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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling criticised

37 replies

StrawBerry781 · 23/10/2020 00:19

Hey all
Lying trying to get to sleep but finding my self teary. Me and OH have been together nearly 8 years and have a 7 month old son,
I bought a picture frame for my bedside table to put a picture of my son in (it’s a nice frame and picture) he noticed it tonight and said (can’t remember exactly what he said) but basically your ott you have too many pictures of him everywhere do you not think it’s abit much. I have 1 on bedside 3 professional ones on fireplace and three on the sideboard in the living room. Am I being ott? He also criticised me when my screen saver was me and my son saying it doesn’t look like you why do you that silly thing with your mouth. I thought it was a nice one, I blocked him on Instagram because he kept saying things about my pictures. He likes too many photos of girls that use filters lol he also made a tik tok account just to follow attractive girls 2/3 months after I gave birth made me feel like utter shit
I am a sensitive person and take everything to heart.
Yesterday he phoned to ask was I putting my son on the floor so he could crawl (he’s not ready at all to crawl) not sure if his parents asked that one as when he took son to there’s at the weekend and came back raising an eyebrow saying his jeans were to tight for his legs to bend to crawl (his jeans were baggy enough and had a good amount of stretch in them)
MIL went to give son some of her donut when he was 6 months we said both said no.
OH was eating a donut asked son if he wanted any and put it to his face i moved back slight he said oh yeh I forgot only your mum can feed you. His mum and dad laughed with his brother I was pissed off at that one as in laws feed him when I’m not there bare in mine OH has never made son a meal nor cooked him a meal .
Just feeling deflated like I get criticised and questioned all the time, I cry a lot more than I did before over it all, am I being over sensitive?
I come from a broken family and all Iv dreamed of is having my own to look after and love. Finding myself wondering what life would be like just me and my son
Thanks for any replies x

OP posts:

porridgecake · 23/10/2020 00:23

Your partner and his family are nasty bullies.
You have every right to enjoy pictures of your baby and to look after him and feed him properly.
Doughnuts are not appropriate for little babies.

Cabinfever10 · 23/10/2020 00:31

6 photos in 1 room is a bit ott however the rest is quite passive aggressive. Why has your oh never cooked for or fed your ds

Merryoldgoat · 23/10/2020 00:32

I suspect that life on your own with your baby would be much nicer than with that arsehole.

My children are plastered all over our house and I gave my husband framed pics for a gift which he loved and has at work.

He’s a bully.

EKGEMS · 23/10/2020 01:02

Currently in my home I have eleven of our son (who is twenty years old!) I think you have a mean,son of a bitch you've got as a partner!

Leaannb · 23/10/2020 01:32

I couldn't agree more with @EKGEMS....This is borderline abusive. Put up as many pictures as you want.

Chloemol · 23/10/2020 02:03

Yabu to keep calling him my son, it should be our son

YANBU to feel the way you do, your oh sounds a nightmare

Anordinarymum · 23/10/2020 02:33

If you have been with this guy all these years then you will know what his family are like. He sounds like a right mean minded pillock. if you don't deal with all of them they will carry on making you feel like this.

Start telling them to get lost or shut the fuck up or something less vocally challenged, but do it now before you go mental

AlwaysCheddar · 23/10/2020 07:15

I’d prefer to be single.

flaviaritt · 23/10/2020 07:23

I think once you’ve had to block your partner on Instagram, it’s time to question the place of that relationship in your life.

LavaCake · 23/10/2020 07:30

Your partner sounds so mean. I can’t wrap my head around anyone behaving that way to someone they supposedly love. I’m so sorry

Plmoknijb123 · 23/10/2020 07:31

It is your house. You can have 1000 photos if you want. You don’t need permission to decorate your own home, nothing is OTT!!

passthemustard · 23/10/2020 07:33

I think you're partner is jealous of your baby. He's also an immature dickhead.

How can any parent say a few photos of their only child is too many??? And as for saying you look silly in photos that's just plain horrible and not how a loving partner should behave.

Bluntness100 · 23/10/2020 07:37

He sounds insensitive, and the family rude.

On the other hand six photos in one room is a bit much but it’s your home, you can have as many as you wish.

This is one of these threads where I wonder if you’re a bit sensitive and pfb, and they are the opposite and not handling it well, ie there is their side, your side and the reality of the situation, which is some where in the middle.

If you’re crying a lot have you considered if you’ve a touch of pnd?

Nanny0gg · 23/10/2020 07:45

Ok. The crawling question was reasonable. Your DC is 7 months and won't crawl if you don't put him on the floor and do tummy time.

Have as many photos as you like.

Youre living with an immature bully. Is he jealous?

Wibblywobbly40 · 23/10/2020 07:47

Yanbu with the photos....

