To feel hurt and a bit disgusted about this

[bagpuss90]

Last year I had an ovarian cancer scare . I went for a smear test and the nurse did a pelvic exam and felt a lump - I was crapping myself for a few days -then a scan revealed I had fibroids-phew 😅
My sister was supportive at the time - but she told me this week that she didn’t tell her DP I’d got the all clear straight away. This was because she was having an affair and told her DP she was spending a weekend with me when in reality she was away with her lover . Okay no harm done but I feel pretty hurt and disgusted that she used the situation to her advantage . Dunno if I’m over reacting....

[wineandroses1]

Op I think you need to tell your sister that you’re disgusted with her using your health scare as a cover for her affair and that if she ever uses you in that way again you’ll drop her in it with her husband.

[Italiangreyhound]

I don't think it is the OP's job to blow her sister's cover and expose the secret. In your shoes OP I would concentrate on your relationship with sister and not worry about her affair. It really won't help her and may not necessarily help him and will certainly hurt your relationship with your sister. She has been thoughtless but the venim on her is OTT in my mind.

[RoseGold7]

@BangBux

I'm the kind of person who'd get back at her by "accidentally" letting slip to her husband that she wasn't with me. Like, asking "did you two do anything nice last weekend?" to them both because you "forgot" that she'd told you that you were her alibi. But I'm just a nasty person like that.
Using someone else's cancer scare to get away with having an affair is disgusting.

I like this idea! After asking, mention that you got the news straightaway that you have fibroids. You were so relieved you went into town on your own and treated yourself to some new shoes.

[BangBux]

I'm the kind of person who'd get back at her by "accidentally" letting slip to her husband that she wasn't with me. Like, asking "did you two do anything nice last weekend?" to them both because you "forgot" that she'd told you that you were her alibi. But I'm just a nasty person like that.
Using someone else's cancer scare to get away with having an affair is disgusting.

[Italiangreyhound]

bagpuss90 "I haven’t spoken to her since she told me . I’ve no idea if the affair is still going on. I honestly don’t know where to go from here"

I must say I agree with LizzieSiddal "Be blunt and tell how awful you feel about what she did, how it’s really shocked you that she would tell a lie about you having a serious illness, so she could go and shag someone."

I think she needs to know how much she has hurt you. Her decisions about her marriage are her own business. Although I totally understand your being shocked or surprised about that too.

[AhoyMeFarties]

What a dreadful thing to lay at your door. Her husband thinks that she has been a kind supportive sister, so far from the truth. She has used your cancer scare to her own advantage. That's sick
Is she expecting you to continue the lie?

[Pesimistic]

Usualy the response to you or someone you love and care about having a cancer scare or other similar even puts things into perspective for people, obviously not for your sister who used it as ticket to go and get her jollys on for the weekend and elicit sympathy from her husband. Totaly disgusting and yes I'd be hurt too.

[LizzieSiddal]

Be blunt and tell how awful you feel about what she did, how it’s really shocked you that she would tell a lie about you having a serious illness, so she could go and shag someone. She need to know how you feel!

[bagpuss90]

I haven’t spoken to her since she told me . I’ve no idea if the affair is still going on. I honestly don’t know where to go from here

[LizzieSiddal]

Has she apologise to you?

If not you should tell her how furious you are, She needs to understand how utterly disgraceful her behaviour is.

[NeonGenesis]

I would be furious. If it were my sister I wouldn't go as far as to dob her in, but I wouldn't feel as close to her and I'd distance myself.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Hmm how crap of her. Is the affair still going on?

[Interfluvials]

Well, she only told you so if it ever comes up in conversation with him you know what to say very selfish of her and I wouldn't know how to react either!

[ClareBlue]

You're sister wins the prize for the worst behaviour detailed on a post this week.
So all you feelings are completely valid and what any of us would feel, but it is where you want to go from now.
I presume your health scares have put some perspective on your relationships and if you are generally subjected to this BS from sis you know it is the time to put a stop to it.
Good luck

[Didkdt]

It is a deeply uncomfortable feeling to what she did.
Families have a way of working through each other’s actions, but that gets harder when it involves something that has been done which someone isn’t aware of.
I assume your BIL will be around for many family events and now you know something he doesn’t that’s a terrible burden to give you

[Jericoo]

Disgusting behaviour

[Italiangreyhound]

lilmishap I agree it is not OK to have an affair, even if your husband is not asking questions about your sister (not sure if that is what you meant). But I can't imagine she would have to say a lot of lies about how she was feeling.

I think the sister just used her sister's illness as an excuse. Totally utterly wrong to have an affair and to use your sister as an excuse. But, my point was, we don't she was embellishing with a lot of additional lies.

"Any adult knows there will have been conversations about it..." Of course there will have been but not necessarily once her sister knew that the OP was OK.

I am not defending the sister but I just don't think we can know exactly how things were said.

[lilmishap]

@Italiangreyhound "I'm going away for a weekend with my sister who is ill"

She knows her sister is not ill. Any adult knows there will have been conversations about it, liars tend to embellish when lying. Affairs involve lying. It is not conjecture.

I didn't mention her husband, only that op was used to shit on someone. It is not ok to have an affair even if your husband is not asking questions and showing concern about your 'not really ill cause it's a lie' sisters illness.

[BitOfFun]

I don't think she's sick and twisted either, to be honest. Just very, very selfish. She will be running out of plausible excuses, and this one fell in her lap.

[MasksGlovesSoapScrubs]

She's sick and twisted.

[Italiangreyhound]

Sorry, didn't mean that to be in bold!

[Italiangreyhound]

lilmishap "Just thinking about the apparently 'little' lies she would have told to back this story up is making me angry. She would have been expressing worry, anxiety and fear that the worst would happen. While knowing you were not at risk."

That is, I think, total conjecture. You have no idea if the OP's sister's husband is a thoughtful man who would be asking questions and showing concern. Or simply may not be mentioning it at all. And if the latter there would be no need for the OP* to be expressing worry.

I think, once she knew her sister was well, she used the terrible health scare as an excuse for meeting the man she was cheating with. Awful behaviour but I don't think we can assume anything more than that.

[CandyLeBonBon]

Sorry op. It's shit. My mum did similar when I was in my late teens/early twenties when she'd tell her husband she was visiting me but she was visiting her bit on the side. It's thoroughly disgusting behaviour. You are right to feel hurt and used.

[lilmishap]

Of course you do. She USED your awful awful circumstances to achieve her own gains, ignored how serious the impact of this scare would be on you, (I've had a scare so I know the effect it has) and then she's let you find out, as if it was a triviality that you would be ok with, she also involved you in hurting somebody you have no reason to hurt. I'd be absolutely gutted, furious, and feeling like I didn't matter to her.

[lilmishap]

Just thinking about the apparently 'little' lies she would have told to back this story up is making me angry. She would have been expressing worry, anxiety and fear that the worst would happen. While knowing you were not at risk.

What kind of person could say My sister might be seriously ill while knowing it wasn't true? YANBU at all.