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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt and a bit disgusted about this

50 replies

bagpuss90 · 23/10/2020 22:34

Last year I had an ovarian cancer scare . I went for a smear test and the nurse did a pelvic exam and felt a lump - I was crapping myself for a few days -then a scan revealed I had fibroids-phew 😅
My sister was supportive at the time - but she told me this week that she didn’t tell her DP I’d got the all clear straight away. This was because she was having an affair and told her DP she was spending a weekend with me when in reality she was away with her lover . Okay no harm done but I feel pretty hurt and disgusted that she used the situation to her advantage . Dunno if I’m over reacting....

OP posts:
PrincessConsuelaBH · 23/10/2020 22:39

I'd be fuming at being dragged into her shitty lie! And more so when it was based on you potentially being unwell. It would affect my relationship with her.

Glad it turned out ok Thanks

Cadent · 23/10/2020 22:39

I think YABU as you’re saying ‘no harm done’ to the affair! Her poor partner Shock She sounds like a thoroughly selfish and opportunistic cow.

Glad you got the all clear! Flowers

Mischance · 23/10/2020 22:40

Lord above! - how low will some people stoop?

Chinam · 23/10/2020 22:42

Your sister’s behavior was disgusting. I’d be fuming if one of my siblings used me like this.

Mytimetokillandmaim · 23/10/2020 22:44

Okay no harm done I wouldn't say that. You got dragged into a lie..,she used the awfully stressful situation you were in to benefit her...and her poor dp...

Newfornow · 23/10/2020 22:46

Why the hell has she told you now?

Apassingglance · 23/10/2020 22:47

She's put you in an awful position op of potentially having to lie. I would tell her not to do that again. Is your sister generally this thoughtless?

1Morewineplease · 23/10/2020 22:55

Bloody hell ! She used your health scare to lie about an affair???
I'd be livid and would dump her in it.
That's a very nasty thing to do, to use your health scare as an excuse.
Further words escape me on this.

ShebaShimmyShake · 23/10/2020 22:56

Dear God. How dare she exploit such a serious health scare to get her end away?

anothersleeplessone · 23/10/2020 22:58

Shame on her!

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 23/10/2020 22:59

It came up in conversation. I was so bloody relieved to get the all clear -even now . I think it’s clouded my judgement tbh

OP posts:
grapewine · 23/10/2020 23:04

How is there no harm done? She lied to her partner about an affair and your cancer scare. And she dragged you into her scheming. Selfish to the extreme.

I wouldn't be in a hurry to have anything to do with her, sister or not.

Mydogmylife · 23/10/2020 23:06

I'm sorry I don't think that 'no harm done ' is true at all! Her behaviour was beyond shabby on so many levels , and the fact remains she cheated and lied to her partner, who if they are still together could well find out about this sordid episode and you'll be dragged into it even though you knew nothing about it at the time.
I don't think I could ever see my sister in the same light again

Unjustlyconfused · 23/10/2020 23:09

@bagpuss90 I had a not-so-similar situation! My brother couldn't be bothered with working (he never has). I lost my baby at 16 weeks pregnant, so my brother told the Jobcentre he was suffering with depression because 'his little sister miscarried' (along with something that happened to our older sister in that same year). He didn't call, text, visit or care to visit and he got given benefits whilst I had to go back to work and education. We've barely spoken since, and that was seven years ago! He doesn't think he did anything wrong.

He's since told me that I'm 'lucky' I qualify for IVF on the NHS because 'I don't have kids'.. whilst he's abandoned his son, and wants kids with his new partner instead.

As the saying goes.. you can't choose family. I'd be major p'd at her!

Iola4 · 23/10/2020 23:10

Bloody hell, who's voting YABU?!
That's twisted! And she thought to tell you this as well!
I'm surprised you kept your composure with her.

nimbuscloud · 23/10/2020 23:21

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Original poster
bagpuss90 · 23/10/2020 23:24

nimbuscloud -I meant no harm done to my health !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
bagpuss90 · 23/10/2020 23:28

Jesus 🙄

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 23/10/2020 23:29

erm shes using you to cover her affair then

Italiangreyhound · 23/10/2020 23:32

Of course you meant no harm done to your health. I cannot believe anyone would be fixated on your sister's husband in all this. Of course she is doing wrong to cheat on him, and of course she is wrong to use you as 'cover'. YANBU to be upset.

Personally, I'd talk to her and explain how hurt you are by this action.

Concentrate on getting well and all being well with you. Your sister's marriage isn't your main concern here.

Thanks
BitOfFun · 23/10/2020 23:33

@bagpuss90 Grin. Ignore the hard of reading!

Italiangreyhound · 23/10/2020 23:34

Your post nimbuscloud is disgusting. This is nothing to do with the OP. Her sister is cheating. She isn't offering an alibi, she is being used by her sister.

How vile to speak to a woman like this who has been treated badly by her sister after an overarian cancer scare.

lilmishap · 23/10/2020 23:35

@nimbuscloud wtf? nobody becomes a shit through having a scare and that scare being lied about by a third party.

Anyone would be fucking disgusted by this. She used an awful thing that happened to you, to shit on someone else and get her own 'fun'. She also let you find out, as if you'd be ok with it. Which is bloody hurtful as it shows she didn't take it as seriously as you did. YANBU. I'd be heartbroken and furious

goingtotown · 23/10/2020 23:36

Hopefully her DP will find out about her affair.
She’s self centred, I wouldn’t feel the same about her after withholding your all clear result until it suited her.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 23/10/2020 23:42

I have such a mix of emotions -I feel heartbroken , betrayed , hurt and bloody furious - and much more

OP posts:
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