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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my vagina will ever go back to how it was?

75 replies

DianaMaggie · 28/10/2020 08:51

3 weeks pp- second degree labial tear - everything still feels sore/heavy/draggy and ‘open’ dr says all normal, give it time but also diagnosed slight bladder prolapse.
Started reading up about them and now scared myself that I’m forever going to pee myself and sex will never be the same again!

OP posts:
slidingdrawers · 28/10/2020 13:07

@DianaMaggie well done for downloading the app. Atm your pelvic floor is still healing (it flattens out completely during birth) so it will feel odd. The trick atm is to tighten your back passage on an out breath and lift up for a just for few seconds (may only be a couple), do this x3 a day. You can set reminders on the app. It will help.

Fattynotfitty · 28/10/2020 13:09

Had a 3rd degree tear followed by a 2nd degree tear with my 2, everything healed fine for me and have no issues regarding sex or bladder problems.
3 weeks is very early for it to have settled down, i didnt look down there until i'd long stopped bleeding (about 6 weeks) and it looked and felt more normal by then.
My 2 were only 6 pounders so god knows what might have happened if they'd been bigger, i take my hat off to those who have birthed 10 pounders or more!

Friendsoftheearth · 28/10/2020 13:26

You were brave to look.

It will get better, but it will be forever be different and I embraced the small changes that I saw afterwards and sex life is fine! Your body looks natural and just as it should, completely normal. We have children, we age, our bodies change all of the time - self care and self respect will see you through it all (that and good pelvic floors or panty liners Grin)

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 28/10/2020 13:31

Hi OP

Any injury will take a while to heal. I had an episiotomy the first time and it took 12+ weeks to heal. Please try not to worry...at least not yet! If someone had torn apart any other body part, nobody would expect it to be back to normal in just a few weeks

Ivy455 · 28/10/2020 13:31

@DianaMaggie

Some of you (not all) are giving me hope! I’ve downloaded the nhs Squeezy app but I’m not 100% that I’m doing it right and I’m scared of making things worse! I think I’ll see how things are at my 8 week postnatal checks and if no improvements I’ll ask to be referred to a physio.
So to do a pelvic floor exercise properly you squeeze as if you are trying to stop yourself from peeing. Good luck!
Friendsoftheearth · 28/10/2020 13:36

I am always surprised that people are alarmed and shocked after childbirth, surely it is obvious when squeezing through a whole full term baby there is going to be some changes/damage. I knew this before I had children, and was not surprised when it happened.

Original poster
DianaMaggie · 28/10/2020 13:49

@Friendsoftheearth

I am always surprised that people are alarmed and shocked after childbirth, surely it is obvious when squeezing through a whole full term baby there is going to be some changes/damage. I knew this before I had children, and was not surprised when it happened.
I think it’s the prolapse that shocked me the most - no female friend or relative has ever mentioned to me that they’ve had one before.
OP posts:
ftm202020 · 28/10/2020 13:52

With four of my vaginal births I have had 2nd degree tears and needed stiches. Just had a baby 4 weeks ago and when dtd for the first time the other day my dh says all looks and feels normal again. I feel back to normal too so just give it some time and you might be ok.

nevermorelenore · 28/10/2020 13:55

At 3weeks PP I remember feeling like I was wrecked! I couldn't even do a pelvic floor squeeze. Kept at it daily and after a few months, it felt 'normal' again. However, a couple of years on, I do get vaginal pain during my period, which only started after my second child. I had SPD during my pregnancy, and get a sort of heavy feeling down there when I exercise or overexert myself, but it's manageable, just annoying.

kitschplease · 28/10/2020 13:57

Definitely ask for a referral if things aren't right in a few weeks. I went back at 5months PP as things felt tight and it turned out I'd been stitched in the wrong blinkin' place!!! Had a repair op which was unpleasant, although the general anaesthetic gave me the first solid bout of sleep I'd had in months.

FelicityBob · 28/10/2020 14:01

Three years postnatal here and I’ve still got the same prolapse but don’t get the draggy feeling or notice it as much now. But when I feel it in the shower it’s very much still there. Pee myself if I run and sex isn’t the same but still enjoyable.

DryRoastPeanut · 28/10/2020 14:04

Sorry to tell you but you ‘flaps’ have stretched to the point of no recovery.
They will improve from their current saggy situation but your vag will never look the same again.

Please, please, please do your pelvic floor exercise and if you need to concentrate on any other muscles, then do it but your old (Young) body has gone.

I’m a medical professional.

Yeahnahmum · 28/10/2020 14:07

3 weeks??? Op comon. Give your vagina time to heal! At least a few months.

But yes. Your vagina will always be different after birth.

Friendsoftheearth · 28/10/2020 14:10

You can have surgery if the prolapse is bad - and that is something you should speak to your GP about.

If it is the way things look, well that is just going to be the new you and that is part of motherhood, same for everyone. PF exercises are good for getting pee control, your bits have done something amazing, produced life - and are worthy of love and care even if looks different.

