To be desperately jealous of two parent families and to want that for myself

[EmmaFaye29]

I am 27 with one child in reception and another who has just started preschool. I am also a lone parent. I LOVE my DC so much, but I am lonely and wish there was someone to enjoy them with. I miss being in love. I don't really know what it is like to parent with someone else and when I speak to my friends they tell me that I don't know what happens behind closed doors, that these people probably aren't happy. That brings me no comfort, I don't want to think of others being unhappy to make myself feel better, I just want a slice of it too.

Unfelt the same when my dc were yours age, gradually as they've got older ive enjoyed their company and mine more and more. As you've recognised the grass definitely isn't always greener. Yes some things would be easier and occasionally I have a meltdown when things get hard and i get tired of doing it alone but the alternative may not be better

• I felt

OP I'm also a single parent and I have to say, it gets better the older they get, and my other single parent friends agree with me that we would choose this over being in anything other than a brilliant relationship (which most of mine over the years have not been)

I don't get comfort from thinking that others are unhappy either, but I do take comfort knowing:
a) it's generally easier to get to make all the parenting decisions on your own, rather than have to debate or discuss everything with your other half. That was more exhausting that actually doing it myself

b) kids of single parents end up having a special bond with their mothers :-)

Also - get online and date!! There are tons of men out there, and tons of them are similarly single parents :-)

I feel the same. I have a 13, 11 and 8 year old. Having some issues going on at home and work, and I feel so alone in coping with it all by myself. Even having someone to make me a cup of tea and talk through issues with would be so nice.

Siblings and partners are super supportive, and so are my friends, but ultimately they have their own lives going on and are no replacement for a partner. I'm tired of doing it all alone.

Single parenting is hard and lonely at times but my god I preferred it to parenting in a shit marriage! I’m now out the other end now met my lovely partner and we have another child and he has an excellent relationship with my oldest. If you feel able to date do it! You can keep it very separate from family life and have some fun and companionship. Get out there and have some fun! I was 29 with a baby when I got divorced i thought it was all over but the fun was just beginning!

Being a lone parent is incredibly lonely and isolating, op can feel that way without being told “well all couples are miserable anyway” hmm

You've just done the same thing, assuming lone parenthood is a miserable existence for all lone parents. Not all lone parents find it a lonely or isolating experience. I've been a lp for 12 years and wouldn't have it any other way. It's been a very positive experience for me although I realise that is not the case for everyone.
You are very young though op so you have plenty of time to meet someone if that's what you want.

@ramarama

OP I'm also a single parent and I have to say, it gets better the older they get, and my other single parent friends agree with me that we would choose this over being in anything other than a brilliant relationship (which most of mine over the years have not been)

I don't get comfort from thinking that others are unhappy either, but I do take comfort knowing:
a) it's generally easier to get to make all the parenting decisions on your own, rather than have to debate or discuss everything with your other half. That was more exhausting that actually doing it myself

b) kids of single parents end up having a special bond with their mothers :-)

Also - get online and date!! There are tons of men out there, and tons of them are similarly single parents :-)

I agree with this.

I was a single parent with one child. My ExH had our son EOW and tried to interfere every now and then but actually I did it alone and it was hard sometimes but most of the time it was epic. I answered to no one and my son and I are still quite close even though he is a young adult who lives with his girlfriend now.

And I used to wonder how two parents got any time off as I had every other weekend to do what I liked. I wasn’t envious of them at all.

Your friends are right. That grass is not always greener. I left DS dad because he did bugger all! And we co parented up until recently and it’s been HELL so much so I pay a childminder just so I can get to work.

Relationships take constant work. Being alone is a bit boring but it has its advantages.

I’ve been a lone parent of 2dc since I was about your age, I’m nearly 40 now. I completely understand what you’re saying as I used to very much feel like that too.

I have tried dating and have had relationships. None of them have worked. The truth is it’s a really different ballgame when you have DC. Either men don’t have their own DC, and therefore don’t really tend to be that understanding that you do, or they do and then you have the complications of trying to blend families which is a fucking nightmare IME. There’s not that many men who genuinely are ok with taking on someone else’s kids, I have found. Plenty who are happy to shag their mother, but that’s about it.

I’m sure there are exceptions, but the only people IME who are truly settled with someone else after already having DC are women who have gone on to have another child with that person. So if you want to have another DC I’d say that increases your odds! I definitely didn’t want anymore.

I’ve pretty much given up now. The good news Is that the worst of the loneliness will pass, it’s definitely worse when the DC are little and you don’t have a lot of free time or freedom to do what you want. They get older and more independent. And there are definite perks to being able to parent the way you want, without having to consider someone else. Mine are both secondary/college age now and I have learnt to love my life. My kids are amazing, I have lots of great friends and a fab social life, and have great sex on tap whenever I want it, even if it’s not in a committed relationship.

Sorry if my post comes across as bleak, I don’t mean it like that. My point is that maybe you’ll be lucky and find someone great, but if not honesty it’s really not all bad once you start getting your time and independence back. I’d have to meet someone pretty bloody amazing to want to give that up now.

BrightSunshineDay but we are talking about the op, I wouldn’t come on a thread where someone was saying how much they love being a single parent and say “well it’s so much better being in a couple” it’s not a competition. And people are making out like the only alternative to a lone parent is an unhappy relationship.

I actually feel for you. Even though I have a husband who love our children as much as I do, i envied people with grandparents or aunties/uncles who also share this love. My in-laws don’t get excited and my kids are their own grandkids too. My parents are dead but my dad would be the same way, my mom, she will love them but she had a traumatized past and struggled with depression so it’s hard for her to really interact with kids (she tried with my older son, later died from breast cancer when he was little)

My grandparents never send me cards or anything on my birthday but I can’t really blame them though, they have way too many grandkids to keep up. They do have a favorite though.

It’s all unknown OP. You may meet someone amazing and have a wonderful relationship or you may not. But don’t wish your life away in the meantime. Both scenarios have their pros and cons. But whatever you do, don’t settle for the sake of having someone (been there, done that!). My DC are both early 30s, I was a single parent for much of that time. I didn’t get my “happily ever after”. But you know what, it’s ok. Me and my DC are so close. Now they’re grown I actually don’t want to share my life with anyone anymore, I like only having myself to please. I am satisfied knowing I did it, I raised 2 amazing adults that I am so proud of. It’s a good feeling.

Also you are so young. You have another 40 plus years of work ahead of you before retirement.

So plenty of time to do lots and lots of thin things and spend time with lots of different people