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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad about leaving 8 month old?

35 replies

cactusdog · 21/10/2020 09:47

I suspect I am BU.
With my first DC I had a similar predicament and asked MN half of whom promptly told me I was BU and I ended up going out for a meal with DH and leaving firstborn with Grandparents. All was fine.

This time it is DC2. Who is 8 and a half months old. He is breastfed (but not as obsessed as first child) but also takes a bottle of formula (he doesn't fully drink a bottle most times but has enough to tide him over).

Parents in law have offered to have both DC while DH and I go out for lunch. We'd be gone about 4 hours max! But I am feeling very sad about leaving little one.

I think the difference is this time is that I'd really like to go. I've been feeling quite overwhelmed with constant care of toddler and baby and would like a break.
But, I feel really guilty about leaving baby as I worry he will be upset without us. He knows IL's but not well due to lockdown. His toddler sibling will be there.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. Just finding mum guilt really hard to deal with at the moment.

What age did you leave you baby with others?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 21/10/2020 09:49

Go and enjoy your lunch. Baby might have a lovely time with grandparents. Worse case scenario he might be a little unsettled but will be fine.

MamaPip · 21/10/2020 09:55

I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old . I think my first was over 1 before I got the nerve to leave her she was a total boob monster though .

This time baby 2 is like yours and will take a bit of milk so I would take a chance and leave for lunch or dinner in a shot especially as they have their older sibling . Take the chance now Incase of any restrictions you may get in future .Unfortunately we are in Dublin so won’t be happening in my foreseeable future . It’s been a long long 9 months. .
The break will do your mental health good it’s nice to get dressed up and eat in peace as much as I love my babies .

Stillfunny · 21/10/2020 10:01

I would be an older person. Please go , enjoy. You deserve a break, your DH would like your company.
Truly your baby will be fine . He is being looked after by people who love him . They will enjoy having the children and it is good for the the kids to have other loving people in their lives.
Nothing should happen in 4 hours that the ILs can't deal with . Remember they raised your DH and you like him , dont you?😃
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Please go and relax.

MsEllany · 21/10/2020 10:12

I would have snapped up this offer in a heartbeat. At 8 months mine were at nursery four days a week - your baby will be fine, surrounded by people that love him.

You really need to let go of the mum guilt!

Keeva2017 · 21/10/2020 10:18

Your baby may be a bit unsettled at first but then they will have w blast with new people entertaining them.

I am a big believer that you have to put some time aside for you and your partner and invest in your relationship a bit after a baby. Happy parents usually equal a happy baby so think of it as a circle.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/10/2020 10:20

Go enjoy! Maybe compromise and go for 2
Hours?

ShrimpingViolet · 21/10/2020 10:22

Go and enjoy yourself OP! I was back at work when DD was 8 months and she was with grandparents one day/night a week and nursery two days. You'll be doing your DC a favour by getting them used to being with their GPs too Smile

ChakaDakotaRegina · 21/10/2020 10:23

It’s good practice. If you need to go for a hospital appointment, car mot, job interview etc it’s better if they’re ok with other people. I tried a night out at 5 months and mine went mental and cried for two hours (despite dad putting him to bed often).
Also if we go back to lockdown you will be glad you had a break!

PolarBearStrength · 21/10/2020 10:27

Go! Enjoy! It takes a village and all that...

I went back to work at 8.5 months and he was in grandad daycare three days per week. He was a total boob monster but he just adapted. I think it does them some good to be able to get used to different situations.

BendingSpoons · 21/10/2020 10:31

I was on the cautious side with leaving mine, partly due to not taking a bottle. I left them both with GPs for short periods from 6m ish. Initially 2hrs max as they couldn't go longer without a feed, about 4hrs a few months later once they were on solids. At 9m I had to go back to work, although they were with DH those days. I really think it will refresh you and be good to have uninterrupted chat with your DH.

ittakes2 · 21/10/2020 10:53

I was in hospital for 3 months before the birth of my twins. We didn’t buy anything for them as we were having a high risk pregnancy. They came a month early. When they were 5 days old I left them in hospital with my m’n’law and sister so my husband and I could buy the cots etc. They were bottle fed and they were fine! It prob helped that they had each other.

Debradoyourecall · 21/10/2020 11:02

My baby has been going to nursery three days a week since she was 8.5 months old (while I work). She is also breast fed and a bottle refuser, so they feed her formula from a beaker.

