Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

MIL 'nice' but not nice? How to handle it

42 replies

Aloneagainornot · 21/10/2020 23:09

MIL suggested I get fine thread veins lazered off my face. I have roscea and it has affected me but I have made peace with my face after years of despair about it. I no longer give a fuck but I do wonder about the motivations of people who offer unsolicited 'help'. She has previously bought me expensive clarins face brush so she obviously thinks my skin problems are her business. I feel under scrutiny from the skin inspector. AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

238 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

12%

You are NOT being unreasonable

88%

Sertchgi123 · 22/10/2020 05:38

Tell her that your skin is not up for discussion. End of.

Thewiseoneincognito · 22/10/2020 06:59

OP thread veins can look unsightly, I’d recommend using The Ordinary Glycolic toner after cleansing. Follow with a good serum regimen and you should see results fairly quickly

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 22/10/2020 07:17

I can't believe the posters on this thread doing exactly what the MIL is doing. How rude!

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 22/10/2020 08:25

You know in your gut whether she's being tactless, or disguised bitchy.

Tactless, have a polite but firm word that you are already managing the condition and it's not necessary for her to make any more comments or try to help.

Bitchy, give as good as you get!

I have a tactless mil. She looks at me thoughtfully for a few seconds then blurts it out. So far on the themes of my being very pale, having very wonky teeth, and being overweight. Astoundingly rude but luckily i can laugh on the whole. The teeth comment hurt at the time. Funnily enough her other DIL went non contact years ago, and she is mystified as to why.

curiouscat1987 · 22/10/2020 09:59

I had multiple laser sessions for my rosacea and it didnt help for what it's worth. I think it's quite different from 'normal' thread veins, and you'd probably need 5+ sessions at £100+ per session.

VettiyaIruken · 22/10/2020 10:02

Have you told her how you feel;and asked her to stop?
If not, it might be a good idea to try that before going down the PA / early comments / eye rolls route.

If she is genuinely trying to be nice, she'll apologise and stop.
If she's being 'nice' she'll show it and you'll know where you stand.

Sarahsah4r4 · 22/10/2020 11:17

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy

You know in your gut whether she's being tactless, or disguised bitchy.

Tactless, have a polite but firm word that you are already managing the condition and it's not necessary for her to make any more comments or try to help.

Bitchy, give as good as you get!

I have a tactless mil. She looks at me thoughtfully for a few seconds then blurts it out. So far on the themes of my being very pale, having very wonky teeth, and being overweight. Astoundingly rude but luckily i can laugh on the whole. The teeth comment hurt at the time. Funnily enough her other DIL went non contact years ago, and she is mystified as to why.

What does she do if you are astoundingly rude back though?
people who dish it out should be able to take it don't you think?

Aloneagainornot · 22/10/2020 22:26

It's probably my MIL ha ha

OP posts:

Aloneagainornot · 22/10/2020 22:31

No not really I don't expect her to buy me thongs why would I?

OP posts:

Aloneagainornot · 22/10/2020 22:34

Obviously I'd be in therapy if she were buying me thongs. Things things! I can't navigate the blinking posts very well.

OP posts:

RunBackwards · 22/10/2020 22:37

Just tell MIL how it makes you feel?

None of the PA responses here will help or make OP feel any better.

saraclara · 22/10/2020 22:37

Such childish responses to this from many posters.

How about "thanks MIL. But all the advice I've had from the dermatologist is that these things won't help. So I've come to terms with my skin and it isn't something I want to dwell on any more. I'm all about perfume (or whatever) now if you're thinking about Christmas presents"

justilou1 · 22/10/2020 22:38

I would buy her tweezers and a magnifying mirror. See how she likes it.

Aloneagainornot · 22/10/2020 22:39

I'm with you custards creams I think she does mean well probably but sometimes I want to escape. Ha she probably feels the same! Thank you for your lovely reply and love to ya.

OP posts:

justilou1 · 23/10/2020 01:58

If it makes you feel better, my MIL is obsessed with sex and keeps sending me hideous, nylon lingerie (in her size not mine, so eeeeew) and sex toy catalogues, etc... Makes opening presents in cafes rather awkward.

Aloneagainornot · 23/10/2020 05:46

@justilou1 that's hideous. On reflection I've realised I'm being a bit unreasonable and she basically means well.

OP posts:

popcornlover · 23/10/2020 06:13

Did her comment come out of nowhere or was it part of a conversation in which you mentioned your skin? The way the comment came about will help people understand if she was being mean or kind.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.