Friend desperate for advice. I think she's being abused. Please help

[Hairyhat]

Hello all.
My lovely friend is splitting with her DP. He's being controlling and trying to bully her.
I think she needs legal advice but if anyone can answer any questions now that would be brilliant.
I'll try not to drop feed.
They've been together for 17 years have a 15 year old DD and my friend has a grown up daughter from a previous relationship who lives independently and not in the family home.
They own 2 properties and a static caravan. Their first property is in his name only and they lived there for a number of years where they paid 50/50 on the bills and mortgage. It is now a rental and has tenants. The second property (family home) is in joint names although since January only my friend has paid the mortgage and now all the bills.
My friend is the slightly higher earner and they are not married.
Her P has made numerous mistakes which has resulted in bouts of unemployment and he will probably be prosecuted later this year for his latest. Let's say his hobby isn't cycling.
My friend has carried him through these times and paid for everything but this latest bout was the last straw. Hence the relationship breakdown.
He is telling her she has to sell the house immediately. He has quoted her an offer that he says he's had (might be untrue as she hasn't seen a valuer come round but she may have been at work) and that he's "happy" with. This offer is somewhat lower than what they paid for the house and doesn't take account of the brand new kitchen (that she alone paid for) that has been added as well as other improvements.
If they were to sell at this price and split the small equity she thinks she might be able to give him this sum (borrowing to buy him out). She also thinks she might be able to afford the mortgage on her own. She has excellent credit rating and is very good with money and budgeting etc.
The abusive part is that he has stopped paying all his share of the bills. Council tax, sky, Netflix and a few others. He had also taken a lot of their belongings (the TV which she bought) and is trying to make her life miserable. He lives in the caravan mostly but comes and goes as he pleases eating her food but contributing nothing.
He has sent lots of abusive texts calling her horrid names. He has tried to turn their daughter against her where my lovely friend had always tried to shield their DD from the massive cockups her dad has made over the years. He is telling my friend to sort everything out because he and their DD will be homeless at Christmas and that their DD wants nothing to do with her.
I've told my friend to screenshot and keep the abusive messages. She thinks it isn't abuse as such because he hasn't hit her but she is frightened to annoy him in case he "keys her car".
So where does my friend stand? She knows she has to start paying all the bills but if he has stopped does that mean he shouldn't be able to live there?
Can she change the locks and report him for theft? I'm pretty sure she's not allowed to do that but he's so intimidating and nasty I really want her to be free of him ASAP.
So can anyone advise what her rights are please?
Also, can anybody recommend a good family law solicitor preferably with first consultation free? If sessions are presumably virtual then it won't matter which part of the country she is?
Thanks for reading this long post and I'm sorry about it being in AIBU but I wanted the footfall to offer any help I can.
She's seeing him this evening and I don't think she knows what he can and can't do.

At 15 she should show her daughter the texts. She’s old enough to be taught you don’t let a man do that to you. It’s emotional and financial abuse. I’m sorry that I don’t know about the legalities of it all though.

I don't think my friend wants to upset her DD and I agree somewhat as why make a difficult time fir her any worse.
I think she is being the better person if I'm honest. Also, I think the truth might come out in the wash eventually and their DD will be able to make her own mind up.
Thanks for posting

She should accept any offer until she has 3 independent valuations of the property that she herself has obtained. She should also go to a solicitor immediate for legal advice, I wouldn't like to get advice on a forum like this for something so important. If she searches in her local area and looks for a first free consultation she should find something - look them up on trust pilot if she wants a solicitor that has recommendations. She should keep copied of all abusive messages for the court.

Tell her to Google emotional & financial abuse. Personally, i'd 'lose' the keys & not give him a spare of the new ones "because you only come here for meals, e are separated ,pending divorce".. She should see a solicitor asap as when I worked in legal trying to get their partner to accept a deal on the finances without the legal process was always to screw you financially. Secret accounts, hiding money & siphoning off funds from joint accounts was really common. She needs to go hunt for any financial information & print or take screen shots asap. Also take along evidence she's been paying mortgage,all bills etc.

Thanks for replying. I think the mortgage supplier will valuate the house before taking him off the mortgage and ensure he gets his half of the equity?

But will they take off his share of the bills and mortgage that he hasn't been paying since January?

She needs to see a solicitor urgently to sort out division of the jointly owned home- she may well be entitled to more than 50 % of the equity based on contributions- this is a complicated area and not clear cut. In the interim she could conveniently lose the keys and get the locks changed. If he kicks off she could then call the police and hopefully he will be arrested and she could further make a complaint to them about his controlling and coercive behaviour. He would probably then be arrested and bailed and part of the bail conditions would be not to return to the property. She could also look into getting an occupation order, which is a civil order keeping away from the house if she is in genuine fear of him.

Thanks @Mollyboom

Could a fair division be he gets one house (the one in just his name that she contributed to for years) and she gets the other (the one with less equity but a family home for her and her daughter)?

She needs to go see a solicitor pronto. The bills can be taken into acct later down the line but will be part of the financial negotiations.

I too would "lose the keys" to the family home and change the locks if it were me if he is not contributing, however that is not legally advisesd, just my own judgement.

I too would also show the daughter the messages, parent alienation is also abusive behaviour.

She needs to start keeping a log of the texts and any verbal threats or instances where his presence is not wanted and make sure she backs up her messages to her cloud.

This will not be an easy divorce if he is being like this now but she needs to be strong and fight him every step of the way in financial negotiations.

Having one home each would be a sensible clean break but depends if he goes for her pension etc.

The fact it's just in his name is a red herring and won't matter as they have married a long time.

This is desperately sad.
What ever he offers, she should say, put the offer in an email and I will pass it to my solicitor.
Agree to nothing. Nothing.
Pro-actively, if I have read correctly, she should sort out her own valuations. Also keep a paper trail of what she has been paying for.
So sorry your friend is being used like this.

Yes potentially that could be a fair division. The parties can agree any division that they want but if they can't agree then the matter has to be resolved in court where a number of factors are taken into consideration. Please tell her not to agree to his valuation or anything he proposes without legal advice urgently.

Are they married? If married all assets in the pot, if not, then different process.

Op says not married so she may have no claim at all on the first house.

No they are not married. So if she has no claim on the first house, can he still come after her pension?

She lived in and contributed to the first house for years. But as they are not married she isn't able to claim anything from it?
At times while he was unemployed she paid for absolutely everything. It's seems so unfair that she gets nothing from those years.

Right OK sorry I read they were married!!! That changes everything.

She's not in a good position here at all to be honest but I'd be telling him to get to fuck and live in his other house. Can she afford to buy him out? If so then his share of the bills can be taken from the payout, I've seen this happen before.

I think avoiding court and court costs is in both their interests but she still needs her fair share!

I know not being married is detrimental to her claim of a share in any assets solely in his name but surely working long hours and running the house and involved costs should surely count for something?

So he gets the house in his name, and half the house in joint names (minus the half of the bills and mortgage he hasn't been paying) even though she has put a lot more into it?

She needs legal advice, but generally this is why marriage is a good idea.

Pretty much. Who's name are the bills in?? Anything in his name don't pay. Is there a joint accts, savings accts etc? I'd be taking half from these and putting them in a sole named acct.

It's shit I agree.

rotheras.co.uk/what-are-your-legal-rights-in-a-long-term-relationship/

We aren't solicitors, you could start by speaking to this company. Found on a quick google search under financial interest in a long term relationship