Leave the cat or take her with me?

[CutToChase]

I have a rescue cat I love to pieces. She is very attached to me - much more so than my DP, although she doesnt mind him and will go to him for strokes when I'm travelling:)

We live in the countryside where she spends every day all day gallivanting around the fields, hunting stuff climbing trees, etc. She is also friends with the neighbours cat.

Next summer I will be starting a job at the opposite end of the country. I have two options re the cat .

1. Take her with me. I will be moving to a city, and obviously if I take her i will get a garden flat. It'll still be a smaller space with a much smaller roaming radius though but at least we'll be together.
2. Leave her in the countryside with my partner. I will be going up once a month so I will still see her, and she can keep her habits and space and natural environment. However we will see each other much less

I want to do what my cat would like best, but obviously I cant ask her! If this were a dog I would be taking her no question. But a cat....I know they get attached to us but would keeping her country life be more important to her than keeping me? 🤔

Vote:
YABU = Leave cat in country
YANBU = Take cat to city

Cats bond to territory more than people. Leave her there

I left my cat to go to university, and she did occasionally get brought for holiday cottage visits to me and to my first flat when my parents went on holiday.

She was always ecstatic to see me, but I couldn't have taken her from her country life. She was always excited to hear me on the phone too.

Leave her where she is.

We leave our ragdolls cats for weeks on end with a house sitter if we go overseas. They are completely fine. One of our cats loves the outdoors - he really wouldn’t cope being moved to a smaller garden.

Definitely leave her where she is. Cats do become attached to people, but in terms of her emotional well-being it would be much more disruptive to move her to a new home and a big change to her lifestyle. The upheaval of that would be much worse than the upheaval of you being away.

Cats are territorial creatures of habit. That’s what they really need protected to feel safe.

Definitely agree that cats generally prioritise their territory over their humans. Her existing territory sounds like a cats paradise. If you were moving to somewhere it would be similar it would be different though.

Pets,especially dogs and cars,love routine.it makes them feel secure.safe,happy.
Leave her where she is and see her when you can.
You can tune into your animals and ask them a question and get an answer if you choose to.
At the very least explain to her what's happening.
In time she will look to your partner for a closer friendship than she has now,but will always be happy to as you.

I also think you should leave her where she is. The stress of such a drastic change in environment would be huge. Our cat used to belong to our neighbour - we used to feed him when she went on holiday, he came in to the house regularly, so we became quite attached. She moved away a few years ago and asked us if we'd have him as she didn't want to upset his settled life. He's happy and settled with us, but still gets excited when she hears her voice when she pops in occasionally!

Not an easy choice but I would leave the cat, who will be loved and receiving care.

I know of someone who moved and had no choice, and the cat was not used to the area and was killed on a road.

[quote CutToChase]@Backtoreality1
But what if she misses me? Or do cats not get the same separation anxiety as dogs?[/quote]
This really made me laugh. Sorry OP I know you love your cat, I love my cats too but I’m under no illusions. They love me because they like a warm house, cuddles, and food at regular intervals!

We moved to the countryside a few years ago and our cats absolutely love it. Lots of mice and voles to hunt, a large territory- no more neighbourhood cats encroaching and upsetting them. Be kind to the cat and leave her behind.

I'd leave her where she is...and get myself a city kitty too. Double the love.

what if she misses me

Years ago we rented rooms in a basement, the upstairs landlords had a lovely cat, a big London black and white bruiser, king of the heap. He used to ignore us completely.

Unless his owners went away.

Then he instantly turned into the heaviest most demanding lap cat you can imagine, used to follow me into the bathroom, insist on sleeping in our bed etc. You would think he had been our cat since kitten hood, loving, purring, head butting, all the signs of real affection. Until his mummy and daddy came home, when he would leave us without even a backward glance.

Cats know where their bread is buttered, and know who is doing the buttering. As long as they are in familiar territory and being fed they don’t mind whose hand opens the pouches.

Cat are solitary, territorial animals, so she would probably chose her territory over you. Sorry! On the other hand, she will quickly adapt to a new territory so it wouldn't be too terrible for her to move with you.

