To go speak to the girls parents?

[banandbread]

Can I ask you do you get involved in your children's fights with other children?

DD came home recently and was upset because her friend was hitting her. DD hit back. My husband thinks I should get involved and speak to the girls parents as in he wants me to text them now as opposed to when I see them tomorrow at school but I'm not so sure. This is the first time anything like this has happened so I don't want to make a big deal about it but equally I don't want dd thinking I don't have her back.

I'd leave this. Sounds like they both behaved badly, not just the other girl. It was a matter for the friend's parents to sort out since they were ostensibly "supervising" but they missed it. If this was a one-off, I wouldn't worry about it, just tell your DD to tell the parents if it happens again. If it's not an isolated incident and this friend is often aggressive, I'd be looking at ways to downgrade the friendship so your DD is not left alone with the other child in future.

If your DH confronts the girl's mother all guns blazing, it will not go down well particularly as your DD hit back. What do you expect the other parent to say?

Your DD has sorted it herself and the friend is unlikely to hit her again if she knows she'll get clobbered back.

They will be friends again by end of school tomorrow.

well they both hoit each other didnt they so 6 of one and all that

sounds like the girl was just upset prob didnt mean to start a fight

I don't think I'd even speak to the other parents about this, it sounds like the girls resolved it themselves and if they're friends again now It may have been a one off that won't happen again. Speak to dd about ways to manage of it happens again but it sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other.

I've seen dads get into actual fights by "having a word" with parents over stuff like this, the men approaching another parent often doesn't like being told their own child behaved just as badly, or started it, or was worse and then fully grown adults fall out and the kids are best friends again the next day.

the men approaching another parent often doesn't like being told their own child behaved just as badly, or started it, or was worse and then fully grown adults fall out and the kids are best friends again the next day.

Good point. And what your DH ought to think about is what he wants to achieve by talking to the other girl's parents? Does he want them to punish their child? If so, then you also need to be prepared to punish your DD since she was also hitting. Similarly, if he wants them to make her apologise, then apologies will need to go two ways. If he just wanted to make them aware that there has been a falling-out and some inappropriate behaviour between the two girls, I would have more sympathy, but it sounds like he is spoiling for a fight. If I were the other girl's parents and another parent attacked me aggressively at the school gates over something I wasn't even aware that my child had done, I'd be trying to end the friendship and certainly wouldn't be offering any more playdates.

Kids fall out all of the time. The girl hit her, and your daughter hit her back. All sorted now. No need to speak to their parents!

I have once, just because I knew the parent and it wasn't just an isolated incident - it had been going on for a while until the last straw was then the girl punched my daughter. The girls mum was glad I told her rather than going to the school.

I think it depends what your relationship is like with the girls parents. If it was friendly I'd probably bring it up by talking about the friend not wanting DD to leave and taking dd's bike (presumably to stop her from going).

It sounds like the situation escalated from there. Assuming that neither DD or friend was seriously hurt - no marks or bruises from the hitting- then I think it's more important that DD learns strategies for getting past difficult situations with friends. Like telling the parents that she needs her bike back now or even leaving without it rather than ending up in a mini fight.

Don't text, call them or better yet go through the school to sort it out.

It didn't happen at school.

I intervened once and spoke direct to his mum after the bullying continued after school despite the school pulling him out and speaking to his mum, and she was very apologetic to me and horrified at her sons behaviour.

I'd leave it - the girls sorted it out themselves. Your daughter is old enough to know whether she still wants to be friends or not so follow her lead. I'm in a minority here but if a girl had thumped my 9-yr old daughter then I'd have expected her to thump her back! Never instigate but stand up for yourself.