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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Loyalty

73 replies

Mum1957 · 19/10/2020 21:33

I’m living at home with my 2 grown up children & we all have COVID-19!
My ex husband brought food over for the kids & they took it. I’m a high risk person yet neither him nor my kids thought it disgraceful. If it had been me I would have told him to keep his food as we’re all ill. When I told my daughter I was upset she said ‘ another drama- he’s my dad ?

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 19/10/2020 23:01

Your dd has a selfish attitude, unless she shared the food with you

katy1213 · 19/10/2020 23:13

Your children should have shared - but maybe you'd already kicked off before they got the chance? Your daughter's comment says it all; sounds like she's been there before.
On the bright side, if you're bothered about missing dinner, it sounds like you have a mild dose of COVID!

seayork2020 · 19/10/2020 23:45

I would assume by your daughters reaction this is not the first time?

RiojaRose · 20/10/2020 00:09

I can see it both ways. Yes, it’s nice that he brought food for your kids. Yes, it’s also shit that he left you out. Is it worth getting annoyed at your kids about this? Probably not - they won’t ever truly understand the relationship dynamics between you and your ex. At least, that’s been my experience. You got divorced 10 years ago? Honestly you’re probably just hurting yourself at this point. Complain to your friends or anyone else who will listen but don’t expect your kids to get it. They just can’t. I don’t mean to be harsh but he’s not going to change and you’re still letting him get to you via the kids!

Nanny0gg · 20/10/2020 00:17

The 'kids' are adults.

I'm surprised they didn't share.

Emmelina · 20/10/2020 01:01

You’re ALL ill with covid. You cannot leave the house to purchase food yourself, so he has done so for you.
You sound like hard work...

Florencex · 20/10/2020 05:08

Did he specifically tell the others not to share the food with you? That is a bit spiteful if so, but also your adult children could have shared regardless.

Are you able to get food for yourself or have enough in?

Angelina82 · 20/10/2020 05:19

I’d just be glad he bought food along for the kids to be honest. And surely if you were in danger of starving to death your kids would gladly share it anyway. You do sound quite dramatic tbh OP.

NiceandCalm · 20/10/2020 06:26

I really don't understand some of the replies here OP.
Yes it was a really mean and spiteful thing to do, you are the mother to his kids and they are living with you, not him. You all have Covid. I'd be disappointed with your kids attitude too and tell them to go live with their 'lovely' Dad!!

RoseGold7 · 20/10/2020 07:09

I agree with your DD - you’re really dramatic. Your exh did something nice by bringing food for his DC. I hope you didn’t give him Covid19. Why do you want your DC’s food? Do you have absolutely nothing in the house? If you don’t have anything then you should’ve asked - he’s not a mind reader. If you do have food, then leave your DC alone.

KatherineJaneway · 20/10/2020 07:15

Why are you not angry with your kids for not sharing what he brought over?

SonEtLumiere · 20/10/2020 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigFatLiar · 20/10/2020 08:19

Did you ask him to bring you food?

KiposWonderbeasts · 20/10/2020 08:24

I’m with your DD, you’re making a fuss over nothing.

Waveysnail · 20/10/2020 09:34

OP- get mumsnet to change your title to - ex brought food for adult kids but not for me

ReneeRol · 20/10/2020 09:48

Your daughters weary comment "more drama" says a lot. Their dad brought them food because they can't leave the house, it appears you would have complained or manufactured an issue if he brought some for you too.

You don't provide any context, no information about whether there's other food in the house (I'm sure the kids would have shared with you if there wasn't) or he brought them some favourite meals. You've been vague enough to try to present yourself as a victim. Stop doing that.

Brefugee · 20/10/2020 10:30

I'm guessing your grown-up DCs are sick of the drama? And they were hungry and he brought them food, which is nice of him.

Maybe he thought you'd throw it back at him? maybe your DCs thought the same if they offered you some?

What is the scenario here that you thought should have happened? that he brought nothing? That they shared? That they refused on the grounds that he only brought enough for them?

This may all seem clearer when you've recovered, hope you're all well soon.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 20/10/2020 11:11

He’s the idiot for leaving you out, but your kids are allowed to accept something from their dad without you complaining. He is a tool but you are unreasonable for complaining to yo children who haven’t done anything wrong.

Kaiserin · 20/10/2020 12:02

Sounds like OP hates her ex so much she would not touch any food that came from him.
And she's upset that her DC don't join in her "boycott" (hence the focus on "loyalty")
If that's how it is... YABVU OP

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/10/2020 14:42

Was it chips?

Have you eaten today?

PumpkinetChocolat · 20/10/2020 14:44

Sounds like a great dad trying to help out his kids.

KatherineJaneway · 21/10/2020 06:30

We don’t know if they did offer to share. Or even if they got the opportunity to offer to share, because they were supposed to tell him to shove it because they’re ill.

That was kind of my point but badly made by me.

Mimishimi · 21/10/2020 06:59

Your daughter's reaction probably means you need to have a really good think about how you approach them with any perceived problems with your ex. He'a your ex, not theirs.

With the issue at hand - he out himself at risk, not you.

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