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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that children don't keep you young?

57 replies

hedgehogcake · 21/10/2020 10:43

Its something I see written or hear being said that having children helps keep you young, teenages in your 40's and 50's keeps you youthful but in my experiance my teens make me feel ancient. I was wearing my granny boot slippers (very toasty) and big cosy dressing gown as I shuffled into the kitchen this morning half asleep for my coffee and DS 14 said "oh look hagrids up" Which made DD16 laugh. I the caught my reflection in the fridge door and could see what they meant! Yes it was funny but sometimes I feel so ancient when I see myself though their eyes. Sure I could make an effort before leaving the bedroom each moring but why should I in my own home? I suppose everyone my age (44) looks a little rough. My childfree friends probably look crap at times but they can do it in private and when at large they look as svelte and cool as they did at 25! They also don't spend their life slaving after three kids so have more time and money to spend on themselves, attend concerts, galleries and eat out at new resturants (ok perhaps not right now but generally).

I love my kids and am happy with the choices I made but the idea that they keep you young is a total myth in my opinion!

OP posts:
PumpkinetChocolat · 21/10/2020 10:54

I disagree

they do make you TIRED, god, kids are exhausting. Grin

But they also keep you on your toes! They force you to make effort, to stay dynamic, open minded, to have an other view of the world and not become stuck in your old habits and routines.
You can't chose to spend the entire weekend slobbing in front of the TV with kids, and when they are teenagers, they are old enough to travel to more interesting places (as in not only "child friendly").

20 year old wear granny boots sleepers you know!

I also think there's a balance, I do cringe when some parents try so hard to stay "young" and become friends, insisting on going clubbing etc.. You don't age because you are a parent, but you do look like a twat when you try to pretend you are the twin of your 16 year old.

AuldFox · 21/10/2020 10:56

My child free friends all look younger, well rested and less stressed than me. I suppose that might just be a coincidence....

devildeepbluesea · 21/10/2020 11:00

I voted YABU because DD has enabled me to go to funfairs, play on the beach, do treasure hunts and all sorts of fun stuff which I haven't been able to do for years, and didn't realise how much fun it all still was.

My age makes me old, DD doesn't need to!

Ylfa · 21/10/2020 11:03

Mine gave me a lot of grey hair

Original poster
hedgehogcake · 21/10/2020 11:03

@AuldFox I think its really a lie we tell ourselves to make us feel better about how much life they suck from us and no amount of funfairs and treasure hunts can make up for that!

OP posts:
goldenharvest · 21/10/2020 11:05

I love taking ds2 to the beach and running in and out of the waves. I'd feel stupid doing it without him. Swimming in the kiddy pool is fun. Lane swimming is just dire . Yes, kids keep you young and playful.

flaviaritt · 21/10/2020 11:06

It’s not very polite, is it?

TikTakTikTak · 21/10/2020 11:06

Definitely don't make yourself up before you leave the bedroom, you want your girls to see that it's normal to not look polished all the time.

They might not keep you young but being young is bloody hard work, I'm happy to be a crone.

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/10/2020 11:10

They keep you in touch with a younger world. Not so much when their young, but once they get to teenagerhood, they carve out their own lives and keep you in touch with things that you might otherwise have dismissed as irrelevant. It forces you to keep in touch with the concerns of a different generation.

justanotherneighinparadise · 21/10/2020 11:11

That made me LOL 🤭

I think kids keep you connected. You get to know what the current trends are and the fashion/lingo. I wouldn’t say rhey keep you young as most of the evidence suggests having children ages us. I do have the benefit of being your age and having primary school kids. By the time their teens I’ll be 50 odd and agreeing with them.

justanotherneighinparadise · 21/10/2020 11:11

*they’re

PumpkinetChocolat · 21/10/2020 11:15

@AuldFox

My child free friends all look younger, well rested and less stressed than me. I suppose that might just be a coincidence....
it's normal if you are at the baby stage. Lack of sleep is a killer.

Once you pass that and can start sleeping again, things go back to normal. It helps when you find time to exercise, but if you have teens in the house, you have your free time back anyway.

It's up to you what you wear at home. I hate dressing gowns personally, and it takes me just as much time to put on a top and to look semi-decent.

I genuinely believe kids keep most people young, or it should. It takes you out of your comfort zone and help you question yourself. Physically, there's even more of an incentive to stay fit and look your best - even if because you appreciate your free time more and do something with it.
Teens have endless energy, you have to be fit to keep up!