I think it depends on your future plans with your DP and whether you live together now. If she would be moving to a different home in the country, that will be as disruptive as moving to the city for her. If you live together now and are planning that in future you will be living together again, I would leave DCat with your DP for now. If this move is permanent, long term and there are no plans for your DP to relocate to be with you, I would take the cat.

I agree with everyone else, leave her in the home she's used to.

Also, since you're going back once a month, you can re-evaluate in the future. If she's happy as things are, fine, but if it seems that she's been pining for you, you can have a re-think.

Before my parents current cat, I'd say leave her, she'll be fine. However... I now think it depends on your cat, her backstory and whether you think she is actually bonded to you or to the place.

My parents now have a needy puss on her 3rd home (private rescue). That cat clings to my mother. She derives her security from my mother and cries incessantly if my mother goes on hols and leaves her with my dad. She doesn't even like it when mum goes on days out. Even though she's well looked after and eventually starts snuggling up to dad, she deliberately sprays in the house until mum gets home. She copes better in kennels- as long as they collect her after mum is back.

Ours is a bengal though- she's needy anyway and they are a breed that like their "people".

Ours is a bengal though- she's needy anyway and they are a breed that like their "people"

The only cats I have ever had that have bonded to humans were Bengals. They aren't a domestic cat breed though, they are a hybrid between different 2 species, so it is not surprising that they behave differently from domestic cats.

I would say leave her.

Cats do move house pretty well, I had one cat who came with me through about 6 moves, and was fine.
But country, when she is really roaming the fields, to city flat, that is a disaster waiting to happen.
She will not be road savvy and will get hurt on the road/jumping garden fences pretty quickly.

She will miss you, cats do get attached to people, but she will also adapt better to losing you than to moving.

Just be prepared for some serious love when you reappear!

@orangenasturtium lots of breeds bond strongly with their chosen human. My oriental has made herself so poorly with separation anxiety since my son (her person) had to go back to work.

She's tore her hair out until she bleeds.
Howled for weeks.
Licked everyone until their skin is sore and now she has stopped eating and drinking. It's pitiful and no amount of Feliway helps her.

The vet is giving her until 6.30 tonight to eat and drink or she is going in on a drip and being sedated.
I doubt she'd care where she lived as long as she had her human.

Awww I went back to work Monday for a full day - first day away since lock down- and my special boy apparently sat in the window all day watching for me. As I pulled on the drive he started pawing the window and wowling. Cats are amazing

My mum always said....... dogs love people, cats love places.

Leave her be, OP. She has so much freedom where she is now and she will still see you at weekends. I know how you feel though, I would be heartbroken to leave my cat behind.

Leave her in her environment. The chance of getting lost or run over are much higher if you move her. She'll be fine.

She can probably manage without you but can you say the same?!

Leave her, OP. I'm sure she'll be fine. Think about how you'd feel if you moved with her and she went missing or got run over?

I'm agreeing with the vast majority, leave her in the country. And this is from someone who also has a rescue cat who is my shadow.

If you think about it logically (not easy I know)

• you'll have to stick her in a cat box for a long journey, she won't be able to stretch her legs like a dog would.
• She'd have to stay indoors for a couple of weeks so you don't lose her on her first time out.
• You'll have to find a new vet and a cat sitter. None of which is easy during lockdowns and general covid times.
• She'll be in unfamiliar surrounds with more noise and more dangers that she's probably not used to - more cars etc.,
• when you go home for the weekend, you'll have to leave her with someone you don't know very well. With your DP you can be sure she's safe and sound and she knows him (even if she's not quite so attached at the moment).

It's a great chance for her to get to know your DP. My DH has worked away from home for a long time and so our cat never really got to know him well (and she was very hesitant around men - could be a rescue thing). As he's been WFH these past 8 months and gets up earlier than me, she's learned to trust him. She'll now sit by his side every morning after he's fed her. It's lovely to see. She'll still enjoy your company and, if the job finishes, you won't have to pack her all up again to move back home.

No guarantee you'll find a groundfloor flat with garden or a LL who allows pets and a cat flap. Then she'd have to face weekends alone or a long trip with you on visits home.

I'd leave her where she's settled and very happy. You'll be thrilled to meet up on your trips home.