Leave the cat or take her with me?

[CutToChase]

I have a rescue cat I love to pieces. She is very attached to me - much more so than my DP, although she doesnt mind him and will go to him for strokes when I'm travelling:)

We live in the countryside where she spends every day all day gallivanting around the fields, hunting stuff climbing trees, etc. She is also friends with the neighbours cat.

Next summer I will be starting a job at the opposite end of the country. I have two options re the cat .

1. Take her with me. I will be moving to a city, and obviously if I take her i will get a garden flat. It'll still be a smaller space with a much smaller roaming radius though but at least we'll be together.
2. Leave her in the countryside with my partner. I will be going up once a month so I will still see her, and she can keep her habits and space and natural environment. However we will see each other much less

I want to do what my cat would like best, but obviously I cant ask her! If this were a dog I would be taking her no question. But a cat....I know they get attached to us but would keeping her country life be more important to her than keeping me? 🤔

Vote:
YABU = Leave cat in country
YANBU = Take cat to city

Cats are more attached to their homes and territory than they are to people. I know that's hard to hear, and I have three cats myself, but that's the way they work.

Definitely leave her. Cats don't tend to have separation anxiety. Only met one that kind of has it, but he doesn't pine when I'm away, hes just extra needy when I get back home. She will be unhappy in the city.

OP I am a cat-lover too and would desperately miss my fluff-ball - but please leave her. Cats are very easily stressed, and an upheaval like that will stress her enormously. You'll have to keep her inside, train her etc if you take her - it's not worth it. She'll be happy where she is. Maybe you could Facetime her while you're away.

She will miss you but she will be happier in her normal environment in the long term.
However , one of my cats is my baby and he only really wants me and will yowl round the house till he finds me , he also does this if I’m out and other family members are home so I’d be heartbroken to leave him .

I'm torn because, reading between the lines, it sounds like your partner isn't that fussed about her, will be out of the house a lot of the time and may well pretty much leave her to fend for herself?

I don't think you've said how old she is, that would affect my decision as would how permanent the new job and relocation is.

Going against the others here but I would take her and see how she settles. If she is happy she can stay and if she isn’t, she can return to her previous home with you visiting.

Is the job permanent? I had to leave my beloved cat for months at a time – he never forgot who I was and could recognise the sound of my car arriving home! If you trust your partner with the cat then it's an opportunity for them to bond, and she'll be happier in familiar surroundings. Just make sure your partner is well briefed on how much love and affection to shower upon her!

@Carlislemumof4
Yes, that's it. Of course hes a decent person, but hes also not a cat person. He would definitely pet her when she came looking for it and stop and stroke her if he passed her in the kitchen, but he wont go out of his way to fuss over her I dont think, and many nights he gets back at 11pm. As I said I would also worry that he wouldnt be particularly switched on to subtle changes in behaviour. It's because of that I think I'm hesitating really. I'm going to look at what kind of thing I could get in the suburbs.

Head says leave her where she is; heart says something else! When I used to go away, my boy Leo (RIP) invariably got bladder infections and the vet thought it might be stress at my absence...

She is adorable OP.

Some cats don’t take well to moving, leave her were she is.

Oh this is hard but I would leave her where she is. I once split from a partner and had to leave the cat (and it was very much mine) but had to do what was best for her. At least you’ll still see her.

You've got to ask yourself how streetwise the cat is. I've had two rescues- one a gorgeous tabby, lovely and friendly, who (because she was gorgeous and friendly) attracted attention from a man across the road. He loved to give her a fuss and some food (I didn't realise this at the time). He called her across the road one day and she was sent flying by a car and died on impact. This was in the suburbs.

My new cat is an ex street cat, totally black. No one bothers her and she knows to look before crossing the street. The suburbs are more dangerous for cats than the country is, so bear that in mind.

I would try leaving her and see how she goes. Is she really does pine and not get over it you can always take her then, but most cats will adapt and be ok.

@StuckInTheMiddleWithTwo

Well, she never lost her rescue cat paranoia although she is now 100% relaxed with me. She is extremely on her guard and discreet. As an example the neighbours cat is always hanging around my house- but the neighbours have never seen her in two years despite us both backing onto the same field. She has kept a natural fear of humans and sounds which I think is good. She was born on a building site and grew up in a feral colony there

@viques

what if she misses me

Years ago we rented rooms in a basement, the upstairs landlords had a lovely cat, a big London black and white bruiser, king of the heap. He used to ignore us completely.