KitKatastrophe · 28/10/2020 14:11

Everyone is different unfortunately. I was really lucky to have a second degree tear but no major damage and therefore recovered and "back to normal" quite quickly.

Other friends had incontinence and pain for months or years. However I would say if you're experiencing incontinence or pain, tell someone and get it sorted! So many are embarrassed about it or assume that it's just part of giving birth and normal - it's not.

RuthW · 28/10/2020 14:14

Yes it will. I had a third degree tear. Give it at least six months.

ForTheLoveOfHalloween · 28/10/2020 14:26

I didn't tear so I can't comment on that. But the heavy feeling and bladder prolapse. I had/have this. DD is now 15 months. I had a scan after 12 weeks pp due to my concerns. Lots of pelvic floor exercises have made a huge difference. Probably not 100% back to normal. But not noticeable now. I am now 17 weeks pregnant so started to notice it again now.

FippertyGibbett · 28/10/2020 14:43

No it won’t.

agradecida · 28/10/2020 15:10

Definitely see a gynae physiotherapist. Best £70 I ever spent. Dr fobbed be off at 8 week check when I said I was pretty certain I had a prolapse. He said he doubted it as I had a straight forward labour and to make an appointment with a female Dr in a few months if I felt the need.

Saw a private physio who did an internal exam and found that one side of my pelvic floor muscles had been ripped from the wall. Not repairable but pelvic floor exercises could give some benefit. She gave me info on pelvic floor exercises and made sure I was doing them correctly (felt the muscles internally).

She also explained that the reason I was leaking urine when standing up from the toilet after a wee. And actually talked about her own experience of this and how she dealt with it.

Even though neither of the two issues I have can be fixed, it was so great just to have someone tell me what was going on with my body and how to manage it. For most pelvic floor damage from child birth, exercise really is the main way to get back to normal (or as close as possible). A physio would be able to talk you through if you feel you need more than you can get from reading online and watching YouTube videos.

I'm pregnant again now (and this will be the last time) so I will plan to see someone privately again after this birth- but I will probably wait until at least 3 or 4 months p.p, and will see if they suggest if anything surgical will help.

Bagelsandbrie · 28/10/2020 15:14

Mine has never recovered really (3 day labour, ventouse delivery with episiotomy tons of stitches - had elective c section with second baby due to trauma of it all!). But it’s okay, it works and does everything it’s supposed to! A prolapse is different though and needs treatment. I wish people spoke more openly about these things, it wouldn’t have been such a shock for me.

SimpleLife003 · 28/10/2020 15:16

I had an episiotomy and forceps delivery and honestly the first few weeks I felt like my whole insides where going to fall out every time I stood up 😂

Also, many an accident. I once pulled my trousers down to wee and I weed on the floor before I’d even sat down!

All is back to normal now! I only have a little leak if I’m bursting for the toilet and I sneeze! But that’s my own fault haha!!

ThePerfectRose · 28/10/2020 15:25

It’s very likely that it will.

Honestly, it’s so so early. You pushed a baby out 3 weeks ago!!

I remember feeling like I had some sort of prolapse (I didn’t) for at least 3 months and didn’t feel normal until the 6 month mark. I had a complex 2nd degree tear. Had that ‘heavy’ type feeling. Didn’t have sex until over 3 months after.

The only change now is that when I have a really bad cough or go on a trampoline I wee myself! But I can live with that..

Sex is actually a lot better now, which I never thought it would be. It’s probably not as pretty as it was.. but I can live with that.

attillathenun · 28/10/2020 15:29

3 weeks is still really early days. I had ventouse and episiotomy (that eventually ruptured) and I remember being so down that it looked and felt so awful and thought I would never heal. But it did, and 11 months on I’m so much better.

As others have said, do your pelvic floor exercises and seek out a women’s health physio if you need to. Above all, be kind to yourself! Your body just went through a huge ordeal of being pregnant and giving birth. I promise in a few months you will feel so much better Flowers

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 28/10/2020 15:33

Pelvic floor/women's physio will be your friend.
Please get referred.

It will get better but you need to be seen by a specialist. Too many women suffer in silence and just think peeing themselves or pain etc is just to be expected after kids and it's not.

Good luck op.

Notanotherwooname · 28/10/2020 15:35

It’s still very early, it can be totally fine again. I’ve had 4 vaginal births all with massive heads, and after number 4 I thought WTF have I done...and that I’d never be the same again.

But I found that pelvic floor exercises really do work, strengthening your core muscles really helps, and I think regular sex/orgasm contributes positively too - which isn’t surprising really because it’s exercising all the right bits and getting blood flow to it which encourages healing etc

I’m 3 years post-part I’m number 4, and I can’t tell any difference to before (although I’m sure it is roomier!) but my pelvic floor is fine - can even trampoline!

Don’t read internet horror stories, be positive and pro-active and you stand the best chance of sorting it out. And be kind to yourself!