DH on Snapchat

[N0tthe0nlyfruit]

DH went up to bed ahead of me. Left Snapchat on and he had multiple chats going with women. Gifs included 'nice ass' and (ugh) 'creamy finger'. I don't use Snapchat so clueless here. I'm sitting here, wondering if my marriage is over. He woke up and I said 'you shouldn't have left your Snapchat open' - it was flashing on screen. He said 'huh?' and went asleep again. Oh Christ...one part of me hopes someone can tell me I'm getting this all wrong

Hi OP I’ve never used Snapchat. I’m sure other people will be able to say more about it.
But - was he essentially having sexual conversations with other women?
Are you ok?
It’s the sort of thing that I’d leave my husband for. But not everyone would.
I suppose Gifs are perhaps things that could be shared as supposed humour - which I bet he will say.
But he didn’t even speak to you about it?
He’s a cocky cunt, isn’t he?
Does he have form for this kind of thing?

Your dick of a husband is up to no good. My guess this isn't the first time you've had doubts.

I think it's a very personal situation in that he may well be on the road to cheating and this is the tip of the iceberg or you've got a poor communicator avoidant type who can't express his needs (whatever they may be) and is reinventing himself online as an escape from himself....

Either is enough to re-evaluate the relationship from your pov though!

I'm gutted. Thanks Krazy - he's always acted the put upon in our marriage and made me feel I am hard work. He's moody, lazy and distant but I've given up trying to reach out. Maybe this is the result. I asked him to ho to marriage counselling a few years ago but he didn't like the idea of the expense. He's the kind of man that everyone thinks he has the hard time from me, but his casual cruelty is awful to live with. I'm thinking this is the end for us now.

'Go' to a marriage counsellor even...gr8 typo 🤣

Ugh yeah he is a shit. He will probably tell you any old shit to weasel out of this but he is WAY over the line here

Woah. I'm sorry what. That's terrible. Sorry OP but that doesn't sound right at all. He's up to no good sorry to say. Are you planning to ask him about it?

I'm gutted, lying here crying. He's sound asleep. Dreading asking about it because @Flittingaboutagain you were correct, he's a weak, poor communicator that I wonder if he's just gone somewhere else with his needs.

No idea what to do here. No fucking idea.

Not good I'm afraid.
And to be honest, Snapchat messages disappear after 24 hours, so what you saw may only be the tip of the iceberg.
If you want to keep them, screenshot his screen with your phone . If you join Snapchat to follow him and keep and eye on it, if you screenshot any of his messages on there from your account the app will notify him.
I'm sorry.

On my snapchat I can have it so it disapears after 24 hours or disapears instantly after I've seen it. So sorry OP.

Feeling very low today. He has denied it. Said he was looking at porn but what I saw (Snspchat messages) must have been some kind of a pop-up.

@Wakeupalready

Not good I'm afraid. And to be honest, Snapchat messages disappear after 24 hours, so what you saw may only be the tip of the iceberg. If you want to keep them, screenshot his screen with your phone . If you join Snapchat to follow him and keep and eye on it, if you screenshot any of his messages on there from your account the app will notify him. I'm sorry.

You can't view messages to other people on Snapchat. But the screenshotting is very good advice.

Hmmmm he's sexting other women. That's what Snapchat can be used for as no record kept . Usually teenagers use it to chat to their mates but a grown man snap chatting other women is dodgy

And those gifs and messages??

Get your ducks in a row and decide how you want to play this

He won't admit it or apologise so can you live with his? It's all rather creepy so I couldn't

It's better to be on your own and find a decent partner if that's what happens than to spend/waste your life with a creepy tosser

Because that's what he is

Imagine if you needed him or got ill, he'd be too busy thinking about his dick snd how quickly he could leave you than wanting to be there for you

It sounds like you are unhappy in the marriage anyway. Where do you stand financially and practically if you do decide to leave?

To be honest he doesn’t sound great even without the Snapchat message
Honestly life is just so short leave the miserable fcker

OP, I don’t usually respond to many posts on Mumsnet but today I couldn’t help myself.

You don’t deserve this shit.

He doesn’t value you.

The world is huge and the options are endless. Dump his baggage, free yourself and get out before it’s too late.

You may meet someone new who actually appreciates you, maybe now or in 10 years. That’s not the important part. The important part is that you don’t waste your time with someone who can’t appreciate you.

Please don’t waste another tear on that loser. It’s HIS loss. You’re fantastic and gorgeous and have so much to do in life.

Good luck, be strong, don’t fall for his shit again.

Sorry OP. He’s doing the dirty and you know he is. You deserve a million times better. How long have you been married? Any children?

Married 15 years, one 12 year old.
He's absolutely insisting it was some kind of pop up from Pornhub. But I was able to open different chats and see the messages.
He came home with 3 counsellors' contact details and admitted we were in trouble. I'm numb.

There is a lot of porn on snapchat. They are porn specific accounts, some girls name usually. They try entice men with pics then eventually leads to paying for it. It can be like normal porn but feel more personal.

Sounds like you should have walked away from this marriage a long time ago. You dont sound happy and he makes you feel like your hardwork. He has refused to go to marriage counselling in the past. What were you waiting for?

He is now willing to go to see someone now as he has been caught out.
Time for you to think about your own future and what you want that to look like.

OP what do you mean by left Snapchat on?
Did you open the app and then usernames to see chats?
I use Snapchat daily and your description does sound more like pop ups that are on porn sites than how the app actually works.

To answer the questions:

Yes they looked like gifs with additional messages.
Stand to lose my home - I only work part time due to a long term illness. Already ill and he's very poor at stepping up when I'm struggling- but will do stuff if I ask. He's never cheated b4. He stopped trying in our marriage 5 years ago. I kept begging him to deal with our growing apart but he ignored it. I keep thinking of the Foo Fighters "are they getting the best, the best, the best, of you"? I don't think we are well suited, no matter how we might love each other.

@picosandsancerre I suppose I really do believe in trying to get through bad times in a marriage. Plus DS is an age that a split would be very tough on him. There's few arguments or nastiness so it would be a huge shock. One part of me feels that even though I made a mistake choosing my spouse, that was my mistake.
@MinnieMD - there was an active screen on his mobile. When I closed the message (gif and message) I could see the lists of usernames. I opened some and they had existing message threads with messages in them from "me" - him - to different women.

I believe in trying in marriage too however it sounds like you have done all the trying, arent happy and your DH has refused counselling, is moody , lazy and has created an image to others that your difficult wife.

Your DS will be growing up seeing this as normal, separation or divorce at any stage is hard. so please dont hide behind your DC. I feel for DC caught up in there parents messy relationship and get used as a reason to stay.

Creamy finger??