Losing my grip

[Royalbloo]

Omg need a hand-hold. Single Mum to a nearly 4 yr old, working full time and trying to complete my Masters (only one module left of 7 and then a 6 month project)

I'm falling to pieces. Any words of wisdom for working and studying and being a Mum. I know I could defer but I'm so close now I don't want to (and I won't if I can help it). It's there mental load I can't deal with - with no one to care for you and trying to do everything and see my DM who is still isolating and doing errands for her.

Really struggling with no holidays etc to look forward to, knackered as I spent the whole weekend studying and I don't think that's helped but I needed to.

I know people have far worse pressures at the moment what with losing jobs, being evicted and awful relationships but please - at this point any positive comment might help.

Thank you x

AuntyMabelandPippin I'm plodding for sure - my DH lost his job and then tried pushing me down the stairs.....NOPE!

Really hope yours is ok. Just want a nice guy who gives a shit to be honest but I don't have space for that at the moment.

Hi Op You are a real 100 per cent inspiration ,I really admire you,what you are currently doing in your life,
Don't give up, you would regret if you did,you have come so far to achieve everything that you have already in your life,
You are a amazing role model to your child, and to other people in what you can achieve overcome obstacles, in the face of Adversity,(I don't how you have managed working full time/doing your master degree course and being a single parent too,
Can you save up and treat yourself to a health spa session either on your own or friends then every so often,to have a hot stone massage costs from 25 pounds for 1hr or just 15 pounds half an hour,
Also mediation is good thing to get into,its free you can do this at home, you can listen to good meditation sounds on internet,plus you only have to do mediation for 10 -15mins to get the benefits from this activity,plus mediation is well known to give clarity to mind,
Any creative activities of any kind,can help you to de stress more effectively,make sure you take care of yourself,

thosetalesofunexpected I'll take a look at meditation. I used to do a lot of yoga before my relationship went south so thank you.

I know I'd regret it if I just stopped but sometimes it feels like the only option as I get so stressed before an assignment is due and it overwhelms my brain (if that makes any sense) x

You got this! I’m in a similar situation (4yr old, working full time and studying for a masters) but I have my husband to pick up the slack and I still differed! You’re an inspiration to me and your daughter so keep going. Even if you do defer, it’s not failure. I’ve found a few months break between finishing modules and starting the dissertation has helped my motivation and mental health and I’m actually looking forward to going back in January. Just keep telling yourself you only need 50% to pass and no one cares what your final grade is once it’s in your cv... you’re going to smash it!

My shoulders are constantly up by my ears and I need to MAKE myself relax....what's wrong with me!?

Go on 16lily - smashing it!

And 50% is true but then I'm like, "what if they want to know why in shit at X?!"

My results so far...

Break it down into chunks, focus only on this weeks tasks and the reward yourself with something small like taking a bath or go for a short walk. Anything that might make you relax.
You will get through this.

Not perfect but I'm doing ok...

Well done on the Masters, being a single parent and working - that's bloody amazing. It can get on top of you and doing modules can be really stressful - but think of the achievement, and hopefully payrise! when you have done it. Give yourself some downtime though even if it's only a bath with the door open so you can hear DC.

I’m about to finish mat leave and go back to uni and work, I feel your pain, DC1 is 5 and DC2 is almost 1, what was I thinking having a baby midway through a masters??? I console myself with the fact that most of the world is mentally frazzled right now, maybe no one will even notice the absolute state of me???

Been having recurring nightmares that I rock up at uni and suddenly remember I have an assignment due that day that I haven’t even begun 😂😂

Keep going. You are amazing - you will do this. There is some good advice here. I like what bistro cafe says.

Focus on things that need to be done don't take on anything you don't need to do - including holidays. Holidays themselves create stress and pressure! Just keep ticking off things on your daily list that need to be done. Make sure you are eating and sleeping well and take time to sit and breathe.

You are setting an amazing example to your child as well.

OP you are doing an amazing job.

I felt like this doing my PGCE working 80 hours a week, single parent to two children. I can remember crying and just thinking that I could not do it. A friend spurred me on, and reminded me how shit I would feel if I quit.

I am so glad I carried on. I got much better job as a result, and have gone from strength to strength since, creating a much better life for myself and my DC.

If you can, I would say hang on in there. Don't worry about the house and garden, you can catch up with that some other time.

Good Luck

And you have done this while dealing with a global pandemic? Wow!

Keep on keeping on OP! Short term pain, long term gain.

Oh wow - you lot are brilliant xxx Thank you so much!

