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AIBU?

OH thinks no kids are left hungry?!!

361 replies

ihate2020 · 23/10/2020 12:08

I've joined the cook4kids over the half term in our area.

Oh is pissed of about it and thinks the parents that collect the lunch boxes I've made up are just out to get a freebie and I should spend the money on our own kids

AIBU to say he is a delunsional idiot?

OP posts:
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Teirsforfears · 23/10/2020 13:23

@ihate2020

I’m a teacher and I’ve known kids on work experience (so 14 year olds) who don’t have money to feed themselves on their placements. So you’re husband is wrong.

Also thanks for letting me know about cook for kids I’ll sign up thank you.

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rainyoutside · 23/10/2020 13:26

Some of you would like to remove kids from every parent claiming benefits.

Some of you think every child on FSM comes from a home with no warmth, no love, no stimulation.

Some of you are wrong.

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amatsip · 23/10/2020 13:27

He needs to look up Daniel Pelka

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dontdisturbmenow · 23/10/2020 13:29

I’m a teacher and I’ve known kids on work experience (so 14 year olds) who don’t have money to feed themselves on their placements. So you’re husband is wrong
Sorry I had to smile at this as I discovered years ago that my DS, as his friends, stopped every day at the licence to buy crap food with their lunch money. When challenged, they'd say they didn't have money as didn't want to come clean how it was spent!

None of them were starving and certainly didn't look undernourished!

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Love51 · 23/10/2020 13:29

I have worked with some disadvantaged families over the years. Of course there are a tiny minority of highly abusive families who would spend money on anything but their children, and it is really hard to help these children. However, the vast majority would find money or a way to feed their children somehow - these families are poor, not monsters. However this would lead to arrears in essential bills (council tax, gas, electric, and crucially, rent). So if by providing the child with lunch we are preventing the family falling into rent arrears, I chalk that up as a good thing.
If we were to legislate to make poverty wages illegal, that would be even better, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

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MootingMirror · 23/10/2020 13:31

@rainyoutside

Some of you would like to remove kids from every parent claiming benefits.

Some of you think every child on FSM comes from a home with no warmth, no love, no stimulation.

Some of you are wrong.

No one has said that...
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Anotheruser02 · 23/10/2020 13:37

Does your husband feel that you can't as a family afford to help like this?
I think that is important.

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NeonGenesis · 23/10/2020 13:39

I don't really understand what his issue is though. You aren't talking about him forking over a load of cash to give to these parents. You are giving a small bit of food to hungry children. It's an incredibly simple and effective way to help hungry children eat. Even if their parents are cackling in the corner about how wonderful it is that someone has given little Timmy a sandwich, so they can spend an extra couple of quid on their heroin scratch cards, the point is that little Timmy got a sandwich, which he wouldn't have gotten if you hadn't given it to him.

It's not often I feel that issues are black and white, but giving actual food to hungry kids is pretty black and white...

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NeonGenesis · 23/10/2020 13:41

Some of you would like to remove kids from every parent claiming benefits.

Some of you think every child on FSM comes from a home with no warmth, no love, no stimulation.

Some of you are wrong


Who said this? I haven't seen anyone say that on this thread

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HollowTalk · 23/10/2020 13:41

@MootingMirror

People who think the speed someone eats determines their hunger levels need to meet my DH who could eat fifty meals a day and still eats like a Dyson on max.
Often, in my experience, the children who are deprived food eat more slowly to savour it - but everyone is different.

I would say that a really hungry child eats quicker, rather than "slowly to savour it" - if you're hungry you don't really care about the taste - you just want to stop the hunger.
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Fairybatman · 23/10/2020 13:41

The reality is that it is a complex problem.

Some families will have to choose between eating and heat, eating and rent arrears. Some families will not prioritise their children’s needs regardless of how much support is in place, some parents are desperately trying to provide for their DC in very difficult circumstances, some don’t care.

I don’t think that the hyperbole helps to be honest. It makes it easier for people to dismiss genuine concerns when they are overstated.

In reality millions of children won’t go hungry, but a number will and some of those could have been helped. Many more families will manage lunches, but at the expense of other essentials or at the expense of parents eating.

