Covid dispute

[Jtbm]

Hi 👋
I will make it as brief as I can -
My partner of 3 years has 2 teenage children from one marriage to stay every other weekend along with a 7 year old child from a second relationship. All at different schools with step sisters in their primary Carers homes, also living in different counties to one another.
He has currently got decorators in redecorating bedrooms and a plumber in working on a bathroom. His parents are both remarried and all visiting his house and he seems to fit in going to the gym and pub or mates houses for a beer....:
He is on the brink of ending our relationship because I will only agree to seeing him in a socially distanced fashion with zero intimate contact due to the volume of people and households he is mixing with on a daily and close basis, kissing and cuddling.
I live with my 10 year old daughter and we have only seen friends and family outside other than the school bubble this term. I have been working from home since March and not had anyone in our home....
I am worried I am going to loose my partner if I do not drop my defence but I am really worried that he is not behaving responsibly and I don’t want to be at such high risk? Am I being to careful or am I doing the right thing?
Any thoughts on what’s best to do?

THe only thing you are being unreasonable with is questioning his approach. If he is in Tier 1 he doing what he is allowed to do and is comfortable doing.

You are perfectly within your rights to say this is the way it is going to be and he is perfectly reasonable to say ok or not

What is best? I think you continue and see what happens. You cant ask him to change he cant expect you. If he walks then he walks

I'm not sure either of you are being unreasonable - it sounds like you're just incompatible with respect to your attitudes to risk.
This^.
I think a lot of relationships will be affected by this issue.

I can understand your view completely considering your personal circumstances. You have your DD to look after. My DD has additional needs and we don’t have relatives or friends in UK who can look after her even on temporary basis so from the very beginning my DH and I have been very cautious about this virus.
Nevertheless your DP is right when he sees his DC and it’s ok to have decorators but in general he can’t live as usual, he have to do some adjustments so not going to mate’s house for a beer but rather going to a pub might be a good start.

People have different tolerances as to what risk they are prepared to take. So I don't think either of you are wrong, just different. I'd hope there was some compromise to be made - obviously he has to keep seeing his children, which is in itself inherently risky (secondary school probably one of the riskiest places about) but you could perhaps ask that he ensures he keeps properly socially distanced when he see friends etc? If he point blank refuses, then I suspect you are just incompatible.

It seems you are incompatible. You deserve better.

Let him go, so many kids an ex's.
Did you think he was a keeper? He doesn't seem capable tbh, covid or not.

He's on the brink of ending
Or he could be just bluffing and it's a power play, refuse to back down and see what he does 👀

I'm with you, you are being sensible and mitigating your own risk for your household but also the risk of you passing it on to others who are more vulnerable than you. As a single parent myself, I understand the desire to want to limit risk.

I'm in a similar situation, multiple step families, children, all in different schools intermingling. We are the only household trying to limit our contacts.

I got an email from my ex last night, who has contact with our child. His youngest with his new wife has been identified as a close contact of someone at school who has tested positive. He is currently with his wife and this child at his parents home (> 80 years old) visiting.

Now 10 interconnected households are impacted, multiple vulnerable people exposed. That's in our circle, from 1 interaction. God knows just how many more there are.

Whilst he can probably do all these things, it's pretty obvious the Tier 1 rules are now way near strict enough to keep people safe from infection. Just look at the number of cases at the moment!! The more people mix, the worse this is going to get. The more people you interact with the bigger your web. If one person in that web is exposed, or positive. The whole web is potentially at risk. Different people have different views on this and you should stick to what you feel comfortable with.

"I am worried I am going to loose my partner if I do not drop my defence but I am really worried that he is not behaving responsibly and I don’t want to be at such high risk? Am I being to careful or am I doing the right thing?"

No, he's not behaving responsibly, not at all. He's behaving as if there is nothing going on in the wider world and is choosing not to protect himself (fine, his choice) and by extension choosing not to protect those who he comes into contact with (not fine, not fine at all).

Your situation is that you are the primary carer for your daughter, and it would be very disruptive and downright distressing for her were you to get ill. He is not the primary carer of anyone - that's a big difference. You also are considering the welfare of of your 95 year old grandparents and wish to stay in contact with them. He isn't considering the welfare of any of his children or his parents.

"Any thoughts on what’s best to do?"
Seriously, stop worrying about losing your partner, because he will be no real loss. If he thought for two seconds about your situation - your daughter, your grandparents - he'd see where you were at. He'd see that you are making sure you are available to them. But he cares for their welfare as little as he cares for everyone else's. And he's not exactly caring about your welfare either, is he?

So if he's "on the brink of ending our relationship" I'd just save him the time and dump him. The relationship isn't working, you're incompatible. Why prolong something that doesn't suit either of you?

The more people you interact with the bigger your web
And if you are someone who naturally has a very small web why would you squander your advantage by associating with someone who has a large web?