You sound amazing, I started a masters in January, managed 3 modules and then had to take a break, homeschooling, work and being stuck at home 24 hours a day I couldn't mentally cope. I have a DH, so the fact your doing ir on your makes you sound like superwoman to me.

Keep going 1 more module to complete!

What do you do to relax? Is it worth speaking to your tutor about how your feeling?

Op I was in the same situation as you last week. Get an extension if you can, be kind to yourself, bulk buy big portions of food so you don't need to think about food. And that is so sweet of your daughter to share her buttons. It's proof that you are a fab mum.

I think you're doing amazing and you are such a positive role-model for your little one.
You're almost at the finishing line, OP.
Be gentle on yourself. If I knew you IRL I'd be making you a cuppa (or pouring you a wine.)

Keep going. You're doing amazing. I did a masters and doctorate with a young child but i had a supportive dh. I dread to think what I would've been like doing it on my own. You will feel so proud of yourself when you reach the end 💐💐

slightlysnippy I kept thinking I'd just keep trying and if I messed any up I'd ask for help so I don't in any way think asking for an extension is a bad thing. Well done you! I think I just decided if I stopped I wouldn't ever start again.

Thank you all x this is genuinely helping x

Op I watched my brothers masters graduation and the pride I felt for him was incredible and now I am sat here thinking you are doing all this with a dc......you are bloody awesome!! You got this x

I'm in awe
Totally in awe

I did my masters full time
Had so much extra time and left everything last min

Few things -

I managed to complete most of it over one weekend v stressful but the power and will comes from somewhere

Also - treats along the way
And a trip away when you hand in?
Could be day at the beach
Day shopping?

Having escaped DV too i know the risidual trauma that can bring so WELL DONE
You are doing amazing
Don't forget that

Ive just finished a healthcare degree as a single parent to 4DC in the middle of a pandemic. There’s been moments where I honestly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown- I was having panic attacks on my way to placement, losing my shit with the kids, crying all the time. I was so so stressed and still am in many ways; about to start full time work and still dealing with my addict ex, childcare, money, housing worries, second wave. It’s so much. I feel you. What has kept me going is trying not to think about everything because it’s just too overwhelming. Just think about each thing in front of you right now. If it’s a bill to be paid, focus on getting it done. If it’s an essay to finish, focus on each chapter at a time. If it’s a sick child or childcare issue, just get that one issue sorted. Don’t think about the next time or how the hell you are going to cope long term. Just deal with each mini issue as it comes and you’ll keep moving forward even when it feels impossible. I always think about that movie The Martian- if he thought about how he was never getting off Mars he’d have imploded and done nothing! By focusing on each issue as it came up, oxygen, food, he stayed sane and got through it. GOOD LUCK

I’m full of admiration for you OP. It sounds like one of the toughest juggling acts and you’ve almost reached the final hurdle. There’s a lot of wisdom being shared in earlier posts already, I just wanted to add a small thing.

Your 4 year old daughter is probably able to understand superficially what you’re doing - would it be possible to schedule something weekly for yourselves to do as a proper ‘time-out’ from your studies? I was thinking something like a pampering / meditation / foot spa at home type thing where there’s a designated day and time set aside, you both indulge in something relaxing that you don’t tend to do on regular days - eg she can have little nail stickers or a small temporary tattoo while you do a mask / foot wrap etc. It will recharge you for the week ahead and keep the pace for you during the last module and project. Being able to look forward to this session will get DD involved in your progress as well, she’s definitely already invested in this anyway, judging from her chocolate buttons .

You sound like a wonderful determined mother, I am sure you can do it, as you said, but the tiredness might have caught up with you, that’s all. Best of luck for the Masters!

Hi Op have you ever consider seeking a good personal mentor or a team of mentors? A good mentorship relationship that is a good fit/match.
A good mentor focusses on mentees personal development.
Benefits of a good mentor are providing advice,support and guidance based on mentees goals,needs/desires of mentee.

Good Mentors have walked the same career/courses path before,and can offer insight into potential unintended consequences or hazards.
This allows mentee,student to learn from potential mistakes before they make them.

A good mentor helps mentee to devolop their own thinking in terms of identifying all possible solutions and ideas to analysis their relative merits etc.
A good mentor is a guide helping to navigate mentee own path to success.
A good mentor (respected expert in your field of career path could well help to make a difference.
Check out the internet to look more into this and your university.
Best of Luck you can do this op,(you are almost there at finishing line on your course.
Brilliant achievement allready !(amagine what it feel like when you at the graduation ceremony.😊
You just need to visualise yourself achieving your goal and believe in yourself .
We all believe and know you can do this.