I’d snap up an offer like you have! As my inlaws and other relatives are vulnerable for various reasons I can’t even leave my baby with them while I go to the toilet and we all have to attempt social distancing with a crawling baby.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/10/2020 11:05

My sister took my LO for a walk in the first wk, I went for out for an evening after 6 wks, once we started mix feeding. A few hours is nothing, the baby really won’t care- go and relax before we’re all locked down again.

Mia1415 · 21/10/2020 11:05

Go! He'll be fine. I went back to work full time when my DS was 6 months old and left him for KIT days from 5 months and he was absolutely fine.

mamaof2girls · 21/10/2020 11:09

First is 2 next month and only left her once and that's when I was in Labour with her sister was only away from her for 8 hours and left the hospital and went straight to pick her up! Second is 5 months and never left us and couldn't even do it right now people have held her but no ones fed her or anything like that think I feel really protective off her due to everything going on as no one got to hold her till she was 9/10 weeks old! X

AwesomeSauce4 · 21/10/2020 11:19

'Mum guilt' is a label that has been forced upon us to make us feel like shit. Dad doesn't feel any guilt when he goes to work or has a pint with his friends. And he shouldn't either, it's ok to have some semblance of a normal life. The children will be fine. Take the 4 hours to have a good time, your children will be fine when you get home.

LEELULUMPKIN · 21/10/2020 11:23

I went on holiday for a week when my DS was 10 months old.

DH felt guiltier than I did.

I am clearly lacking some maternal genes!

Hellothere19999 · 21/10/2020 11:29

I just left my 9month old with my mum and sister last week to go out for dinner.... it was very strange but in the end I enjoyed it. This week she is going to her Grandma’s with her dad and I am half dreading it and half excited, I know I have to let go though because I need a break to be a better mum. I also don’t want her to be an anti social weirdo, lol being a mum is weird. 😂 Do your in laws have anything exciting they can bring? My mum brought the dog who my LO is in love with so as soon as she saw them she didn’t even notice we had gone.

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/10/2020 11:31

I'd been back in full time work quite a while by the time mine were 8 months (there wasn't much maternity leave in those days - you were desperately trying to work as close to the birth as possibly to maximise the amount you could take after the birth). He'll be fine for 4 hours, and, as PP have said, it's useful if he learns to be comfortable with other people in case you need help with a medical appointment, for example.

MsEllany · 21/10/2020 11:31

@AwesomeSauce4

'Mum guilt' is a label that has been forced upon us to make us feel like shit. Dad doesn't feel any guilt when he goes to work or has a pint with his friends. And he shouldn't either, it's ok to have some semblance of a normal life. The children will be fine. Take the 4 hours to have a good time, your children will be fine when you get home.
Absolutely agree with this 100%. I don’t feel guilt for wanting to be more than just ‘mum’. I deserve a life outside of entertaining and caring for children!
NeonGenesis · 21/10/2020 11:34

I was also very anxious about leaving my DD. First time she was 5 months old, but we went out after she went to bed. I appreciate it feels very different when you know that they will be awake and aware that you aren't there.

She was almost 1 when I left her with someone during the day. It was for a dentist appt and I was gone for 2 hours. It turned out that she was fine - it was me that struggled. I think this often the case for parents...

HoneyBee03 · 21/10/2020 11:42

Go! A lot of women are back at work around 8 months with their children in childcare. 4 hours with the grandparents is completely fine.

HoneyBee03 · 21/10/2020 11:43

I also just saw your question. I first left my baby at 3 months old with a relative for a few hours one evening. I was nervous! But it went well. He was breastfed too.

UnicornAndSparkles · 21/10/2020 11:45

Go and enjoy the break, if you want to. Don't feel guilty, babies have no sense of time and will obviously be well cared for.

I left DD with my parents to go out for a birthday dinner with DH when DD was a month old. She slept the whole 2hrs and we were less than 10 minutes drive away should there have been an emergency. I breastfed and expressed before I left and fed her when I returned and she woke around 9pm. I enjoyed the break!

Camomila · 21/10/2020 12:15

Go and enjoy your lunch Smile

I couldn't leave DS1 for longer than an hour at that age (not good at weaning), but DS2 (nearly 9m) is eating a lot better so I happily leave him for a couple of hours with DH/DM.

I'm going back to work at the beginning of December so he'll have to go the whole day without me/milk.

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