Horehound · 21/10/2020 11:16

The hagrid comment did make me laugh. They sound fun!

But I agree. One year in and I'm so tired I wish I did this 10 years ago.

zafferana · 21/10/2020 11:16

I think you're wrong. You age whether you have kids or not, but kids keep you current and force you to be in touch with what younger people are thinking, doing and saying. If I was mid-40s without kids my life would be a lot different and I think I would also be a lot different. I know about music and TV programmes and sports and games and idioms that I'm sure I'd never have bothered with if I hadn't had kids. My child-free friends sometimes do things I envy. There are many things about having kids that are exhausting and sometimes boring and irritating, but my kids DO keep me young, in that I can't just slide into comfortable middle age, because they keep challenging me with new ideas.

notso · 21/10/2020 11:17

Little kids do I think, I had fun running with my younger two to school this morning, kicking up all the autumn leaves, as PP said about the sea it's not the kind of thing you'd do alone.
However my older two are 20 and 16 and make me feel about 100, I'm not 40 yet!

Rosebel · 21/10/2020 11:20

I don't think children keep you young. In fact when I listen to my daughter's and their friends talking I haven't got a clue what they're chatting about. When I dare to ask I get the eye roll and "your so old mum" before they take pity on me and explain whatever it is I've asked about.
They might keep you up to date on things but that doesn't make you feel young surely?

howaboutchocolate · 21/10/2020 11:22

Depends what you mean by young. I feel like my toddler makes me feel older physically because it's hard keeping up with her, I get very little sleep, and I don't have time to look after myself like I used to.

But mentally, it's great seeing the world through the eyes of a toddler and I feel like it keeps you young that way. It's much harder to be jaded or cynical when you have young children. Don't have teenagers yet so maybe it creeps in then!

TheDuchessofMalfy · 21/10/2020 11:22

I think they mean in the sense of outlook. Like a PP said, you can enjoy childish things like funfairs, and the magic of Christmas etc through their eyes.

I don’t think it was ever meant in the sense of looks! Looks are overrated anyway OP!

teaandcustardcreamsx · 21/10/2020 11:28

Hmm IMO it depends on the age of the kids! I work at a pre-school and whenever I go home I feel absolutely shattered Grin with teenagers it’s definitely different what with all the lingo and trends and that shit Hmm although I suppose teens do help you to know what that sort of thing/TikTok/VSCO girl trend things I don’t know what’s going on lately

Although oh look Hagrid’s up made me Grin

sHREDDIES19 · 21/10/2020 11:32

The first few years yes as it’s a sleep deprived haze. But once that phase passes you get to take back who you are and what you like to do other than parent bit by bit. So now mine are a little older I don’t think there’s a difference per se between me and my childless friends. If anything having kids makes you value me time even more. I stay fit and healthy have always had a fun, youthful outlook on life and that shins through, kids or no kids.

BlackRibboner · 21/10/2020 11:32

I'm not sure about the implication that those without children lose touch with current trends Hmm You don't suddenly lose the ability to use the Internet once you hit 50 and you don't have to have a teenager in the house to keep up to date with games, TV shows, music or memes. The younger generation are all over social media and their views can be very much heard by anyone who wants to listen!

And I'm sure there are plenty of parents who don't give a damn what their children are interested in or what the latest thing was. They wouldn't keep up to date with or without children.

EmeraldShamrock · 21/10/2020 11:35

Mine do. They keep me fit too they're younger 5 & 11, they're in primary still dropped at school I make sure I wear clean clothes, hair looking half decent, bit of mascara. I tend to slob over the school holidays.

AuldFox · 21/10/2020 11:39

Haha yes blackribboner! Like you can’t keep in touch with trends without your own kids, like you’re time preserved in 1990. My teens are not the sages of all current knowledge much as they’d like to think so Grin

EmeraldShamrock · 21/10/2020 11:42

I'm not sure about the implication that those without children lose touch with current trends
Of course not.
I'd say it was the opposite.
If I was child free I'd definitely have more experience of current threads.

Lardlizard · 21/10/2020 11:45

Hedgehog cake hahah that made me laugh you know what you should congratulate yourself on having raised funny kids with a good sense of humour !
A. It was funny
B. He felt comfortable enjoyable to say it as a joke with you there

Just carrying on being your total self at home
That’s one place you should be able to shuffled about in a dressing gown with your hair not done etc Totally relaxed
Don’t start feeling liek you need to be dressed up to relax at home your doing just fine
And well done 👏👏👏

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