OH thinks no kids are left hungry?!!

[ihate2020]

I've joined the cook4kids over the half term in our area.

Oh is pissed of about it and thinks the parents that collect the lunch boxes I've made up are just out to get a freebie and I should spend the money on our own kids

AIBU to say he is a delunsional idiot?

[rainyoutside]

So OP is dipping into her own pocket. It’s a commendable cause but can her family comfortably afford this?

[AriettyHomily]

@MootingMirror

DFIL is the Chair of Governors at a school in central London where there is a lot of food poverty etc and DH is a teacher (and I used to be one). I'll be honest even though I'll get slammed for it.
Children are not going hungry unless their parents are either not applying for the help they're entitled to or the parents are not prioritising the children over their own needs. When lockdown kicked in, DFILs school gave out vouchers for school lunches - the vouchers weren't spent on food for the students and the vulnerable children (who still attended school) turned up without lunches. (The canteen was closed which is why the vouchers were given out instead of them getting the meals at school). The school then handed out food parcels to the families instead of the vouchers and the students STILL came in without food because it was sold/swapped for other things. It got to the point where the very vulnerable children who came to school had the canteen reopened (in a limited capacity) and the school had staff going door-to-door handing out food to students and watching them open it so it couldn't be sold or traded elsewhere.
Food is cheap in this country, benefits have been raised, schools have provisions for pupil premium students - some parents do not care. What you're doing will help hungry children but those children are hungry because of their parents.

I'm shocked that you have lumped all the vulnerable kids in the same bracket. Disgusting point of view tbh.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

@MootingMirror I see what you mean. I'd be all in favour of that, but can't see it happening under this government

[MootingMirror]

[quote feministfemme]**@sapnupuas* "What you're doing will help hungry children but those children are hungry because of their parents." This is what @MootingMirror* said but I'll reference it as you're backing up her points.

I guess my point is that we are in a pandemic involving massive job loss and so the ratio of cheeky beggars to people who are actually in need is probably quite contrasting. I think any help is good (and we can add more like directly giving food to children) but I don't think the idea that everyone who accepts the food is looking for "freebies" in a derogatory sense is either correct or empathetic.[/quote]
I confused at how you think that me saying it "will help hungry children" is "striking off help".

[Greyscreendream]

@MootingMirror I agree with you.

[rainyoutside]

I’ve had this argument before on MN.

Most parents love their children and will ensure they are not hungry.

[MootingMirror]

@rainyoutside

I’ve had this argument before on MN.

Most parents love their children and will ensure they are not hungry.

You're absolutely, spot on correct. Unfortunately, not ALL parents are "most" parents. And those are the children we need to really worry about.

[feministfemme]

@mootingmirror I saw it as striking off help because OP's husband actively doesn't want her to do it. He says she should focus her attention on their own children, which I disagree with. I also don't think the majority of people who ask for that food are doing it to sell it for cigarettes (or anything of the like).

[CraftyGin]

@FredaFrogspawn

I’ve given food to hungry children at school. And talked to desperate parents who aren’t choosing to deny their children food but have to make choices around preserving the roof over their heads. The person whose father in law is a school governor can’t possibly know every child’s story. Perpetuating stereotypes like that is dangerous.

The stereotypes are there for a reason.

If you know part of the problem, you can start to tackle it, and help children one-by-one.

If you are afraid to step on toes, no one benefits.

[blueangel19]

Good for you that are doing something real to help. I used to help and contribute quite a lot in the past. However, I was put off by some locals being very vocal about their resentment of people like me.

[rainyoutside]

If I gave food to every kid who purports today be starving I’d be broke and have MUG on my forehead.

[MootingMirror]

[quote feministfemme]@mootingmirror I saw it as striking off help because OP's husband actively doesn't want her to do it. He says she should focus her attention on their own children, which I disagree with. I also don't think the majority of people who ask for that food are doing it to sell it for cigarettes (or anything of the like).[/quote]
Ok, so, going back to my comment that you have such a huge problem with. Find the part where I said anything about OP's husband? The part where I commented on anything he's said to OP or anything about OP's children? Find where I said the majority and the part where I said about cigarettes?
If you can't be angry because of something I've actually said then stop tagging me in your posts to say you disagree with something that was either a) posted by a completely different person or b) made up inside your own head.
What I said, and you quoted is that what OP is doing will help hungry children - why do you disagree so fervently with that comment?

[feministfemme]

@rainyoutside Wow! Your kindness is truly astounding.

[mummumumumumumumumumum]

There is a really lovely cafe in my town that started in March providing free lunches every day to kids. All the parents need to do is email on a sunday for meals for 3 days and again on weds. Its a great idea but I know 2 families at least (one who started getting them because she was told what a bargain it was from the first) who had both parents working through the pandemic and weren't struggling just literally wanted a free lunch. My partner was made redundant and i only work part time but we don't want to take food out of the more needy mouths.