In a supposedly civilised society that shouldn’t happen, there should be no such thing as working poverty but it’s becoming more and more common.

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HollowTalk · 23/10/2020 13:42

I think you are confusing a child who isn't hungry but doesn't often get treats, with someone who is really hungry.

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hopingforonlychild · 23/10/2020 13:45

Even if you don't know anyone personally who hasn't been to university.
Even if you don't know anyone who struggles to feed their kids and don't read newspapers (which would tell you all you need to know about the food poverty in this country).
Tell him that the fact that the tories are happy to fund Eat out to Help Out to feed people with disposable income but are unwilling to pay for the school meals of poor kids speaks volumes. I never knew our welfare state meant socialism for the rich but nothing for the poor. I would rather live in a low tax jurisdiction if that was the case!

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MitziK · 23/10/2020 13:46

Governors only hear about the children whose experiences get as far as GB meetings. They have no dealings with the day to day, common or garden teenagers who are being fed by staff because they've fainted. Or have put on a smile and said 'I'm not hungry' or 'I ate my lunch at breaktime'/'I've got cash, so I'm going to get something on the way home where I'll get more for my money' where it's been referred to the DSL but there's not enough proof to do anything yet.

Governors also tend to be rather wealthy in my experience. Well, the row of shiny Mercedes and even a Bentley or two in the car park for meetings suggests a certain standard of living and experience beyond that of the children (and most of the staff).

People have to wait for UC. People can find out that their employer has closed without notice, there's no redundancy and their last month's salary isn't coming, either (it's usually payday when businesses decide to close). They can be dismissed for any reason within the first two years - which adds extra time on to the lead time, especially if the employer isn't helpful by giving a letter that can be shown to the JCP or answers calls from them. With ZHCs, if they have a written contract (and employers are shit at doing this, even though it's law), they could be required to obtain confirmation from the employer that there is no work, rather than their refusing to work.

At present, Hackney (I think) council has an IT problem where housing benefits for those who aren't on UC and council tax benefit hasn't been paid. In the case of rent, the landlord doesn't have to care and can demand full rent. Even if they're in social housing, they could find out only when the direct debit takes full rent from their account rather than the usual amount or there just isn't enough money in there to cover it. And the second a council tax payment is late, you have to pay or they will demand the entire year at once and proceed to recovering it through the courts and bailiffs. Doesn't matter if it isn't your fault, you have to pay it out of nothing and they'll knock it off your later payments if you manage to get it reinstated.

What do you do then? Bump the rent, let the electricity go off, hope it'll be sorted out before you get demands that will be enforced of paying up £1500 within 28 days?


I've read this morning that people told to SI through the app rather than track and trace don't qualify for the so called extra £500 payment. Can nobody imagine a situation where somebody already barely managing loses their pay because they're not working and are only told afterwards 'that money you were promised? Not going to happen. You downloaded the app, it's your problem'.

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MitziK · 23/10/2020 13:51

@MootingMirror

People who think the speed someone eats determines their hunger levels need to meet my DH who could eat fifty meals a day and still eats like a Dyson on max.
Often, in my experience, the children who are deprived food eat more slowly to savour it - but everyone is different.

Nah, bullshit.

I could win a speedeating contest with ease. Had to learn to eat a lot and eat it fast because you didn't really didn't want to taste it in case you didn't like it.
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PenguinIce · 23/10/2020 13:55

@hopingforonlychild

Even if you don't know anyone personally who hasn't been to university.
Even if you don't know anyone who struggles to feed their kids and don't read newspapers (which would tell you all you need to know about the food poverty in this country).
Tell him that the fact that the tories are happy to fund Eat out to Help Out to feed people with disposable income but are unwilling to pay for the school meals of poor kids speaks volumes. I never knew our welfare state meant socialism for the rich but nothing for the poor. I would rather live in a low tax jurisdiction if that was the case!

I agree!

