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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do if you saw a sign in a window saying "help me"

261 replies

Lois345 · 21/10/2020 11:48

I saw a sign in a window today saying "help me." It was one of those neat black framed boards that you can write on by moving little white plastic letters around. It was facing the street. Would you call the police? Do you think they would respond to this? I live in Edinburgh, if that makes any difference (maybe someone here with local knowledge of the police)

OP posts:
steppemum · 21/10/2020 17:41

@TwoLegsBadFourLegsGreedy

Please call the police.

I've been DV free for just over a year now, and I used to leave random "clues" around, hoping that someone would somehow understand them.

I'd call myself by my full name if I was canceling an appointment because I was too bruised to attend (I never answer to my full name- even professionals get asked to call me a shortened version of it

I've done the "pizza" thing too, but I mouthed "help" at the delivery guy

I wrote it in steam on the window of the room he locked me in for three days

Please call the police. You may save a life.

wow, well done you for getting out.

Did anyone respond to your clues?

itsgettingweird · 21/10/2020 17:49

Two legs well done for escaping. And excellent ideas about clues.

And mainly thankyou for sharing. It'll help us all recognise things and maybe make that call that could change someone's life Thanks

Ginfordinner · 21/10/2020 17:49

Quite frankly, I'm disappointed at the posters who would have assumed it was a joke and just walked on. How do they know it's a joke?

TwoLegsBadFourLegsGreedy · 21/10/2020 17:56

Nope. Eventually I gathered the strength to leave.

I'd reached out to friends vocally too, who assumed I was exaggerating because I can be a bit of a gobshite.

I'm free now though

anothersleeplessone · 21/10/2020 17:58

I'm seriously pleased for you @TwoLegsBadFourLegsGreedy, well done ThanksThanks

DynamoKev · 21/10/2020 18:01

I live in Edinburgh,
Disappointed, I came on to ask if it was in the Window of 10 Downing st.

thesoundofthepolice · 21/10/2020 18:04

@Lois345 depending on how the call has been put through you may well get a call back advising, you to some extent, of the outcome. Ie they may be able to tell you it was a joke, someone has been given help etc.
They can't/won't go into a lot of detail but they can give an update of sorts to put your mind at rest.

chrislilleyswig · 21/10/2020 18:56

@BashfulClam

Call the police, people ignore things all the time thinking it’s pranks or people filling around but it’s better to check. A woman was brutally killed and raped in Glasgow and she was heard screaming and shouting ‘stop it!’ People heard it and dismissed it, maybe if they’d called the police she could have been helped. A man actually said to his girlfriend ‘if we hear about a murder tomorrow then we’ve just heard it happening!’ He did nothing.

If that had been me I would probably have shouted ‘are you ok? Do you need the police?’ If it was silent in response I’d shout ‘I’m calling the police’ in case the person was being silenced by an attacker. It might have made the person who did it give up and run off. I lived nearby and thought about her often, she was tiny and was snatched getting out of her car and dragged into a park.

I was just thinking about that case and what the man said about hearing it has never left me. She could have been saved at that stage. Moira Jones Sad
anon2334 · 21/10/2020 19:41

Think about it would someone being abused put a note up saying help me at the window where the perpetrator also lives and could see it ? Incredibly unlikely but in rare instances possible if he doesn’t go out. Either way if if it’s a joke it’s terrible, Halloween possible or something more sinister so do maybe just call.

Skyla2005 · 21/10/2020 19:42

Might be domestic violence or a child being neglected

chloechloe · 21/10/2020 20:07

@anon2334

Think about it would someone being abused put a note up saying help me at the window where the perpetrator also lives and could see it ? Incredibly unlikely but in rare instances possible if he doesn’t go out. Either way if if it’s a joke it’s terrible, Halloween possible or something more sinister so do maybe just call.
I think you’re underestimating just how desperate somebody in such a situation could be. Perhaps they are locked in the house or have no money or phone or Internet access and have tried to make a discreet call for help in the few minutes where the abuser is somehow otherwise engaged.
steppemum · 21/10/2020 21:40

@anon2334

Think about it would someone being abused put a note up saying help me at the window where the perpetrator also lives and could see it ? Incredibly unlikely but in rare instances possible if he doesn’t go out. Either way if if it’s a joke it’s terrible, Halloween possible or something more sinister so do maybe just call.
as someone said up thread. Maybe it is behind a curtain, or tcuked behind a bookcase, or because it is facing out he wouldn't notice.

Loads of reasons why she might be able to put this up without him seeing.

