To think once the spark has gone you can’t get it back ?

[Coralista]

20+ years into a relationship
If the sparks gone it’s gone right ?

What do you do though ? Stay and accept it especially if you still love and care about the person or do you finish it 😭
Really not sure but feeling crappy

The romantic spark does go for most people after a few years, but you hope you can be really good friends. The major problem is if you also no longer like each other or sex drives are massively incompatible. A lot of couples find they were all spark and nothing else.

@unmarkedbythat

TBH I think you can. But you both have to recognise that it's missing, you both have to want to get it back, you both have to be prepared to make some effort to get it back and you need to agree on what will be done to try and achieve that.

Also, this. You can't "work at a marriage" on your own.

You're going to have to ask him for a serious and honest talk about what's going on, and explain that it's very hurtful and disrespectful to effectively be told that you're imagining it when you plainly are not. If he really won't talk to you about it or go to counselling with you about it, then you'll have to make a decision based on the knowledge that the situation isn't going to change and what you can live with.

If he is willing to talk about it one way or another, change is possible.

It's hugely unlikely that after so many years, he suddenly isn't attracted to you. More likely to be the situation, whatever that may be.

@Love51

Of course you can. Take That even wrote a song about it - 'relight my fire' 🔥

Actually by Dan Hartman in 1979. As you were ...

Ah I assumed from the OP that you were the one who wasn't attracted to him anymore. That's a tough one, there's not really any advise any of us can give to that I don't think except he's going to have to want to work at getting back. I'm sorry though, it must be really shitty for you

OP that's tough and I think these uncertain times when everyone's feeling under all sorts of pressure will certainly take its toll on relationships.

Could you have a glass of wine / beer together and have a chat about how you're both feeling about the future? It could start as a conversation about the more general stuff - covid / brexit (if in UK) and then onto you as a couple?

I think you need to speak to him as he might be preoccupied with his own worries about job / family / future etc and not realise that you're feeling the marriage and his focus have drifted.

I think you can improve things even just by being aware of them but not if you're not both on the same page.

Good luck!

I think the spark can come back if you start to see your partner in a new light.

The best thing you can do (if you want to give the relationship a bit more time) is to build up other areas of your life. Spend more time on exercise and interests, see your friends more.

I know seeing friends is difficult at the moment, but if you are in an area where you can meet for walks or a meal that would be good.