To feel bad about leaving 8 month old?

[cactusdog]

I suspect I am BU.
With my first DC I had a similar predicament and asked MN half of whom promptly told me I was BU and I ended up going out for a meal with DH and leaving firstborn with Grandparents. All was fine.

This time it is DC2. Who is 8 and a half months old. He is breastfed (but not as obsessed as first child) but also takes a bottle of formula (he doesn't fully drink a bottle most times but has enough to tide him over).

Parents in law have offered to have both DC while DH and I go out for lunch. We'd be gone about 4 hours max! But I am feeling very sad about leaving little one.

I think the difference is this time is that I'd really like to go. I've been feeling quite overwhelmed with constant care of toddler and baby and would like a break.
But, I feel really guilty about leaving baby as I worry he will be upset without us. He knows IL's but not well due to lockdown. His toddler sibling will be there.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. Just finding mum guilt really hard to deal with at the moment.

What age did you leave you baby with others?

Investing time in your marriage is very much in your child's best interests, they have no concept of time at that age, try to relax and enjoy your lunch

My DS was 3 months old at his first sleepover. Wanted to get him used to people looking after him early on (and I needed a break!).

Left mine with my mum overnight at six weeks. Got her first thing, it was weird for me but I’m not sure she even realised .
Go enjoy your lunch

FTP DH and I left DD 3 months with DM on Monday so we could go out for dinner for our wedding anniversary. Was gone for about 3.5 hours. Thoroughly enjoyed it and great recharge. Though DD is formula fed and fine with anyone feeding her, probably as she’s 6 weeks premmie and spent the first month of her life in hospital being fed by lots of different people.

Loads of things in life make me feel guilty. Eating pork when I know pigs are intelligent. Driving the car to save me some hassle when I know I could cycle. Eating half a packet of biscuits in one sitting. The list is endless.

Go out, feel guilty, come back and give the baby loads of cuddles.

Neither of you will suffer unbearably.

OP, your LO will be fine, and as everyone says, it's not a long time and will do good to have a break.

I left DD1 with my dad when she was 4 months old, mixed fed & started on solids (over 20 years ago) so DH and I could play in a concert. I was quite nervous but needn't have been. We skipped the pub session and came straight home to find DD spark out on Dad, who was also dozing in front of some boring railways documentary. Neither noticed us coming home. We should have had those drinks!

Go enjoy yourselves. By 8 months many babies are in full time childcare and cope fine (maternity leave was only 6 months when I had mine). You deserve a short amount of time to yourselves and it helps dc to have parents who get a break and spend time together

Mine were both in regular childcare at this age! Go have your break. It will help you be a better mum - that's what I think parents should always remember. We need breaks and rest - traditional cultures do not leave mums alone to look after babies, there are lots of caring adults around - we have lost sight of that in our culture.

Mine is four days and we went over it to the shop leaving him with grandad today. Only 20 min round trip but I feel a bit bad now!

Thanks so much for all the replies, it really does put things in perspective!

I have often wondered with mine if I'm too attached to them or them to me, if that makes sense? My first was SO clingy and looking back I wonder if I made him that way by always being the one to care for and comfort him.

With my second I've been more relaxed but still feel this awful pang when I think of him looking for me or being confused when I'm not there.

A big thing that's stood out from replies is babies don't have any concept of time which makes me feel better and not to feel guilty!

I know lots of babies are in childcare by 8 months but due to lockdown as well as being lucky to take a long maternity my baby hasn't really been away from me at all, not even for long with just his dad. So I just feel like I'm leaving him for the first time.

But I suppose leaving them for the first time will always be emotional and I'm leaving him with grandparents and as others have said I agree that it's so important for him to feel comfortable being left and looked after by someone else.