To go speak to the girls parents?

[banandbread]

Can I ask you do you get involved in your children's fights with other children?

DD came home recently and was upset because her friend was hitting her. DD hit back. My husband thinks I should get involved and speak to the girls parents as in he wants me to text them now as opposed to when I see them tomorrow at school but I'm not so sure. This is the first time anything like this has happened so I don't want to make a big deal about it but equally I don't want dd thinking I don't have her back.

If it happened in school then speak to school not the parents.

Teach your DD to say stop hitting loudly and assertively.

My oldest dc is 31. Never ever have i gone directly to a dp...
School dealt with any issues and seriously bullied once I went to the police...

When and where did it happen? How old are they? Was another adult present at the time?

Why if he thinks the parents should be involved, is your DH badgering you to do it. Tell him to crack on.

How old? If primary school age and it happened at school, I'd always suggest letting school deal with it. Too much possibility of it rebounding badly if you contact the parent directly. Tell your DD that she should play with other people if her "friend" is hitting her. And she should let a member of staff know.

If secondary age, worth starting with a chat about how DD would like it dealt with.

School. Always the school. Never the parent.

Please, dear God, please don't go direct to the parents! Go through school.

Assuming it happened at school tell the school and let them deal with it

And teach DD to tell a teacher instead of hitting back

Going direct to the other child’s parents will just put them on the defensive and achieve nothing

They are 9 and were playing at other girls house outside. Parents were inside.

If this is at school, go speak to the school.

Ok so friend hit dd and dd then hit friend. Was she hurt, how serious was the hitting?

Probably better to go via school if that’s where it’s happening. If you go direct be open to hearing that it might all be one sided.

You have to remember you don’t know the other girls side of the story. If a parent came to me I would speak to my child first to see what she says about what went on. Kids are kids and things will happen like this, it’ll be best to teach your dd how to deal with these things, walking away, hitting back, whatever you think is appropriate but be prepared for them being friends again in a few days. I had to stop myself getting involved so many times because I knew they would be friends again in a few days. I did get involved sometimes when the parents or older kids got involved, needless to say it was pointless, you can’t reason with idiots.

I don't get involved is squabbles i.e. bickering and moaning at/about each other but physical fighting, I would definitely get involved.

DD hit back, surely the girls have sorted this between them?

This was at the other girls house at the weekend. Deal with it yourselves (if you must). Teachers have enough to do with school shite.

Why did the other girl hit DD?

@MJMG2015

DD hit back, surely the girls have sorted this between them?

This was at the other girls house at the weekend. Deal with it yourselves (if you must). Teachers have enough to do with school shite.

Why did the other girl hit DD?

Yes. When did things happening well outside school hours and off school property, become something that parents expect school to deal with? As if teachers and heads don't have enough to deal with...

Also, why does DH expect YOU to deal with this? I'm not saying for a minute that he should go round to the parents. He sounds like a loose cannon. But why does he think it's your job, OP?

I missed the bit about it happening outside of school so no don’t go to the teachers about it. How did the hitting come about? What started it? If this is a one off then I’d probably leave it. Perhaps leave it a while before they play together again?

banandbread Your daughter hit back, so it’s been resolved. What you should tell your daughter if she decides to go and play with this friend again is, next time the girl hits her, she needs to either go inside the girls house or knock on the door and tell the girls parents that she is hitting her.

Maybe the op is closer to them? My dh wouldnt message other parents as he hasn't got their number. I'd think that was obvious

I wouldn't be going to the school about this at all as it's off school property/hours. I would see the mum at school tomorrow at drop off.

Husband told me he'd speak to the mum himself if I didn't want to before telling me how I obviously care more about what other people think of me than I do dds feelings.

The fight was over dd having to leave and be home and her friend wanted her to stay a few more minutes and took her bicycle so she couldn't get home.

Do you expect your children not to have arguments with friends? And if they do sort it for them? I'd be mortified if you were my parents.
It appears a one off let them forget it and move on.
DH wanting to be " the big man" and being unkind to you needs sorting though.

Unless this is a recurrant issue or DD feels scared of the other girl I really wouldn't pursue it. I would by all means talk to DD and let her know that the other girl was wrong to hit her but she also shouldn't have hit back. Discuss what DD could have done instead and what DD will do if it happens again.

I think it's more empowering for kids if we let them sort out their own problems (as long as their capable of doing so). Also the danger of contacting the other mum is that she'll hear a completely different side of the story in which your DD is the aggressor. You and the other mum might end up on bad terms long after the girls have completely forgotten the whole thing.

I would leave it. They'll probably be best friends again in a few days.

Friends don’t hit each other. She won’t be going round again and I would be talking through what happened and What she could do differently if a similar situation ever occurred.

Why do you want them to resolve this? I would happily let my DD drift apart from this friend.