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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Negative Stereotyping

84 replies

MiddletonMama · 23/10/2020 12:14

My 10 year old son's teacher calls him the Class Clown in a derogatory way. I'm fuming about this. I accept that my son may be misbehaving in class and disruptive but surely teachers are better equipped to deal with this than resorting to name calling and labelling with a negative stereotype. My son moves up to high school next year and I am worried he will carry this label with him and always be the class clown and never have aspirations to be anything else. AIBU?

OP posts:
PhilSwagielka · 23/10/2020 12:29

@TheSeedsOfADream

Well, you've been told about his poor behaviour. Now sort it and the other students won't have their education disrupted and the teacher wont need to complain. Was it you she said it to? If so, how did you respond? Class clowns are a Pita and never as hilarious as they think they are. For a while the other kids might play along, but trust me, once they realise that someone is disrupting their education they tend to move themselves away.
Agreed. Occasionally they could be funny but most of the time they were a huge pain in the arse for those of us who actually wanted to work.
esmethurst · 23/10/2020 12:29

@MiddletonMama

I just don't think it's very nice. I thought we were trying to teach kids to stop calling each other names so how can they learn that if the teacher is doing it? Surely she has other ways of dealing with misbehaviour.
You know what's also not very nice?

A teacher sitting up late in the evening planning a lesson that they then try and deliver effectively to a wide range of abilities but one child behaves like a class clown then causes disruption which means all the other children miss out and the teachers lesson is ruined. Combined with an absolute lack of responsibility from the child's parent.

That's not nice.

Ohalrightthen · 23/10/2020 12:29

If a child is playing up for laughs from their peers, generally the most effective way to get them to STFU is to take them down a peg. Negative feedback for negative behaviour.

Original poster
MiddletonMama · 23/10/2020 12:30

Okay fair enough. I respect your opinions. Maybe if you met my son and met his teacher you might think differently.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/10/2020 12:32

So basically your going to keep on blaming the teacher rather than looking much closer to home.

And this is what teachers have to deal with on a daily basis!

ZaraW · 23/10/2020 12:32

@MiddletonMama

Okay fair enough. I respect your opinions. Maybe if you met my son and met his teacher you might think differently.
You do realise that if he doesn't change he is going to carry on this behaviour into secondary school. Take responsibility for YOUR child.
Ohalrightthen · 23/10/2020 12:33

@MiddletonMama

Okay fair enough. I respect your opinions. Maybe if you met my son and met his teacher you might think differently.
You're aware you asked a forum of internet strangers for their opinion, arent you? If context is essential, we're the wrong audience.
esmethurst · 23/10/2020 12:34

@MiddletonMama

Okay fair enough. I respect your opinions. Maybe if you met my son and met his teacher you might think differently.
The fact that even you, as a parent, admit your son has poor behaviour shows that it must be really poor.

I used to teach a little boy like yours. His parents would always drum into him it was the teachers fault and that he was ok.

He didn't have any friends in class and was always lonely. It was sad because it parents brought it on him and refused to see there was an issue that needed sorting.

He moved to secondary with no friends and was the 'naughty' child.

That is your sons future.

Original poster
MiddletonMama · 23/10/2020 12:35

I agree. The context is essential so I am saying that I respect everyone's opinions on the context that I gave. I asked a question, I received an answer and I'll take it on board.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 23/10/2020 12:35

Did teacher call him this in front of him? I do agree, if so, that the teacher shouldn’t. This can almost become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Are his peers aware of his nervous tics? Would you be happy for them to be told when he was not in the class? A boy in my tutor group had nervous tics and with the agreement from the boy and parents I spoke to the rest of the tutor group about this. It helped.

cameocat · 23/10/2020 12:41

How on earth do you think this will follow him to secondary school? The information that is passed on is SEND, safeguarding etc.

As a teacher I can tell you how hard it is to teach children who show off and disrupt. Help your child with his social anxiety by dealing with situations more appropriately. It may build his confidence as he is better received by peers and teachers.

sst1234 · 23/10/2020 12:43

It’s not the teachers job to instill aspiration in your so, it’s yours. Honestly, it’s unbelievable that teacher have to put up with this bullshit from the likes of OP.

Marcipex · 23/10/2020 12:49

I agree with pp. ‘Class clown’ means he is a pain in the arse.

OverTheRainbow88 · 23/10/2020 12:56

@sst1234

It is a teachers job to instil aspirations. Of course it is... aim high and achieve!