Now the rest of it (this is a presumption by myself and I could be very wrong) you sound alot like me when my DD was a baby, I had this thing in my head that I was the only one that knew how to deal with her and that I knew best. No they should not be just trying to give your son foods without asking "is he allowed some of this" first but I did notice you said when he was 6 month old. So I am gathering he is a bit older now so can't see why he can't be put on the floor to try crawl even if he is not ready on your eyes sometimes you just never know.
My DD never crawled she just walked but I would say that was because I had the mindset I know best. Maybe he has never cooked for your son or fed him because you never gave him the chance again I was like this. All of this from my behalf was a mistake but until they are a touch older it's not something you will realise because I had it made it for myself that she was so clingy to me I would turn around and trip over her she would follow me everywhere, she never asked her to do anything it was always me and when I desperately needed someone to look after her when her dad was at work and I needed to go to an appointment or something she would scream the place down and constantly ask the person looking after her where is my mum until I returned.

I am not honestly not being critical to you and I am just reading between the lines and I think maybe they are digging at you because they are frustrated with maybe not being able to advise you but they are definitely putting this across in the wrong way.

As for your partner being plain nasty about photos of yourself or overly critical of you I would definitely have a think if there is any point in going forward

Wibblywobbly40 · 23/10/2020 07:49

That was meant to say she never asked her dad to do anything for her

beansonbread · 23/10/2020 07:52

He is treating you with so little respect, does he know how much his words hurt you? Or even how much his family hurt you too? I know my DH would be mortified if he knew I was so upset by something he said.

As for the photos, you can have as many as you like! I love photos and have them all over my house. There are photos of lots of our family and friends in most rooms of our house but just thinking of DS - there are 3 single photo frames and 1 large 24 photo frame of which 16 are of DS in the kitchen/dining room, and 4 in the living room, 4 in DS's room, 1 in our bedroom and 1 in my office. I think it's great to have photos everywhere personally so you do what makes you happy!

ExclamationPerfume · 23/10/2020 07:55

He should definitely be doing tummy time ready to crawl. They have to get used to it. I agree with him on that.

Everything else he sounds like an idiot.

Florencex · 23/10/2020 07:57

You only say “my son” and six photos in one room is a bit much as it is not just your home and not only your baby. Could you have used a photo of the three of you as a screen saver? I think it is possible he feels pushed out. The baby isn’t too young to crawl, if you don’t let him try you won’t know. I am not sure why there is a problem that his parents might have offered some parenting advice or asked a question, I am sure this is not an unusual thing, particularly when you are both first time parents.

That is obviously not to say that his behaviour is acceptable, because it isn’t. In fact he sounds vile for various other reasons. But I do wonder if there is an element of you excluding him from the baby’s life.

RB68 · 23/10/2020 08:00

putting him on the floor is called tummy time - so usually on a blanket or light quilted play mat type thing and a few things within reach - it strengthens all the right muscles and best done in babygros or leggings and top type clothes rather than stiff or tight adult like clothes at that age although obviously clothes for babies are usually made to allow for age appropriate activities like crawling etc.

When people want to feed him but are offering inappropriate food - just say yeah sure let me get him some of his food as that might upset his tummy, its a bit too sugary, bit to lumpy etc etc etc find him appropriate food or say to them there are tubs in th fridge and let them get on with it

I think all this beh from others is still at a level that if you push back and be a little more assertive or robust in responses it will quieten off and be fine.

Good Luck

MotherPiglet · 23/10/2020 08:04

Your dh and family are being awful and you need to speak to your DH about this and how it makes you feel.

Your ds should be having time on the floor and tummy time to get him ready for crawling. He might be no where near ready at the moment but he'll only get ready by building up the muscles needs to do it. Is he sitting up yet? Help him build his muscles.

Regarding the donut, no it isnt an appropriate food for a baby but has your DH not made any meals because he hasnt been given the opportunity? Speak to him about this. Offer for him to feed DS, he might be feeling a bit pushed out and frustrated.. he isnt portraying himself in the kindest way but talk to him and see if you can resolve this.

BlueThistles · 23/10/2020 08:08

Yabu to keep calling him my son, it should be our son

oh FFS

saraclara · 23/10/2020 08:09

@Florencex

I agree with this. Six photos on one room is a lot. Especially if they aren't even photos of the three of you together. And yes, tummy time is vital at this age surely? That certainly the impression I got about my granddaughter's development.

The tone of your DH's comments is way off, but it sounds like you're leaving him out..and if you want him to make meals etc, then tell him, and involve him.

Also the posters telling you to have 1,000 pictures because it's your house? It's his too..and I bet they wouldn't take that tack of their husband unilaterally took over the photo decoration of their house.

angieloumc · 23/10/2020 08:10

Why on earth should she have a photo of the three of them as her screensaver when he's so vile to her?
OP, your OH is a nasty bully and his family aren't much better. Yes maybe your LO should have tummy time, and maybe 6 photos is too much (not that I think it is) and maybe jeans are impractical in their view, however there is a kind way to say these things. You'd be better off just you and LO, and I would seriously think about leaving.

Burrit · 23/10/2020 08:15

Sorry but if you want to decorate your entire house from floor to ceiling with pictures of your son then I still wouldn't see that as being too much he's your baby and you're proud of him, he sounds like a horrible nasty inconsiderate t**t as though you don't feel crap enough after having a baby without having your supposed to be partner putting you down all the time, was he like this before you had your baby? I'm normally all for people trying to work relationships out but he sounds horrible you need to get rid, you also don't want your baby being brought up to think treating women this way is okay which sticking around would enforce, I really feel for you I hope you are okay

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