I don’t think this should impact the rise that will bring my salary in line with what is expected for my role.

@PinkPlantCase

I’ll be 16 weeks when we finish up for Christmas so shouldn’t be showing much.

Good to get the general consensus though thankyou. Looks like I’ll have it sit tight and not say anything unless I really struggle.

@MaliceOrgan I’d call it reasonable adjustment rather than preferential treatment. If I physically can’t get as much work done because I can’t stay awake I’d rather them know that was because of pregnancy not because I can’t be bothered. I don’t think this should impact the rise that will bring my salary in line with what is expected for my role.

I get you want to protect your bonus/pay increase from a potential bias that'd be hard to prove

But, play it by ear. If your pregnancy is tough and you are falling asleep/underperforming then you'll have to tell your manager sooner anyway lest they think you're slacking

Your manager will be required to notify HR as soon as they know regarding maternity rights and ensuring they are being compliant with your needs as pg employee, so senior manager will find out

When are the Christmas bonuses delivered? Is it literally in December 24 or more like mid-December?

I'm in a similar position to your boss. I could avoid telling 'the big boss', but I'd have to disclose to HR immediately (technically, HR don't decide salaries). We could probably keep it quiet from the big boss for a little while, but not forever.

@PinkPlantCase

I’ll be 16 weeks when we finish up for Christmas so shouldn’t be showing much.

Good to get the general consensus though thankyou. Looks like I’ll have it sit tight and not say anything unless I really struggle.

@MaliceOrgan I’d call it reasonable adjustment rather than preferential treatment. If I physically can’t get as much work done because I can’t stay awake I’d rather them know that was because of pregnancy not because I can’t be bothered. I don’t think this should impact the rise that will bring my salary in line with what is expected for my role.

I cannot imagine any manager giving a lower pay rise because of a pregnancy. Unless there is some kind of a track record of this, I think this is the wrong assumption to make. As a manager, I would expect to notify other parties if told of an employees pregnancy, I would not appreciate being told to keep it to myself for legal reasons.

Note that “reasonable adjustments” relate to the protected characteristic of disability only. It doesn’t apply to any of the other protected characteristics. Furthermore a reasonable adjustment is an adjustment that enables you to do your work, allocating your work to someone else so you can get sleep (if you were disabled) would not be considered a reasonable adjustment.

It’s your news. If you asked her to keep it confidential, I think she should.

It would be perfectly normal not to tell an employer about pregnancy until after 16 weeks - you’re just choosing to tell your manager a bit earlier... that doesn’t mean that everyone has to know.

@rainkeepsfallingdown do you think HR general tell senior management as a matter of course? Or do they just do risk assessments and keep it on file?

It’s almost November so I’d be keeping it to myself completely in this case.

I can totally see a company giving a lower pay rise due to pregnancy. I work for one of the most 'family friendly' companies who were great about pregnancy, flexible working upon my return, promoted me on my return etc...but both times individual managers have given me less pay rise or bonus on maternity leave and I've had to argue very hard to get it reversed. The way our bonus and pay rise works is they have to have a certain percentage in under target, on target, over target and we have a decent team where no one under performs and they thought I'd be as easy person to put in the lower category, when I've always been above or at worst average in a bad year. They also actually said to be it was because I had other things to think about and I should just forget it and concentrate on the new baby. Unbelievable.

Anyway remember you feel deathly tired up until around 12 weeks then it goes get better. I found around week 10 the worst. I'd advise to just hang on if at all possible. Try and nap when you can and let some stuff slide if possible

I'd keep quiet. We can talk about equality and how it wouldn't be right/legal/ fair for them to undercut you but the fact is it can and will happen.

@contactusdeletus

I wouldn't say anything until I'd secured the pay increase, if it was me.

This!

Say nothing, you absolutely cannot trust your manager not to say something. If you are really tired, do you have any annual leave left? Take as much as you can.

@Florencex thankyou for the advice around where ‘reasonable adjustment’ can be used.

Inan ideal world women wouldn’t loose out on promotions or pay rises because of pregnancy but I’m sure this really does happen. I haven’t seen it in my work place because nobody has been pregnant in my office during the time I have been here. We don’t have any women over 30 which probably says something in itself.

I’d keep quiet but if possible maybe book a day or two off for resting between now and then.