7 yo hits and scratches self when being told off

[yesiamyesiamokaycallmeback]

every single time there is even a whiff of being told off my kid actually screams and cries, drops to the floor or bangs his head against the wall (hard), scratches his face and body, and punches/ slaps himself.

I dont know what to do. he used to bang his head on the floor as a toddler but I hoped he would grow out of it and he just hasn't. it has gotten worse.

my Dh said we should ring the gp but our go is pretty old and I cant see him doing anything. he brushed off pnd because I still have a husband (wtf) and also his cure for mastitis was see how it goes or give up bf so... I cant see him doing anything other than blaming us (which would be fair enough but other kids don't do this)

we do not hit/ smack but we do end up shouting.
I have asked my family what to do and all of the points on the Internet searches (take away toys/ ban screens/ time out etc) have been tried and we have been consistent for years nothing bleeding works. I am scared for him. he is too old for these massive toddler like meltdowns. way too old.

we have had a breakthrough today (self isolating so off school)
he was doing his homework while I was playing with the younger ones (baby and toddler so need lots of my time- exclusively breastfeeding too so you know how long that can take from everyone else)
and he started hitting hi.self with his book and stabbing himself with his pencil seemingly out of nowhere.
now usually I get all high pitched and panicky, especially with the baby in the floor incase if throwing
but I kept calm and asked what was the matter (rather than why are you doing this) and he peeped 'im feeling left out'

I had never felt more relieved and upset in my whole life.

I am definitely going to be love bombing him
all it took was five minutes of cuddling and kissing and he's ready to work again.

I think my problem is I always come in upset and accusatory when he is already obviously distressed. staying calm and actively lowering my voice and talking slowly allowed him to open up.

thank you all so much for your suggestions and ill go and order that book ASAP. definitely feel like we have turned a corner and ill definitely try not to leave him out when playing with babys

Oh bless him, how brave of him to speak up and sounds like you responded to him brilliantly as well.
Best of luck OP

That’s great that he was able to tell you what was wrong, that’s so positive. Ok so his way of expressing it needs some work but he can and will talk to you which is great. Sending all the support and encouragement 💐

thank you so much

honestly can't express how much I appreciate