First date .... not "fun"

[Bank3r]

Recently had a first date w someone who is perfect on paper! I like him, he's kind, respectful, attractive .... We did laugh but it I felt like there wasn't necessarily an instant click personality-wise.

I can be quite extroverted and "high energy", he seems calmer and more placid. All good things! We have been in contact over text / had some banter but it never really kicks off - he gives a cursory "haha" and responds but it doesn't seem as easy and free as it has with others I've dated in the past.

This is by no means a criticism of him, just a hunch that maybe we aren't too well matched.

Do I give it a go to see if we connect more deeply? Or leave it here? As I say I did like him, I think he is probably more mature than me but it didn't seem to be instant fun really which is what I look for - a spark, in which we really get each other's sense of humour.

I’d give it another date.

Agree with above. Give it another date or two and if you still have the same vibe, don't bother going on any more. Oh, and trust your instincts. I don't think we, as women, do this enough.

Give him some more time. He might be holding back a bit if he's not as extroverted as you.

So he hasn't asked for a second date? How is the communication level since date 1?

Has he asked if you want a second date?

Sorry yeah he has asked!

As long as you're not one of those 'oooh, I'm proper mad me' annoying people give it another go.

Going against the grain, I’d say you’re not suited. You want different kinds of relationships. Nothing wrong with either of your approaches per se, but if you’re already bored after one date, why waste more time?

I would give it one more date in case it was just first-date nerves but if that doesn’t hit the spot I’d accept that this one just isn’t meant to be.

Why are you forcing yourself to like/see someone who deep down you are not connecting with?

Seems odd to me.

We usually have a 'gut feeling' about people when we first meet them.

How did you meet? Online dating app?

Yep met on an app.

I think my initial feeling was that he'd be quite cocky/confident etc but he's not - which is a good thing! I have a good feeling about getting to know him more and find myself waiting for his texts. But just not sure.

Maybe you need to be clear with yourself what you want. On one hand you’re glad he’s not as cocky as you thought; on the other, you want instant ‘epic bantz’. Which is it?

It's entirely up to you. Every time I've given a 'I'm not sure' date a second go, it's just confirmed my feelings were right.

Some people take time to open up (me!). I think I'd give it a second date - maybe ask him to take you on a 'fun' date? You would like to understand his interests, what he does for fun etc. If you're still not feeling it then I'd probably move on. You definitely need someone you can laugh with in the long term, helps you get though the hard times.

Well, try another date, no harm. But it’s probably the case that ‘serious’ is his default setting and you may find that a bit difficult in the long run.

I would go on 1 more date but i would also semi test him by asking him to plan something fun to do for your next date, If it blows then you know your not for eachother.

I once did the same ... It went bad, showed me that we both enjoyed copletely different things so i ended it.

How did all those dates where you had a "spark" go, then? If they were so fab, why are you still dating?

I’d go on another date. A colleague had a first date and said the date wasn’t great, then next time I saw her they were head over heels for each other! Ended up married. So after that, I think definitely have a second chance date!

Instant sparks can fizzle just as quickly - maybe seeing him one more time will help you decide one way or the other

The whole "spark" thing is really overrated. I've only ever felt it with men who turned out to be twats (or after a prolonged period of celibacy!).

If he's interesting and you feel comfortable with him, then I'd give it at least one more date.

I would give him a second meeting, but lay off the texting/SM in the meanwhile. It is fine for communicating with people you will never know or giving brief instructions or pieces of information to your immediate family/social circle, but it is death to any kind of relationship with a new person.
Meet them face-to-face a couple of times and then decide if you want to proceed.

I went on a date once and I really wasn’t sure. I liked him but I didn’t feel that ‘spark’ that you talk of.

I did go on a second date with him but even then, I was still very ambivalent about him.

He asked me our for a third date and I was trying to find ways to diplomatically tell him I didn’t want to see him again but my best friend told me that it can take a while for feelings to develop and that if he was a nice guy with nothing intrinsically ‘wrong’ with him then I should give him a chance.

Anyhow, I ended up going out with him for a 3rd time and we are now married with children.

As another poster said, if “The Spark” you are looking for, like you had with your Exes is what’s important and the sign of what will determine a good relationship, then why didn’t it work out with them?

Definitely give it another go OP, you never know what might come from it

I used to be quite extrovert however over the years I am more introvert. How old are you

I am late 20s, hes late 30s

thanks all!!