Ginfordinner · 21/10/2020 23:05

@BashfulClam

Call the police, people ignore things all the time thinking it’s pranks or people filling around but it’s better to check. A woman was brutally killed and raped in Glasgow and she was heard screaming and shouting ‘stop it!’ People heard it and dismissed it, maybe if they’d called the police she could have been helped. A man actually said to his girlfriend ‘if we hear about a murder tomorrow then we’ve just heard it happening!’ He did nothing.

If that had been me I would probably have shouted ‘are you ok? Do you need the police?’ If it was silent in response I’d shout ‘I’m calling the police’ in case the person was being silenced by an attacker. It might have made the person who did it give up and run off. I lived nearby and thought about her often, she was tiny and was snatched getting out of her car and dragged into a park.

DH and I helped a girl out when we were out walking the other week. At first we thought they were just mucking about, but when we heard her crying and shouting "leave me alone" we went to her aid. Her boyfriend was shouting and pushing her about. I asked if she was OK and she said no. We stayed with her until her dad arrived.

I would have called the police because the boy was drunk and very aggressive but she asked me not to.

I'm glad we could help her.

Bunnybigears · 21/10/2020 23:25

I once saw a teenage girl being half carried/dragged into the back of a car from a house in just her nightie while I was walking the dog it was about 5am and she was saying things like 'leave me alone and 'I don't want to'. I called the police even though I was a bit scared because I know the man saw me as he drove away with the girl on the back seat. I dont know what the outcome was but the police said even if it was somehow innocent they would rather they decided that than me.

Flittingaboutagain · 22/10/2020 00:30

Well done OP. No harm can come from an overreaction as the Police said it's their job to decide not ours, whilst doing nothing can kill.

Jericoo · 22/10/2020 01:16

Call police but do NOT knock on the door! If it is domestic abuse you could just be alerting the abuser to the fact that the victim is seeking help

DancingInTheGarden · 22/10/2020 09:31

@MillieVanilla I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Thank you neighbour!!

D4rwin · 22/10/2020 09:59

I was once the subject of one of those calls to the Police. I was very grateful. I was seen "only" shouting "piss off, leave me alone" at a car crawling behind me as I walked home (cars were just driving round him, occaisionally beeping). I was a teen, the guy in the car was clearly old enough to be my dad (he wasnt) but I imagine loads of people would assume that was the case (I was in school uniform it was a nice sunny day). I took a footpath across a field to get away thankfully. But someone had called the police, they tracked me down and took details of the creep (It wasn't the first report about the guy nor the last) he'd offered a lift, I'd said no then he started spouting all sorts of absolute filth about what he'd do to me etc etc.

contactusdeletus · 22/10/2020 10:15

I'd definitely call the non-emergency number and get it checked out. As others have said, it could be a neglected child left home alone, or a victim of domestic abuse locked up as "punishment". It's also possible it could be a victim of sex trafficking. Many of them speak of being locked in a room for months at a time, with only the pimp or madam having access to the key. You'd be surprised how often this sort of thing is going on in what you would think of as perfectly ordinary houses.

That said, the state of the house itself might be a clue. If there are curtains drawn in the middle of the day, bins not put out, or any other indications that no-one is home (or whoever is home is unable to tend to basic tasks) it might help guide you.

Another possibility is that someone who lives alone is having a health crisis. A lot of elderly people still use landlines. If it's an upstairs window this could be a person unable to make it down the stairs.

There are a lot of potential reasons for this. Better safe than sorry, I think. I'd feel better myself if I got the police to have a look.

anuffername · 22/10/2020 11:47

I'd definitely call the non-emergency number and get it checked out.

Good job the OP did that yesterday then.

TwoLegsBadFourLegsGreedy · 22/10/2020 12:03

Oh, and actually, I've been on the other end of this recently! It only just occurred to me...

My neighbour mistook something I did for something else and called the police! They came, checked on my son, saw that all was fine and left.

I don't hold it against the neighbors. I'm grateful for the fact that someone is looking out for children! If someone had reported hearing arguing, and bangs and crashes, when I was still with my exh, maybe we would have gotten out sooner.

Idk what the point of this reply is tbh- maybe to reassure people that its not a waste of time to report something "just in case".

Janegrey333 · 22/10/2020 12:04

If in any doubt, call the police. I would rather do that every time than gave it on my conscience that I had concerns but did nothing. Glad you did that, OP.

Janegrey333 · 22/10/2020 12:05

have it

Janegrey333 · 22/10/2020 12:07

I saw this recently on tv. Think it’s a fantastic idea.

Janegrey333 · 22/10/2020 12:09

“What is the hand signal for help?”
“
The signal is performed by holding your hand up with your thumb tucked into your palm, then folding your fingers down, symbolically trapping your thumb in your fingers. It was intentionally designed as a single continuous hand movement, rather than a sign held in one position, that could be made easily visible.”