Unless his owners went away.

Then he instantly turned into the heaviest most demanding lap cat you can imagine, used to follow me into the bathroom, insist on sleeping in our bed etc. You would think he had been our cat since kitten hood, loving, purring, head butting, all the signs of real affection. Until his mummy and daddy came home, when he would leave us without even a backward glance.

Cats know where their bread is buttered, and know who is doing the buttering. As long as they are in familiar territory and being fed they don’t mind whose hand opens the pouches.

I have to disagree there. My boy cat expects my dh to feed him. If my dh is in the bath when its feed time my my cat will sit by the door waiting for him to appear. when he does he meows at him. My girl cat on the other hand doesn't mind as long as she gets it

I've got 2 cats, one of which is very attached to me. I went on holiday for a week and my Mum popped in to feed them. By the end of the week she was staying for over an hour as my attached cat got attached to her!
My DP wasn't a 'cat person' but even he can't resist/ignore my attached cat.

Don't take the cat with you. We had to leave behind our cat when we moved to the US because we knew that we'd be in a city apartment and keeping him inside would be cruel when he was used to being out and about. Sad as it was for us, it was what was best for him and I dont regret it. He had 2 more happy years with a family who loved him deeply. If you are going back to your main home on a regular basis, why can't you can keep an eye on the cat and check in?

Urgh. Slight complication. I asked DP for an in depth assessment of what she is like with him when I'm not there for stretches.

Apparently she does not come to him to be stroked, and she doesnt sleep on the bed with him, the way she does with me. She has always kept that slight wariness of anyone other than me since being a rescue. This is after having lived with him for 3 years and me being away for up to 2 weeks at a time fairly regularly. So basically if I left her with him then yes, she would be out in the fields etc. But she wouldnt necessarily be feeling relaxed and she wouldnt necessarily be getting that human warmth that she has now...

So I'm still torn. Tbh it would make my life much easier to leave her because I could just get a room in a houseshare and leave all my stuff behind rather than having to get a proper flat. But I still dont know if I'm comfortable leaving her if I'm only going to be coming up for a few nights a month. The jury's still out!

She will adjust to the changes. Leave her in familiar surroundings

For cats, territory trumps all. I know you're looking for reasons to take her because it'd be nicer for you to have her there, and I totally get that, but if that's the decision you make, you do need to own that you're doing it for yourself, not for her.

I promise you I am absolutely not looking for reasons to take her. My life would be 100% simpler if I could leave her as I could just rent somewhere a bit fly by night instead of having to haul my life down there.

I just dont want her to end up lonely in a house where she isnt getting much affection because she is wary of my DP. If however you think that with time my absence means she will be forced into transferring it all to him, then I'm happy with that.

Actually I think what I'm going to do is just rent a room for 3 or 4 months while I get my bearings anyway, and check back in with DP to see how she gets on. If she warms to him properly i will leave her, if she doesnt i will get my own place in the suburbs with a garden and bring her down.

I think your update changes things abit .
I know my cat would pick me over being able to go wandering but then he doesn’t go out for very long .
I’d probably take her

I'd say take her. My H had a cat that was attached to him and we left her there when we moved in together ( flat rather than a house and we were out all day whereas his parents were retired). She was so lost without him and even regular visits didn't really help. If she attached to you I'd take her.

I would leave her unless you can get a place with a garden and away from busy roads.

I’ve got a country cat who spends all her time in the garden and fields and only really come indoors in the winter. She is friendly but just an outdoor cat. She was a farm kitten so literally born in a barn!

I don’t think I’d take her to live in a city, I don’t think she’d cope with that life and having to sort out a new territory etc. She’s 10 now too so set in her routines.

"For cats, territory trumps all."

IMO, that depends on the cat. We leave our cats in our house, when we go on holiday, and ask DD to come in twice a day to look after them. My cat gets diarrahoea, with the stress of us going away - even though DD has lived in our house for most of DCat's life.

I would not dream of leaving my cats with a person, they are not particularly attached to. I would always take them with me; just like we will never buy a house on a main road, even if it were the best house in the world, because of the risk to the lives of DCats!