To talk to MIL after two months or not

[Rainbowandrosessss]

Not my MIL - DP’s mum, but using it for laziness in this post!

She has always disliked me. Have tried to make effort with her but she has been impossible. Been with my DP two years and we have a six month old together.

She was okay throughout my pregnancy but turned vile after the birth - constantly criticising, making nasty remarks about my parenting, accusing me of being a bad parent and telling me that my DP was the actual parent. Made horrible comments about my mental health & guilted me into coming off of my medication because ‘parents shouldn’t be taking it’. Told I shouldn’t be having any more children as I have a health condition (which does not in anyway affect my parenting). Made comments about my weight. Undermines me and says nasty things in front of DS.

I recently went NC after she started spreading lies about me to her family, her ex-husband (DP’s dad), her mum and her DIL.

Accused me of all sorts of stuff, even started posting nasty quotes about me online.

I decided enough was enough after DP went to see her and told her he had had enough and that she was a bully and needed to stop lying about me. She didn’t back down and told him that she just doesn’t like me at all and would rather have just him and my DS to visit. He told her it wasn’t happening.

She later texted him to say ‘I can’t believe you’d call me a liar and a bully - who’s the one with a mental illness?’

She has since sent him lots of manipulative texts to which he has ignored.

It’s been 9 weeks and she wants to talk. My DP has been quite low since it all happened. However I’ve felt much better in myself. I have PND and it was definitely worsening with her in my life.

But I’m wondering if I’m being selfish and should just go and have it out with her. I don’t want my DP to be upset.

Ignore her. She can only bully you of you're prepared to be in her presence or allow her any control. If you have nothing to do with her, she'll have to find another target for her vitriol. She won't do that for as long as you're in front of her.

"Having it out" with her won't achieve anything. She will thrive on the drama and turn it all back on you.

Well I could have written the same post. Same thing happened with me and mil although I let it go on for a couple of years.

I went NC then after 1 year let her back in my house so she wasn’t lonely on Christmas Day. She started the same shit back up again. Went NC again and didn’t speak for three years. Then I was manipulated in to letting her come to my wedding. The worst mistake I ever did. She did her best to try and ruin it. Not spoke to her in three years years now. I’m not going to lie she was a big contributor to ex and I splitting up.

@Stinkyjellycat

I’m not sure which way round the vote is. Is it YANBU - ignore her OR YANBU - you’re being selfish, talk to her?

I’d have nothing to do with her. She sounds awful.

I haven’t voted because I also don’t know which way round it is.

I wouldn’t speak to her leave her to it she sounds like such a horrible bitch.

She's been absolutely vile to you, OP, and you've got enough to deal with. Staying NC with her seems like a healthy choice. If she wants a relationship with you all, she needs to mend her ways.

She's still trying to pull your strings- she had decided that she wants to talk? I'm guessing she hasn't approached this by apologising and explaining that she had reflected on her actions and realised how awful she's been? She's missing the drama of winding you up and wants to be given another chance to stick the boot in more like!!

Nope. Stay away.

And you can't make him, but your DP should too.

Naah you don’t need this in your life. I get the distinct vibe she won’t apologise or change. So there’s not much point l don’t think. I have a sneaking suspicion she only wants to meet to berate you and / or whine to all and sundry “she tried to talk to you”.

OP you've thwarted her! Thwarted her I say

By not engaging you've taken control away from her and she doesn't like it. The 'talk' is for her to reassert herself and her place.

If DP wants to talk to her you have to let him, she's his mother. He may not want to. But you shouldn't talk to her directly.

And if he does decide to talk to her, don't let him come home and tell you that you should let it go, she didn't mean it or any other variation. from what you've written I don't think he would, but I'm sure she will use the opportunity to heap guilt on him, cry, tell him she hasn't got long to live, whatever it takes to get him to crack.