Nursery behaviour management

[Tyrionsbitch]

Wanting to canvass some opinions before I speak to nursery about this as I am really not sure whether IABU.

My DC is nearly 2 and at nursery full time. I have always been told they are a very well behaved, laid back and polite child and have never had any issues with them until now. (Different story at home and they can have tantrums etc like any normal toddler)

Every day for the last 2 weeks I am getting told that they are getting put on time out for not sharing toys. I am getting a bit frustrated for several reasons and want some other perspectives (not sure if i am being PFB)

To give some perspective, DC is quite verbal for their age but I would say understanding is normal. I worry that because of this people forget how young they are.

1. Is time out an effective behaviour management strategy at this age? I'm not sure they will really have any understanding of what is happening and I can't bear the thought of them being punished and upset without understanding why.

1. Reading up on it, not sharing is a developmental thing at around 2, should they be using it as a teaching rather than a punishment point? I'm worried that DC will not actually learn how to share but just develop negative thoughts around others playing with toys that they want if they just get told off and put on time out.

1. I am a teacher, and if I had a child in my class that was on time out every day then I would be concerned and thinking about a behaviour plan, however when I asked nursery last time they said that no, they were generally very well behaved and that this behaviour was normal.

So, what do I do? I am upset that DC is on time out every day, despite being told they are well behaved. I don't want to undermine nursery's behaviour management strategies/be a difficult parent/stop them from telling me when DC have been in trouble. And I do want my child to be pulled up on negative behaviour/taught how to share etc. I'm just not convinced that this is the most effective way.

Sorry, that was long:
Yabu - its fine and an effective strategy at this age
Yanbu- it seems excessive, speak to nursery

I'd move her. What they are doing isn't developmentally appropriate and very lazy.

If she's grabbing toys off other kids (normal at two) I'd expect her to be removed from the situation and redirected elsewhere, with a brief explanation 'we don't snatch'. If she's just playing and another child wants to use the same toy she shouldn't be made to share in the first place and certainly not punished for not doing so. If I was busy using equipment at the gym I wouldn't expect to be forced to 'share' it with another gym user. At two lots of children aren't developmentally ready to share meaningfully anyway and when they do get there they share because they're both engaged in a game together not because they've been forced.

@Tyrionsbitch

Thank you everybody for your responses so far, they generally reflect how I feel. I am more than happy for her to be (want her to be) taught how to share/it be modelled to her/ support to be provided for her to learn how to share etc but I agree that she shouldn't be punished for age appropriate behaviours.

We are obviously focusing on sharing and turn taking at home but with no other children at home these issues will naturally arise more often at nursery.

I will speak to them about it I think. For some reason I feel nervous about it, I don't want to come across as difficult (but then, its my child - who else will stick up for her!)

The nerves are understandable, but this really is crucial: the early development of character traits that may have a lifelong impact. If she’s being taught ‘sharing’ in a forceful and punishment-centred way, you should request that that changes or you move her elsewhere.

you sound immature.

Nasty thing to say.

Not sharing is very normal at 2 years old. Have to teach turns each gently. Nothing to punish imo. Unless they are aggressively not sharing (lashing out and other toddler's who have want they want). Its a difficult one because if you have a really fun toy its reasonable to want to keep playing with it so I kinda see his point in not wanting to share. If I was in the nursery working it would be a non event (expected). A 2 mins each strategy and distract the one who hasn't got it with attention and alternative toys. No need for time out imo. Good luck.

No learning goes on by repeatedly putting a child in time out. To me this is lazy, there is no teaching going on, and it isn't appropriate for a 2 year old. It just makes children think they are naughty and lowers self esteem to be in time out every day.

Wouldn't be happy with it.

The nursery is ridiculous. Children that age do not understand the concept of sharing.