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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not offer DH my appointment?

77 replies

Interfluvials · 20/10/2020 20:40

About 6 weeks ago I had a doctors appointment where I discussed the flu jab and asked advice on availability and if the doctor also thought there would be supply issues. She said yes and told me to book an appointment to have it done so they would have me on their list (as they wouldn't be doing an open door policy this year). My appointment is next week.

DH has been saying for weeks he will get one, called his doctor today, they haven't received theirs yet, call back at the end of the week. Read in paper today that there is indeed a supply problem and they are asking people not to get it if they can avoid it. He doesn't think they will give him one.

DH works, I'm a SAHM. We have no one who can help out if I get ill, i.e. I just have to get on with it. It's bad enough with a 24 hour bug, there's no way I could manage if I really had the flu. Especially if the DC get it too. He hasn't outright said it, but I think he's a bit annoyed I haven't said he can take my appointment (assuming my doctor gets a delivery). I keep switching between "don't be crazy, you'd never manage to look after the Dc" to "don't be selfish, you don't want him ill" to "but neither do I want to be ill" to "he earns the money" to "well, he would get sick pay and I've no one to help with the DC"!

AIBU to not even suggest I ask if he can have my appointment?

OP posts:
babygroups · 20/10/2020 20:54

I don't know how you could even give him your appointment, it doesn't work like that surely?

Nottherealslimshady · 20/10/2020 20:55
  1. He should have sorted it ages ago.
  2. Sounds like you're at different surgeries, the doctor wont just let you give your appointment to someone not registered. Tell him to ring local pharmacies if they're doing them.
Nottherealslimshady · 20/10/2020 20:57

Also. Its worrying youd even to give up your doctors appointment for him. Does he often expect you to give him what he wants or do you feel obliged to because he works?

Ohtherewearethen · 20/10/2020 20:57

What on earth...? You can't just give your appointment to your husband so why are you even thinking this? It sounds like you've been conditioned to believe you are at the absolute bottom of everyone's list of priorities. If you get flu, your husband takes time off work to look after his wife and children. He's a big boy so he can book his own fucking flu jab. It sounds like you are the family dogsbody. Value your worth a little bit more.

Halliehallie9828 · 20/10/2020 20:59

If you were ill why wouldn’t he take parental leave and look after his own kids Confused

ohfourfoxache · 20/10/2020 20:59

Firstly we’re at the beginning of flu season, so he should have time to get it

Secondly, if he’s that bloody desperate, get him to contact local chemists - it’s not just GPs doing them

QueenofLean · 20/10/2020 21:06

You can’t swap appointments. If you give up your slot, the surgery decides who to offer it to, not you.

mumwon · 20/10/2020 21:07

they will check the name of the person who comes in to match their records - they might notice if a male come in instead! Daft bat

greenlynx · 20/10/2020 21:08

I can’t understand what you are talking about. It doesn’t work like this at all. You are entitled to a free flu jab and have appointment for this. Your DH thinks that he might be entitled for free flu jab - he needs to contact surgery and ask them if he’s right and then they will give him appointment. If he’s not entitled to a FREE flu jab but really want one he can pay for it ( Asda, Superdrug, etc)

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 20/10/2020 21:09

If he's that bothered, tell him to get a private one at the local pharmacy. Keep yours.

BlueJava · 20/10/2020 21:10

Keep your appointment. If he wanted one why didn't he sort it out when they were first available?

Original poster
Interfluvials · 20/10/2020 21:11

Chemists aren't doing them unless you're at risk at the moment. (We're not in the Uk). Usually you can have flu jabs at any surgery as you have to pay for them when you have them, you don't have to be registered there. He's currently working from home aargh! for the foreseeable, he has to go in once a fortnight. I go out more than he does with Dc and shopping. It will be the kids who are most likely to bring it home. As usual! No, he won't take time off if I am ill.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 20/10/2020 21:15

Surely its irrelevant OP. He can't just take someone elses named appointment anyway. They won't give him it. Just have it and tell him to call some pharmacies and book one.

It isn't as though the flu jab is going to literally stop anyone getting ill generally over the winter, it isn't a magic shot nor does it vaccinate against all strains of anything. I would be sensible and get it if you can but wouldn't bother making it about other things or applying all this extra meaning to it. If you're u happy with the behaviour of your DH and the dynamic you have, that is a separate issue you need to address. He isn't more important than you, you aren't his mother, he is not your dependent.

FemaleAndLearning · 20/10/2020 21:15

You are not his mother. Dont even let that suggestion come out of your mouth! You are the glue for your family you cannot afford to be I'll. You are not being selfish you are being logically and prepared.

combatbarbie · 20/10/2020 21:18

Would have been easier to say your not in UK in your OP.

It's quite simple, it's your appt. It's not your fault he can't square his own admin away.

SimplySteveRedux · 20/10/2020 21:18

Why can’t he have a flu jab at a pharmacy? My wait for GP was mid November. I had it done end September at the local pharmacy.

And YANBU.

Knittedfairies · 20/10/2020 21:19

You can't just give him your appointment. If you cancel, the appointment would surely go to someone on the waiting list.

StatementKnickers · 20/10/2020 21:20

YANBU but I walked into Superdrug at the weekend and got one with only a 20-minute wait. If he really wants one he'll find one.

Jaxhog · 20/10/2020 21:20

I very much doubt they'd allow you to do this.

Al1langdownthecleghole · 20/10/2020 21:22

Are either of you in the groups who are being offered flu jabs?

If you have an appropriate medical reason, your surgery will offer you a flu jab, if not as PP said, you can make an appt a pharmacy and pay for it.

What you can’t do is take someone else’s allocated vaccine.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 20/10/2020 21:26

Why should you give yours up when he has been dragging his feet organising his own. Sod him, you keep it.

Ohtherewearethen · 20/10/2020 21:27

So if you get flu and are therefore too ill to look after the children or even yourself (proper flu isn't just a heavy cold, it can knock you for six for a month or more), he would go off to work and leave his children with no one to look after them and you desperately ill in bed? That would be a deal-breaker for me. No way would I want to be in a partnership with a despicable arsehole like that. He's a shit dad and a shit husband.

JingsMahBucket · 20/10/2020 21:28

@MonkeySnake

I'd give it to him because if he's the one going out then he's the one that will catch it and give it to you. By immunising him, you're immunising the rest of the family to a greater extent.
@MonkeySnake expect better for yourself instead of giving men everything and only taking the crumbs for yourself.

@Interfluvials keep the appointment for yourself and sort out a care plan in case one of you gets ill. That includes him taking care of his children when you're ill.

LittleMissLockdown · 20/10/2020 21:30

Are you actually in a risk group required to get the flu jab?

If you honestly think he wouldn't take leave to look after his own children and you if you got the flu you have much bigger issues than who should have the jab.

LoadsOfTrouble · 20/10/2020 21:33

I too think you can just keep your appointment to yourself. And I want to add a little thing: yes, he earns the money, but that also means that he has the rights that come with employment, s.a. sick days. SAHMs work their assess of w/out pay or benefit and risk being looked down upon by people who think work that isn't paid isn't to be taken seriously.

That is to say, him having a paid job does not make him higher priority for a vaccine. He has enough privileges as it is.

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