Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For this giving me the rage

31 replies

Therage · 19/10/2020 13:28

I'm a grown woman in my late 20's with a house, job and children.

I happen to be suffering with hormonal acne at the moment which my GP is trying to treat with antibiotics and cream.

Whenever an aunt calls me she always says the same thing..

"hows your little spotty face doing?"

She's well meaning but It gives me the rage. I've just come off the phone abruptly because I'm just sick of it.

I'm an adult being spoken to like a child, I don't have a 'little' face and find it patronising Angry

AIBU for this giving me the rage?

OP posts:
toomanyplants · 19/10/2020 13:33

I'm sure she wouldnt say it if she thought it was upsetting!
More a term of endearment rather than an insult.
Im sure if she said "your huge spotty face" you'd feel worse.
Adult acne so hard to deal with, almost unfair when you are past teenage years, so feeling your pain I'd say YANBU, but to be raging at your Aunt... YABU.

pigsDOfly · 19/10/2020 13:33

Very odd way to speak to an adult and frankly not particularly kind to keep drawing attention to it.

I'm not surprised it annoys you.

You're both adults perhaps you could ask/tell her to stop talking to you like a child.

ForkHandlesplease · 19/10/2020 13:34

YANBU...Ask her how her big spotty old ass isSmile

LaMarschallin · 19/10/2020 13:38

Perhaps she's just trying to minimise the acne problem by adding the word "little".

Mind you, my mother used to call me and DH "the children" when we were in our mid-20s. Definitely meant to be patronising.

She's not Tess Daley, by any chance?

IMNOTSHOUTING · 19/10/2020 13:39

YANBU, it is a ridiculously insensitive and generally irritating thing to say.

flaviaritt · 19/10/2020 13:40

Sounds awful. I’ve never commented on other people’s faces and bodies. Can’t think why I would.

grapewine · 19/10/2020 13:40

You're unreasonable for not telling her to stop speaking to you like you're a child.

oldperson1 · 19/10/2020 13:41

Come back with better than your potty old mouth, but then I’m in that sort of mood today 😏

DynamoKev · 19/10/2020 13:42

YANBU she is a dick

Original poster
Therage · 19/10/2020 13:42

Unfortunately it's not an isolated thing and she always talks to me like a child, the 'little spotty face' thing just so happens to be the final straw.

Irt the acne though I'm already stressed about it and don't want to be reminded any more than I am when I have to look in the mirror.

She's the sort of person whom if you told you had an upset stomach she would ask about it every time you spoke for the next 6 months.

I had sepsis in 2019 and she still asks, 18 months later, whether the sepsis is gone Confused another thing I hate being reminded of thanks

I love her, but she is annoying.

OP posts:
ReneeRol · 19/10/2020 13:44

Sorry, I laughed when I read that. I'd joke back at her.

HellonHeels · 19/10/2020 13:45

She's insensitive at best. How rude to comment on your skin and the tone sounds patronising. Id have to tell her straight to stop it.

YANBU

MaskingForIt · 19/10/2020 13:45

YADNBU

My mother used to refer to my job as my “little job” and I wanted to fucking murder her.

Original poster
Therage · 19/10/2020 13:46

She's really not joking.

After telling me there were some lovely police horses riding past her house she then proceeded to make the clippity cloppity noise.

Telephone calls with her are so annoying, I only answer so as not to offend her then she offends me

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 19/10/2020 13:47

She's the sort of person whom if you told you had an upset stomach she would ask about it every time you spoke for the next 6 months.

My MIL is like this. She means well but has limited imagination when it comes to conversation so repeatedly refer back to previous conversations, whether it is health, returning a shopping item, the route we took somewhere... We’ve learnt to just tell her as little as possible!

Original poster
Therage · 19/10/2020 13:47

@MaskingForIt

YADNBU

My mother used to refer to my job as my “little job” and I wanted to fucking murder her.

SHE DOES THIS TOO!!

I'm a cleaner. Ok it's hardly wall street league but it's not a 'little job' and it's bloody hard work.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 19/10/2020 13:48

Crikey how ill mannered is she! What's the matter with her ConfusedHmm.

Just tell her OP, it isn't polite to comment on peoples appearance and you'd rather she didn't mention it if she can't do it in a respectful and non patronising way as it's an issue that really affects ones self esteem. She should know better, most wouldn't need to be told this Hmm

LonelyFromCorona · 19/10/2020 13:49

My mum does similar.

"did you know you've got a big spot there?" [points at nose/cheek/chin]

Err yes mum, I can feel it, I have eyes and mirrors. Of course I do.

ReneeRol · 19/10/2020 13:50

She sounds a bit odd, I'd be even less offended. I love the slightly batshit ones.

RhapsodyandAshe · 19/10/2020 13:59

As a fellow adult acne sufferer I feel your pain.
Have recently been trying a tablespoon of raw honey and a teaspoon of (ceylon) cinnamon in water each day.
Have been doing this for around two months and (fingers crossed) I am starting to see an improvement, especially regarding the cystic pustules. So might be worth giving that a go (it's not cheap though).

Laiste · 19/10/2020 13:59

She's the sort of person whom if you told you had an upset stomach she would ask about it every time you spoke for the next 6 months.

Gawd my DM does this. She is quite aged (84) lives with us and is health and death obsessed. I'm rarely unwell myself but if i ever am i hide any symptoms of illness from her because she keeps asking and talking about it LONG after i've forgotten i was ill at all! Is it well meaning and kind? I'm not sure.

If it's not her own health or a loooong dragged out interest in one of our snotty noses it's talk about someone like the bloke who waits at the bus stop's daughter's cleaner's brothers various manky operations and every last detail of every phone call he made to do arrange them Confused I mean this hunger for the tiny details of a total strangers medical condition is .... frightening tbh!

Cadent · 19/10/2020 14:04

Your aunt is being very rude and she knows it, OP. Stop letting her get away with it.

My mum also gets panicked when anyone in the family has the slightest cold (even pre-CV) but she would never belittle anyone like your aunt is doing.

Original poster
Therage · 19/10/2020 14:10

I genuinely don't think she realises she's being rude, she's just an annoying and socially unaware person.

She isn't elderly (63) and doesn't have any additional needs, it's just her bastarding personality.

She loves me and the children and I'm very fond of her in return so I make an effort to keep in touch but we have absolutely nothing in common and every time we interact she says something annoying/patronising.

It's like she can't see that I've aged and I'm no longer the cute little 10 year old who used to stay with her in the holidays Envy

OP posts:
Original poster
Therage · 20/10/2020 19:42

Another fucking comment today "hello fat bum har har har"

Hilarious. Not.

I asked her to stop talking about the acne and she just moves on to something else.

I didn't think there was any malice in it but now I'm starting to wonder.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 20/10/2020 19:50

Oh please OP,

She repeatedly makes very rude personal remarks and doesn't know it! Really.

She's just used to getting away with it and you have allowed it.

You keep calling her and she keeps repeating the rudeness.

Tell her only ONCE that her remarks are rude and you will end the call. And do it.

She will get the message.

Flowers