DD using my work space...

[Beetie1]

... when hers looks like this?

DD is 13 and has a desk in her room but it is just covered in crap and is never used as a desk. It's more of a glorified shelf. She will however then insist on using the desk in my room! The fact she has her own desk has been explained to her but I still get pouted and huffed at when I tell her she can't use the room (not all the time but I'm not being kicked out of my own bedroom).

So WIBU to bag up the stuff that's on her desk and remove her desk entirely? I think I'd hide it in the shed temporarily to make a point. I could be verging on the petty but it's really getting under my skin. The rest of her room is ok(ish) it's just her desk that is left in this state.

Could you swipe everything off it into a bin bag every morning? And make sure she's got somewhere to put the things that live on it at the mo.

My dd had a similar idea shes 11. I just said no. If she needs a workspace then she clears the perfectly good one she has - I'm happy to oblige with a bin bag if that helps. She's got used to the idea. I've already had to clear out my office and make space for dh this year I can't cope with her in there too! (I've wfh for years and office is a single room!)

I’d buy buy her one of those big plastic tubs (we got a nice one from Ikea recently, but you can get them from B&Q). She can tip all her crap in there when she wants to use the desk and sort it out at her own convenience.

Does she have a proper place to keep all that stuff? If so then YANBU but if not I would see about getting her better storage solutions first and see if that helps her keep it tidier.

Everything in a bin bag, if she wants to keep any of it she can sort it out. Warn her it’ll be cleared every time it’s cluttered. Messy pest.

Oh we nearly had this war in our house. DH couldn't stand having the bedroom intruded on. I suggest thinking about whether she prefers to use her room - and help her with the first tidy - or the kitchen table. Provide a big nice box to keep her things in tidy and take to and from the dining table.

Put a laundry basket or cardboard box beside the table and put everything into it, then tell her to use her own table. Every time you give in to her, you’re excusing her laziness.

Dd's desk looks like that too, she does her work on the floor, same as our boys did. I did tell Dh not to put a desk in her room for her as this would happen. I want to throw it out, it's a dumping ground. All her stuff has a home it doesn't need to be on display.

She has plenty of storage space - floor to ceding shelving in one alcove and a massive Pax wardrobe in the other which has a pull out shelf for all her bits and bobs. She's just awful at putting things away properly and instead just dumps things.

It doesn't help that she hasn't yet done 'the great teenager dump' of all the younger kid stuff so she still has.

She could pout and huff all she liked but my bedroom would be out of bounds. If she needs room to work, she has two options: clear up her own mess or lie on the floor.

Half term coming up/already happening... Time for a big clear up!!

This could actually be my 13 DD's desk. She is now using a desk in another room which is slowly starting to resemble the first. I'm going for the bin bag idea over half term

Can you help her tidy it? Maybe she’s a bit daunted by it.

Has she got enough storage op? That desk looks like she could do with a load of little boxes or bins on a shelf somewhere. If she has and mess has just exploded elsewhere then fair enough!

13 is plenty old enough to be responsible for tidying her room and desk. She either does it or she can work on the floor. I would stop allowing her to use your desk. You are entitled to your own personal space.

I have some spare storage boxes that I will dig out. I will go ahead and swipe it alll off. It's one of those things that I keep threatening to do but never actually do. But my nagging obviously isn't working.

Giant x post!!

Half that stuff looks like it could go in the bin permanently OP!

I’d just say no to her using my space. She has her own and just needs to tidy it.

@earthtopluto

Half that stuff looks like it could go in the bin permanently OP!

I agree. I don't think most of it has been moved in months.

Why not work with her for a few hours and get everything tidy so she enjoys her space and likes it - maybe add some pretty storage and fairy lights? Seems petty to swipe it off and it will only cause an argument not resolved anything

I'm going to disagree with the op clearing her daughters desk. This will only postpone the problem until the desk fills up again. Most of us learn from consequences. What will motivate her to take control of the mess herself is for you to refuse her access to your room. If she has no alternative desk she will have to clear her own. Yes she'll probably throw a wobbly. Teenagers do when thwarted.

Put some music on and clear and tidy it together.
Find out if theres any storage that might be needed. Pen pots or trays etc. If she doesn't join in then take that spare fiver that I can see there as your payment for your time!

Take the £5 and tell her she can have it back when her desk is clear

I have a territorial daughter who seems intent on a policy of increasing her lebensraum. . .

God help her if she enroaches on my bathroom, bedroom or desk. Not gonna happen. If she's feeling crowded out of her space by her crap, there's an obvious solution.