[CraftyGin]

@dontdisturbmenow

I've seen children devouring their free school lunch in seconds, they are so hungry
This doesn't mean anything at all. My eldest was never keen on eating school dinners and I often had notes to let me know how much she's eaten. My second though would so just that, eat everything in 20s and then ask his friends for more. Both ate exactly the same. Eldest was very slim, the second just a healthy weight but borderline overweight.

There are lots of reasons children devour their food. Some of them want to go out to play or get first dibs on the computers; others cannot manage eating with others so they get it over and done with in minimum time.

I remember being “starving” at school, despite being well fed at home. Active, growing children work up appetites.

If children are regularly coming into school with empty bellies, they need to be moved up the safeguarding system.

[MootingMirror]

People who think the speed someone eats determines their hunger levels need to meet my DH who could eat fifty meals a day and still eats like a Dyson on max.
Often, in my experience, the children who are deprived food eat more slowly to savour it - but everyone is different.

[MynephewR]

The problem is that hungry children usually fit into two categories.

-Those with loving families that are struggling financially and will use any help that they can get to ensure their kids are fed. These are they type of parents who would rather starve themselves and give their kids whatever little food they can afford.

-Those who have abusive/neglectful parents who don't give a shit whether their kids are starving or not.

Solutions which give the parents food/vouchers/money will help the first category of kids but won't make a blind bit of difference to the second. No child should go hungry, regardless of who's fault it is (it is never the child's), but we need to accept that there are some shitty parents out there and act accordingly so that those kids don't get missed.

[SilverRoe]

@MootingMirror - So are you saying supermarkets are not enforcing the rule that vouchers can only be spent on food?

[rashalert]

If you give money/supermarket vouchers to feckless parents there is a good chance the child will still go hungry and the feckless parent laughs up their sleeve at the extra money that has just been gifted to them and that they intend to spend on themselves.

Because these parents do exist-and they do- and because they can't be singed out-giving money/ supermarket vouchers will not work because some children will still go hungry.

So, there needs to be another way. Maybe vouchers that can only be exchanged at the supermarket for goods from a small list of unexciting but nutritious food, voucher that would not be attractive enough to be sold on.

That said, I do wonder why parents who are so feckless that they will let their child go hungry-not using money and vouchers intended for food-are even allowed to have those children in their so called 'care.'

[MootingMirror]

[quote SilverRoe]@MootingMirror - So are you saying supermarkets are not enforcing the rule that vouchers can only be spent on food?[/quote]
I never said that...

[CraftyGin]

My DIL’s primary school provided packed lunches during lock down for the FSM kids. Most of them were never collected and had to be thrown away. :(.

[feministfemme]

@MootingMirror I agree that I often speak generally of what people are saying while tagging you (because what you've said is the springboard for what most people are saying "e.g. I agree with Mooting, I think Mooting meant ..." etc) so I'll apologise if I'm not quoting you correctly or directing my feelings at the wrong person.

However, I do fundamentally believe that OP is doing a good thing. (Don't say "I never said she wasn't" etc, I'm just saying it). I think her husband is privileged and he's clearly not coming from a position of volunteering / experience in relation to people in poverty, and so I see it as an empathy bypass rather than a cohesive opinion on what the government should or shouldn't be doing in relation to child poverty.

I can understand you would do things differently (which I agree with in parts) but just because something could be done better doesn't mean that supporting people who might be looking for "freebies" is a bad thing. I want to help kids in abusive homes, and I also want to help kids whose parents are genuinely struggling to feed them. I'll stop tagging you and we can agree to disagree on certain topics, I am just personally invested in this topic.

[Eckhart]

@MootingMirror

the parents are not prioritising the children over their own needs

The fact that the parents have lessons to learn does not feed the children.

[jlgsy94]

I would go hungry when i was little. Mum wasn’t in work due to various issues and still had to feed me and my sisters. We’d be alright for a couple of weeks but the rest of the month would be very hard.

Since we’ve had our 4 kids, I’ve always spent an insane amount of money on food. I can honestly say if the fridge/freezer and cupboards aren’t full i will feel really depressed. This is because I NEVER want my kids to ever have to experience what I had to, that would honestly break my heart.

If I ever came into a large sum of money, then I would not hesitate to help other children and their families. To not do that if I had the means would be just as bad.

[thelittlestrhino]

@MootingMirror

Do you really think that the very very few parents you are discussing, you know the abusive ones who sell all their foodbank items and eat all the food themselves, the ones with the bruised/withdrawn/gangmember/drugged children, would actually BRING their children into school daily for a free lunch?