Since the government funded Eat Out to Help Out they could also pay for pubs and cafes to feed kids on FSM over half term, would be a win win in the pubs/cafes get extra business and kids get fed.
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plominoagain · 23/10/2020 13:59

No kids are left hungry - the facts of whose fault it is , is irrelevant. The kids are still hungry . Do you know that hunger is one of the quickest ways to get kids into county lines dealing ? They hang round the streets with their mates because they don't want to be at home for whatever reason . Their mates get food , they don't because they can't . And then some 'nice guy' offers to get them a meal , or a group of older lads buy them a meal , gain their trust , and this is how it starts .

I had a conversation this week with my DD . She's just found out one of her peers at school , has been stealing her food , because he's not fed at home . I'd been trying to work out how she'd been spending so much on food . She'd been buying two lunches instead of one .

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Kaiserin · 23/10/2020 14:01

I've joined the cook4kids over the half term in our area.

OP, just to say you're a everyday hero and the world would be a much better place if there was more people like you.

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oakleaffy · 23/10/2020 14:02

@amatsip

He needs to look up Daniel Pelka

That case was utterly tragic.

But the Evil mother was to blame there. Deliberately starving that dear little boy.

It makes one weep.

Food ideally needs {As @MootingMirror suggests} to go directly to the children.

Sadly there are some parents out there who will just sell food vouchers to buy drugs with.

It is a very sad situation.

Food given directly to the children is a very good idea.
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TheKrakening3 · 23/10/2020 14:03

@SilverRoe

Ok I understand now, thank you. I find it hard to wrap my head around vouchers being used for this purpose and I don’t believe vouchers are a longer term solution. It’s good that new rules have been introduced.

I’m not in the UK but it is common to see people selling vouchers outside supermarkets. So a $100 voucher gets sold for $50. Cash in hand for the seller, and some dishonourable buyer gets their groceries cheap.
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MintyChapsticks · 23/10/2020 14:04

I believe that it is the fault of the parents in the vast majority of cases. Whether that's through addiction, neglect, not giving a toss, who knows. But yes the fault lies with the parents overwhelmingly. Some parents are just shit. And I appreciate that's irrelevant when kids need feeding

schemes like @MootingMirror talks about - where the food goes exactly where it needs to go - are perfect. We need to know this food is ending up in children's stomachs and not given as vouchers or cash to parents. So that's what I'd like to see - all children fed but done in a way that we KNOW they've been fed. Not a £15 or whatever voucher handed to a parent.

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QueSera · 23/10/2020 14:07

@MootingMirror
I agree with you. The food has to get directly to the chid with no opportunity for interference. Quite a challenge outside of school.
The thought of hungry children breaks my heart.

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corythatwas · 23/10/2020 14:08

You know, I always thought that when I spent money on something that was good and right I was spending money on my own kids.

I was teaching them values, I was building up their trust in me as a person who did try to do what was right and could care about something outside of myself. Particularly when they become teenagers and start connecting with the outside world, knowing that your parents want to help others is a reassuring thing.

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marmite79 · 23/10/2020 14:09

Poverty is very real. Embarrassingly I’ve never give it much thought. I live in an area where you don’t see much in the terms of poverty. I sound like a right snob here. I’m not well off but comfortable and can afford to feed my kids but the truth is so many parents cannot.

I’ve seen some awful comments today about parents spending money on cigarettes and alcohol
And not on food. This may be true for some families but they are probably in the minority. Sadly families really do struggle! Even if the parents are taking advantage why should children suffer? Kids need to eat!

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movingonup20 · 23/10/2020 14:10

@fairynick

No it's not fair on the kids which is why in some cases targeted help needs to circumvent poor parental choices. Here rather than vouchers during lockdown, teachers took lunches each day to vulnerable families (and brought extra for younger siblings) because they knew giving them vouchers was tricky because (a) some would sell them (b) some would spend them on stuff for themselves and (c) many didn't have cars and the supermarkets are hard to reach without one due to stupid bus routing from the estate (obviously some fell into more than one category). It's not a one sized fits all problem, plenty of struggling families make the best choices they can but anyone working in this area (I did) will quickly realise that the picture is varied and you can quickly get quite cynical. Bringing food to youngsters meant they actually got it, it's a reason why some advocate giving benefits partly in vouchers/goods rather than money which happens in some countries. I'm no longer working there, covid meant no funding, which means no more community food programmes for the elderly (my specialty)

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