@cameocat
In the summer term our year 7 tutors visit primary schools to find out about the children moving up... they get told way more than SEND etc!’

faelavie · 23/10/2020 12:59

I know people are ripping on you here but, although it's obvious your son's behaviour is an issue, I don't think teachers should name call. I used to daydream sometimes in primary school and my teacher gave me a name that other children soon picked up on and bullied me for. Because the teacher called me it, they thought it was OK.

sst1234 · 23/10/2020 13:01

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@sst1234

It is a teachers job to instil aspirations. Of course it is... aim high and achieve!

@cameocat
In the summer term our year 7 tutors visit primary schools to find out about the children moving up... they get told way more than SEND etc!’[/quote]
Teacher are there to teach. The clue is in the name. Through being taught well, by default some children with higher aspiration (instilled by parents) will be compelled to achieve more. This nonsense about expecting teaches to parent children only serves to harm children, not help them.

Sunnyrainshowers · 23/10/2020 13:01

Jesus op you're getting a hard time. For what it's worth, I agree with you. I have taught my children that it's not ok to call people names. So I'd be mighty pissed off if a teacher undermined that by calling kids names.

I'd expect my children's teachers to be able to manage behaviour in a way that doesn't label and stereotype

OverTheRainbow88 · 23/10/2020 13:02

@sst1234

We will have to agree to disagree. Teachers do far more than just teach.

esmethurst · 23/10/2020 13:05

@Sunnyrainshowers

Jesus op you're getting a hard time. For what it's worth, I agree with you. I have taught my children that it's not ok to call people names. So I'd be mighty pissed off if a teacher undermined that by calling kids names.

I'd expect my children's teachers to be able to manage behaviour in a way that doesn't label and stereotype

But it's not stereotyping

If a child is purposefully acting up for a few giggles, then they are behaving like a clown

cameocat · 23/10/2020 13:16

@sst1234 not at ours! They come and meet the children and we complete a spreadsheet about them but unless a child is very disruptive (behaviour plan) or needs extra help (support plan) then they aren't labelled differently.

Personally I would never call a child a name in front of my class, I might tell them they are behaving in a way I don't like but I certainly don't agree with public humiliation - I'm not sure this goes as far as that.

Do support your son though to behave appropriately, he will make his name at secondary school through his actions more that what is fed to tutors.

Original poster
MiddletonMama · 23/10/2020 13:36

Thanks for the few messages of support. I am honestly taking all of them onboard though. When I said it might follow him to high school, I didn't mean that the primary school will report it. I meant it as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sorry, I don't know how to reply to messages - the teacher did say it to my son and everyone is aware of his tics as they are noticeable. His friends are fantastic and accept him the way he is. He's receiving support for his mental health from the NHS but I think his teacher is doing little to help build his self-esteem with this labelling. I just think she could be dealing with it in a more positive way. If it helps to put it into context, when I told the School Office Manager about this, her reply was that I should punch her in the face! Now, please don't backlash me for that! I would never dream of taking such action. I say this only in support of my view that she is wrong and her fellow staff members don't think too highly of her either.

OP posts:
esmethurst · 23/10/2020 13:37

her reply was that I should punch her in the face

Yeah, I highly doubt that

Ohalrightthen · 23/10/2020 13:39

@MiddletonMama

Thanks for the few messages of support. I am honestly taking all of them onboard though. When I said it might follow him to high school, I didn't mean that the primary school will report it. I meant it as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sorry, I don't know how to reply to messages - the teacher did say it to my son and everyone is aware of his tics as they are noticeable. His friends are fantastic and accept him the way he is. He's receiving support for his mental health from the NHS but I think his teacher is doing little to help build his self-esteem with this labelling. I just think she could be dealing with it in a more positive way. If it helps to put it into context, when I told the School Office Manager about this, her reply was that I should punch her in the face! Now, please don't backlash me for that! I would never dream of taking such action. I say this only in support of my view that she is wrong and her fellow staff members don't think too highly of her either.
OP are you OK? This sounds delusional.
BlankTimes · 23/10/2020 13:41

Very often, kids who are struggling to keep up with their peers behave like the class clown to deflect that.
They see their clowning behaviour as a 'shield' so no-one realises they can't do something.

Seriously OP, have a word with school and try and find out WHY your son is behaving that way. How is he at following instructions? Can he organise himself to do tasks in the right order? At which point in the lesson is he disrupting, that could be a clue to seeing the tasks he finds difficult.

Work with the school to discover which areas he struggles in and find out what you and the school can do to support him.

ALL behaviour is communication, find out why your son chooses to behave like this then help him.

TeaStory · 23/10/2020 13:43

Today on “Things that didn’t happen”...