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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Losing my grip

62 replies

Royalbloo · 25/10/2020 18:19

Omg need a hand-hold. Single Mum to a nearly 4 yr old, working full time and trying to complete my Masters (only one module left of 7 and then a 6 month project)

I'm falling to pieces. Any words of wisdom for working and studying and being a Mum. I know I could defer but I'm so close now I don't want to (and I won't if I can help it). It's there mental load I can't deal with - with no one to care for you and trying to do everything and see my DM who is still isolating and doing errands for her.

Really struggling with no holidays etc to look forward to, knackered as I spent the whole weekend studying and I don't think that's helped but I needed to.

I know people have far worse pressures at the moment what with losing jobs, being evicted and awful relationships but please - at this point any positive comment might help.

Thank you x

OP posts:
thosetalesofunexpected · 25/10/2020 22:58

Hi Op l am quite intuitive kind of person,just a random thought, I sense, feel you need to spend a bit/some time being whithn amongst nature, I appreciate you have got precious little time currently ,studying at uni, looking after your child etc, I feel if you can spend if possible a bit of time within nature you and your child will be in your elements and it will help you to relax,switch off from the current stresses in your life,if it high on impossible to do this go for a stroll amongst nature? you could look up on the internet or on TV programmes like David Attenbourgh etc and also I feel that if you looked at postive inspirational affirmations images that resonate with you on internet this would help you feel better,lift your spirits emotionally and get you back on track emotionally.

yelyah22 · 25/10/2020 23:16

You're doing an AMAZING job! Your scores are great, you're raising what sounds like a lovely empathetic little girl - all while working and in the middle of a horrible year full stop, with the underlying trauma of an awful ex. I'm proud of you and I don't even know you.

You'd have to be a robot not to be feeling the pressure right now - but you're pushing through the hard stuff to get to the good bit (i.e. celebrating that hard earned masters and the benefits of it). Only you know if deferring is something you really need to do, but don't panic that the stress in itself means you can't handle it - with what you've got on your plate, stress is a totally normal and expected reaction.

For practical stuff on how to deal with the stress:

  1. Vent, somewhere (here! On the phone to your best friend?).
  1. Set yourself protected time to just do nothing, at all - even if it's just ten minutes when your little girl is in bed, but preferably a long bath or one episode of something easy to watch - that's not you taking time that's needed elsewhere, time to decompress IS needed.
  1. Do a 5 min yoga video or breathing exercise or dance round to your favourite song before you start any new thing - setting down to study, cleaning, bedtime with DD (get her involved if it's dancing!). It provides a nice clear mental barrier between tasks and might do you some good to do a tiny bit of self care.
  1. Know when to ask for/get help or a break - can't be arsed cooking or planning food? HelloFresh (with codes it's cheaper if you've never use before) or a cheap JustEat or spaghetti hoops on toast. Need a break from being mum? See if someone can babysit (depends on Covid tier etc) or just bang a Disney film on and make a little nest for DD. Not getting any uni work done? Walk awaaaaay and try again later. When you're stressed your executive function takes a nosedive so allow yourself to just have a NOPE moment and do something else.
  1. The physical tension is absolutely 100% normal (I've spent this year feeling like a crunched up piece of paper). When you notice it, stop, do a few neck stretches, purposely unclench your jaw, lean forward and let your head hang to stretch your neck out :)
Original poster
Royalbloo · 14/10/2021 19:58

Well, here's a little update. I got made redundant, went self-employed, DD started school, I got COVID and then....I completed my Masters!!!!!

Thank you to everyone who cared enough to respond to my post x x x

OP posts:
AuntyMabelandPippin · 14/10/2021 20:07

So pleased for you. Have a celebratory Gin.

Original poster
Royalbloo · 14/10/2021 20:17

AuntyMabelandPippin definitely!!!!!!

OP posts:
HereticFanjo · 14/10/2021 20:22

Just seen this and you are fabulous. Well done x

Original poster
Royalbloo · 14/10/2021 20:29

HereticFanjo thank you!!!!

There was no blood, but sweat and tears aplenty!!! I'm a bit stunned it's over if I'm honest!

OP posts:
SolitaryTree · 14/10/2021 20:30

Read the first post and came to tell you that you can do it and that I think you’re amazing but got to the end and…. you’ve done it! 🥳🎉 congratulations!
And here’s a cup of tea Brew

Buzztothemoon · 14/10/2021 20:33

Break it down. Don’t think about the whole thing and everything going on, just focus on the day to day - what you need to do today, tomorrow, this week. It’s easy to get overwhelmed but there is an end in sight. Also the holy trinity vegetable, sleep and exercise - these are the things your body needs to keep going.

Timetoretiretospain · 14/10/2021 20:55

👏 👏

Sapphire387 · 14/10/2021 20:58

You are amazing Flowers

MacMahon · 14/10/2021 21:00

Congratulations! What a year you’ve had.

The idiots who refuse to RTFT will drive me nuts if I continue to read though.

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