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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Trigger warning to think it’s cruel

63 replies

honeycomb129 · 23/10/2020 17:56

I’m in hospital after having a missed miscarriage and I had medical intervention which has now caused me to lose to much blood and now due to blood loss I’ve got acute kidney injury but the cruel part is they’ve put me on a ward surrounded by pregnant women with healthy babies all I hear is babies heartbeats on the ecg monitor and a lady next to me who’s pregnant keep talking about how excited she is and I’m sat here going through this I just think they could have put me on another ward surround gynaecologist problems and not pregnancy

OP posts:

Holothane · 23/10/2020 18:59

💐💐💐💐💐💐

mrshonda · 23/10/2020 19:11

Oh, I am so so sorry this has happened to you, and yes it is bloody cruel. When I was in hospital for a total hysterectomy, the nurse thought she was doing me a favour by walking me up to my op through the maternity ward so I could see the newborns. That op meant the end of any chance of a baby for me. So stupid and insensitive that they are still doing these things.

TableFlowerss · 23/10/2020 19:31

That’s awful OP. Whoever designed that department/hospital needs sacked. Utterly thoughtful and must be really difficult

TableFlowerss · 23/10/2020 19:32

thoughtless

BoudicasBoudoir · 23/10/2020 19:42

Oh you poor thing. I can imagine how hard that must be.

CovidClara · 23/10/2020 19:50

I had this 25 years ago in London. I had just given birth and a few days later I had a suspected retained placenta

They sent me for an internal scan (first come first served) I walked into a crowded waiting room of couples with my baby and a woman just freaked out, screaming. Only then did I realise that everyone else was having suspected miscarriages. I spent 3 hours sitting on the floor in the corridor around the corner with my baby. I did complain and they said it wouldn't happen again. It was so awful for them.

Iamthedevilinthedetail · 23/10/2020 19:51

You are most def not being unreasonable but it always seems to be done this way. When I was having my first, the girl in the next bed had delivered a severely disabled baby who did not live for long, and she was in there with all of us. In fact the nurse had come round the ward earlier and had asked for some of our flowers because there was a baby being christened in the chapel who wasn't going to make it and they wanted to make the chapel look nice for the family. With a ward of hormonal new mums, you can imagine how many flowers she got...

namechangenumber204 · 23/10/2020 19:52

I am so sorry you are going through this - I can still recall the lady in the next bed to me when I had my eldest son had had a stillborn baby - and they put in on the ward with the mums. I still find this horrifying and it was over 30 years ago.

Iamthedevilinthedetail · 23/10/2020 19:54

Personally I'd let one of the nurses 'catch' you crying somewhere quietly and tell her why. You'll find that nurse will push for a single room for you.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/10/2020 19:56

I can't believe stuff like this still happens.

My DM still remembers being on postnatal with me while another woman had had a stillbirth. All the midwives could do was rush the discharge of the healthy babies to allow the woman space.

MoonSauce · 23/10/2020 20:11

Covid or no covid, that's not OK.

I'm so sorry for your loss

bananamonkey · 23/10/2020 20:15

I’m so sorry for your loss and for this situation. When I had an ERPC for MMC I was put in a side room, I hope they can find you something soon x

Original poster

honeycomb129 · 23/10/2020 20:16

Thank you to everyone! My partner came to visit me and saw how upset I was and called the nurse told her how I was feeling and demanded I was to be moved or he would make a complaint. She tried to argue with him about the beds but eventually agreed to move to a side room thank you for all of your help and kind words it’s really helped! So sorry to what some of you ladies had to go through too

OP posts:

Brefugee · 23/10/2020 20:35

it happened to me in a very small hospital (i was at 13 weeks) and was in a room with a pregnant woman and just crying all the time and her DH complained that i was ruining their experience... i asked to be moved and was told it wasn't possible. So i packed up what i had and asked my DH to take me home. It was only when i pulled out the IV that i finally got put in a room alone.
It was awful.

ghostyslovesheets · 23/10/2020 20:40

glad they moved you and sorry for your loss and the fact you had to make a fuss - I was on the gyne ward with mine which was better - and in a side room x

TommyShelby · 23/10/2020 20:41

Oh OP, this is terrible. I had the same thing last year (obviously pre Covid) and they put me on the antenatal ward. I was so distressed I could barely function. It was only when my mum came to me and I physically couldn’t speak I was so upset that someone actually listened to me. My mum did what your DP did and advocated for me to get me separated. It is unspeakably cruel that anyone thinks this is acceptable.

Emilu89 · 23/10/2020 20:46

I'm so sorry. You've done amazingly to go through that and I'm so relieved to see you've been moved. What an awful experience. I do hope you are being looked after by the nurses at such a difficult time. Wishing you stronger days ahead.

Odile13 · 23/10/2020 20:59

I’m so sorry OP. It is wrong. It is cruel and shouldn’t happen. I’m so sorry to read the other experiences on this thread too. My thoughts have been with everyone I’ve read about.

My own story is not as bad as some others but I will never forget when I had a missed miscarriage two years ago. I went in for medical management and they said they couldn’t give me an exact appointment time, just show up and wait to be seen, so I sat in the waiting room for six hours. Women with children were sitting around me going for scans and coming out with scan images. After I had the medical management I had to go and sit in another waiting room for an hour waiting to get codeine for pain relief while miscarriage started. I just couldn’t believe that things could be so badly organised and the already upsetting experience was made even worse.

Yamaya · 23/10/2020 21:12

I'm so glad they moved you. Well done your partner. I hope you get some rest and can concentrate on getting better now.

LondonLassi · 23/10/2020 21:13

OP, I’m so sorry for your loss 💐. The same thing happened to me when I lost my baby at 14 weeks and had to have a D&C. I was put on the postnatal ward before and after the surgery. It was horrendous and so incredibly cruel. I have flashbacks of crying inconsolably with a pillow over my head trying to block out the cries of the newborns next door. It will stay with me forever.

Original poster

honeycomb129 · 23/10/2020 21:22

I honestly can’t believe how often this happens I truly feel for all you ladies who’ve gone through this too. All I had done until my partner arrived was cry I was so distraught. I’m settled into the side room they’ve completely moved me off the ward and finally put me on a new ward I’m going to finally get some rest and try and recover I’m awaiting surgery to remove the pregnancy tissue that didn’t come away when I had the miscarriage medication while getting fluids for my kidneys hopefully be home soon i really appreciate your kind thoughtful words

OP posts:

TheRealJeanLouise · 23/10/2020 21:35

I’m so sorry @honeycomb129. Unfortunately yours is a common experience. I remember recovering from surgical management 8 years ago and hearing other women labouring around me. Thankfully I know that hospital has had a reshuffle of their women’s health and ante/postnatal wards. It is cruel and unnecessary.

Sending you love and healing thoughts at this difficult time

Wearenotyourkind · 23/10/2020 21:39

Sending much love to you, OP 💗

Casschops · 23/10/2020 21:57

I had an early miscarriage but had been tryìng for six years so baby was very much wanted. I had complications and then a uterine infection so ended up having a D and C as everything had not come away. Iwas kwpt overnight in a ward of new mums. Heartbreaking OP but there was nowhere else to put me. I could complain all liked but had to suck it up.
Its worth an ask OP. Im so sorry for your loss.

Whattheducks · 23/10/2020 21:58

Whoever the person is who has voted YABU, you are a massive cunt and a horrible person.

OP YANBU in the slightest. I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact you have been put in this position

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