So- long story short- my being very overweight is a considerable source of disappointment to my mother. When I got married- my partner was slim-ish, however both of us have put on weight and so now his weight is also an abhorrence to her. We are both v tall and therefore carry weight gain well, but equally we will be first to admit we don't make the effort regularly with exercise, enjoy booze too much and I have a chronic addiction to sugar whilst he adds salt to lots of stuff. So yes- we know, we don't make the best choices and we should do more about it.
My mother takes it upon herself to make comments and send 'helpful' information from NHS website about salt intake or from other health blogs about weight loss. None of it is rocket science- eat less, move more, less salt and less sugar, We know, we've told her we know this. Still she keeps sending stuff/making comments and I find it patronising/insulting/passive aggressive/unnecessary.
Now, apart from enjoying food and drink too much there are also a lot of emotional issues tied up in my eating. I started to unpick these in therapy about 7 years ago now but couldn't afford further sessions which I think would have helped. Right now I'm not in a financial position to go back to therapy. My mother is unaware I've ever had therapy for anything.
Anyway- I am well used to my mum's loathing of my weight, doesn't make it easier but I am used to it. My partner gets very cross about it and thinks as we've told her once politely we didn't ask for any advice etc. so don't give it, we should now be telling her to fuck off.
She is now extending her 'helpful guidance' to our parenting. I expect she has a huge fear- as I do- that our daughter will grow up to be a fat mess like I am and be unable to have a healthy relationship with food. I haven't told her I feel like this or asked her if she does. AIBU to think she needs to back off and trust that I, as a loving and caring mother, do put time, effort and consideration into what my daughter eats? The most recent issue has been she messaged to say she was very concerned by the fact we have frubes in our fridge and don't we know there's an obesity epidemic and type 2 diabetes crisis etc. Our DC is 2.5, very tall for age and also very slender. Pretty much the ONLY sugary food they have regularly is one frube tube approx 34g. I know 100g to 100g it is much more sugary than greek yoghurt but the portion size makes it less sugary than 100g greek yog and she enjoys it more etc. We don't give biscuits and we rarely eat cake except when we do baking (perhaps once a month). We keep her as active as possible- one walk or trip to playground a day on average, sometimes 2, limit screen time to about 1.5hrs/day. All I want is my DC to have a healthy relationship with food.
Sorry -this has turned into a post about our own parenting choices now. Thanks if you've read this far.
YABU- your mum should continue to send you the same NHS info and make comments/remarks etc. because you are still choosing to be unhealthy yourself and you might start feeding your child junk 24/7
YANBU- your mum needs to back off and accept it isn't her business, plus a Frube a day is hardly the devil's work.