To ask, How do you process your feelings ?

[MrsNotNice]

So I’m not very emotionally mature I believe sadly due to few major traumas in my childhood.

I genuinely struggle to process my emotions as an adult and I’m teaching myself things like anger management and everything like that from scratch..

My motivation to do this is my kids. They’re toddlers.. but I’m finding the fact they need to learn those basic skills is motivating me to learn it too..

Which makes me realise I’m still stuck at that age emotionally which is a bit sad.

So anyway.. I’ve got to a point where I’ve learnt to recognise my range of emotions aside from being so black and white (negative /positive). And managed to label those feelings somehow in my head..

But I can’t figure out the part where I’m meant to not let that feeling overwhelm me. How? What do I do? I need to get on with my day while still feeling all those intense feelings and I just don’t know what to do with them. My thoughts are racing and I can’t focus until I offload them.

I need to learn to manage my emotions efficiently.

So I want to know how you process your intense and difficult emotions ?

I know it sounds like I’m on the spectrum which could be possible but it’s more likely an upbringing issue as me and my siblings all have the same dilemmas. We have been taught to handle emotions wrong and now we need to relearn things by ourselves.

Stuffofawesome

This sounds really interesting! I will look into the conference!

Beechview finding my triggers is exactly what I’ve been trying to do for the past year or so. Veryyy hard when you lack self awareness because you had lives an entire life suppressing that. But am working on it by waiting for moments when I lose control of my emotions (sadness, anger, euphoric, anxious etc..) and then note that down.

I’m naturally a problem solver. I’m pretty sure my problem solving skills come from the fact I spent my childhood ruminating over issues bigger than me and trying to resolve them.

Well it’s a skill that doesn’t help me now. I try problem solve when someone vents to me.. and it comes across as lacking in empathy but then I realised after accepting that it wasn’t helpful to my friends that this is because that’s how I process my own feelings..

I sit there stuck trying to problem solve.
So I ruminate and sit in those feelings trying to apply logic. To tell myself what’s right and what’s wrong.

I’m trying to “feel the feelings” and let them go but I actually don’t know what that means. Only now discovering !

AtLeastThreeDrinks gonna print this out and try to use it to help me break down my emotions. It’s such an amazing spectrum.

ViciousJackdaw
Might take up drawing like you mentioned !

PurplePansy05 sound like a great strategy. You mention something interesting in thag you address the situation when you are in the shower and feeling calmer.

I naturally tend to be submissive and conflict avoidant.. until things started overspilling. Reason why it reached this fad is because I naturally excuse people’s behaviour impulsively.. and now I’m scared of letting myself down again more than anything so o try acknowledge myself first before I get buried in everyone else’s bad choices.

I like the idea of tackling the situation when I’m able to see it from a third party point of view though and having a set time in the day when that might be the best time to do so.

Anordinarymum thank you for sharing your personal story. Sounded so honest and raw. Sounds so strong that you managed to develop a system of reassuring yourself when you are feelinf negative and emotional. Maybe that’s what I need. A safe space and voice in my head that allows me to experience my feelings without drowning in confidence and self criticism. Maybe talking myself out of feelings is the way forward.

lostintranslation78 will google all those suggestions on the weekend! Wow I feel like I have a road map.

user1470132907 funnily after reading your comment I visualised my mindset while in labour contractions. Imagining the contraction as a curve that intensified then fades away. Breathing through it to keep my conscious Brain in charge.. and not feeling scared to face it with the full reassurance that it will subside..

I guess what made me panick less was when I was reassured that this is natural and what the human body is designed to do.. (even though it turned out mine was complicated) but the power of the mind is huge. I kept remembering that even cats and dogs go through this and they’re tiny creatures and so I can too..

I think I did a lot of emotional growth during labour and delivery.. because of the midwife that explained how the human body works and how it’s designed for labour.

Wow maybe I can remind myself of that and how badass I am at tackling real pain and reducing it into something manageable... and I can do that with emotional pain.

I recently discovers that emotional pain and physical pain are processed In the same section in the brain! So I’m gonna use my kids to remind me that I can do it

I think at some point few years ago I became so emotionally overwhelmed that I’ve completely shut down..

I can’t even bring myself to tears over my own personal issues. I avoid anything that causes me hurt and anger..

I can only experience those feelings when I see it in a third party.. it’s almost like I have stut down any empathy I have for myself becsuse it was burning me out.

But it’s something I need to reassure myself that I can relearn. Make it easy for my heart to process deeper emotions.

Indeed it’s a muscle and I’ve neglected it for so long.

Great thread and what I need right now.

I am autistic and also had a traumatic childhood. There was stability after an early tough start but my emotional needs were never met and anything negative was stamped upon so I learned to suppress everything. Then a long marriage where my emotional needs were not met followed with divorce. I now have a great partner but I'm struggling with the more negative emotions and how to deal with them as I feel I'd like more support than he gives (emotionally) but he doesn't seem to understand that really. I am trying to figure out if it's me, him or both of us.

I can spiral very quickly and this has an impact on me physically. I've been utterly overwhelmed and exhausted the last couple of weeks and I just don't seem to be able to shake it off and don't know what to do about it. I'm definitely taking suggestions from here!