To be desperately jealous of two parent families and to want that for myself

[EmmaFaye29]

I am 27 with one child in reception and another who has just started preschool. I am also a lone parent. I LOVE my DC so much, but I am lonely and wish there was someone to enjoy them with. I miss being in love. I don't really know what it is like to parent with someone else and when I speak to my friends they tell me that I don't know what happens behind closed doors, that these people probably aren't happy. That brings me no comfort, I don't want to think of others being unhappy to make myself feel better, I just want a slice of it too.

The grass isn't greener. I'm on the other side of the fence and wish I was you!

Sorry you’re having a tough time. I haven’t been in your shoes but I can hear from your post how difficult it must be.

Thinking that people in relationships might actually be miserable won’t be any comfort at all. Why would it? If they were you wouldn’t want that anyway!

Are you dating? Do you get any childfree time?

Your friends are wise.
I live with my partner and our two children.
Pretty sure we look like a typical happy husband/wife with our boy and little girl.
Appearances aside- we are very different people and I'm really unhappy. I don't look forward to him coming home from work and I spend my life see thing with resentment.
There's plenty of time for you to meet someone if you wish but remember it doesn't automatically make a fairytale.

You may look back and realise you enjoyed life better alone.

It’s such crap that all / most other parents in couples are unhappy though, and as OP says - that’s not helpful to her!

Have you tried dating OP? At 27, there’s a lot of your life to look forward to!

I've been in your position OP. It is hard, harder than parenting in a loving relationship. Easier than parenting in a shit relationship though.

Your young and have so many years ahead of you to fill with love. I think it will work out

There are lots of happy parents, both parenting by themselves and parenting as a couple. I’m not sure I can offer advice, but feel you should enjoy what you have got and when the opportunities come up to date others - cease them. But don’t force it, and make sure they share similar values to yourself before enjoying your children with them. As someone has said above - you are only 27, you have years and years to find someone else if it’s what you really want!

Thanks for the responses everyone. No, I haven't tried dating yet. But I do want to, I'm just quite nervous because of the children. I've not dated as a parent.

And just for another perspective - I've been with my second husband for 11 years and he's my best friend. We show each other love every day and laugh and raise our children together more or less happily.

I think sometimes when you've had a very difficult first marriage or had a child with someone completely undeserving it makes you warier and wiser about who you fall for next!! So your next relationship might be the right one because you've learned

Well, I'm 28 tomorrow

I hate when people say well there is lots of unhappy couples, like it’s the alternative to being a lone parent?! Well no it’s not one or the other there are plenty of happy families and couples, I know what you mean op, I’m a lone parent, their father isn’t involved, I utterly hate being a lone parent, it’s made me want another child just so I can have the joy of raising a child with a partner. Having no one to share the children’s lives with is sad.

Wishing you a happy birthday for tomorrow! Do your kids go to their dads? Do you get any time off to be able to date or do something non child focused with someone?

Well you must have realised that being in a two parent set up is not always all it’s cracked up to be given that you are now not living with the father.

Assuming that you are not a widow of course

Of course op wishes she was in a happy relationship, why do people make out like they don’t exist and every couple is miserable?? It’s so dismissive. Being a lone parent is incredibly lonely and isolating, op can feel that way without being told “well all couples are miserable anyway”

Did you plan from the outset to be a lone parent? Or did you fall pregnant accidentally twice? Or did the father only reveal his true colours after your second was born?

Apologies if that’s too intrusive - I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow- at 28 I hadn’t yet met my DH, you’re young yet!!

I feel you op...it's crap...this year hasn't helped I have been single and a single parent 4 years now and have never felt as lonely as I have done this year

But the children have a dad so she must have been in a relationship at some point.

Therefore she knows that relationships are not all great.

But people are being realistic

I think it's reasonable to want a happy couple relationship for yourself.

Me too OP. Mine are teens/almost teens. I’ve been alone throughout. It’s such a lonely life.

But the op is allowed to be sad that it didn’t work out and she’s now a lone parent and wishes things could have been different? I’m sure most single mums didn’t “set out to be one”

I was a single parent for almost 5 years and then met someone wonderful and we now live together so it can happen!. I sometimes miss the cosiness of being just me and DC and not having to consult another adult but overall it is much less lonely. I think this year is really hard as a single parent and highlights the differences. Wishing you luck in the dating world!

You're so young OP! You sound like you've given up and resigned yourself to being alone? Get yourself out there!

I hear you. My situation is a bit different. I am older (48) and mum to a 14 yo boy who is my world. He is great company but I get really lonely at times. His dad visits and we do talk but that has it’s downsides as he lives with OW (we separated 2.5 yrs ago) and depending on my mood it can be hard. Usually this will affect me later when he is gone and I am sat on my own again while DS talks to his mates on xbox. I don’t see anyone else. I have all responsibility for DS both mentally and financially. In an emergency his Dad would be there like a shot which is something but I obviously don’t call him when I am feeling lonely and I have no family.

I can’t imagine dating (I was with STBXH almost 20 years) but the idea of being on my own for the rest of my life is hard to contemplate. I am working on self care which seems like a good place to start.

Thanks all