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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU is it time to call it quits?

34 replies

DiniDee2019 · 18/10/2020 17:04

Ok so this is my first time posting, as I really do not know which way to turn.

Me and my Fiance have been together 3 years, we got engaged in September and our ds arrived in May. The house we currently live in I moved into alone and I am the sole tenant on the lease my fiance moved in 18 months ago. We have always split the Bill's 50/50 even though he earns 3 x as much as me. As I am now on Maternity leave he contributes 3/4 and I contribute 1/4 aswell as buying all of the milk nappies and things for our ds.

Without lockdown it has been really difficult as since February he has been working from home. This has been incredibly difficult with a newborn whilst he was trying to work and often made me feel awful when ds was crying.

As time has gone on he has become more and more short tempered with me, calling me names and making sly comments about weight and the fact I dont do anything apart from take care of Ds.. which he says it's not like a job. This is despite the fact I do all of the housework and he doesn't lift a finger.

Anyway he is now getting quite aggressive in his temper and shouted at me today how much he hates me and how much of a dog I am and that he will leave but he said I depend on him and wouldn't be able to survive without him so I am to appreciate it like a good little bitch.

Really stuck what to do, we are in top tier restrictions so it's not even like i can go and stay with family or even just get away

I really do not know what to do, I do not want my ds growing up in an environment with him acting as he is and I can see it only getting worse

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/10/2020 17:09

OP, you poor woman.

You are in a highly abusive relationship with a horrible man, who thinks he has you where he wants you and you don't have any options.

First off, you can ring the police and they will physically remove him from the house.

Secondly, ring Women's Aid and ask for help.

Can you call family and friends for emotional support.

The police WILL come and remove him.

You do not have to accept this.

Please reach out for support IRL.
Flowers

dimdarkashian · 18/10/2020 17:09

Kick him out of your house

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 17:11

Anyway he is now getting quite aggressive in his temper and shouted at me today how much he hates me and how much of a dog I am and that he will leave but he said I depend on him and wouldn't be able to survive without him so I am to appreciate it like a good little bitch
Jesus fucking christ. Get away from him. Please.

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 17:13

Do call womens aid. Oleae6. As soon a possible. Someone needs to know about this in real time...was all do now ,but please call women's aid or someone like that...before you have time and play it down. As I'm sure you already do,a lot.

So sorry this is happening to you and your baby.

Wer2Next · 18/10/2020 17:13

Kick him out and claim UC.

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 17:14

1800 341 900
There op. Call if you call.

Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2020 17:14

He’s nasty and abusive. Your life will be easier without him.

You’re the sole tenant. You can literally kick him out.

You should never accept anyone speaking to you like that. Never.

mbosnz · 18/10/2020 17:15

Kick that nasty bastard out. If you've got anyone that could do it physically with a literal boot up the arse, get them in on the act.

How the fuck dare he?! At least you found out now, before you married the arsehole. He was a little bit too quick off the mark to show his true colours, wasn't he?

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 17:15

If you can* sorry so may spelling mistakes I was typing too fast

Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2020 17:15

And tell people why when they ask. Tell them the truth - tell your family, your mum that he’s abusive, nasty and doesn’t respect you looking after your baby.

Mydogatemypurse · 18/10/2020 17:16

Call womens aid and get him out. It will be the best thing you ever did. You will get financial support. Womens aid will help you with emotional and practical stuff.

Starfish1021 · 18/10/2020 17:17

This is so awful. As others have said kick him out, but I’m sure given the circumstances you can go and stay with family. I’m sure I saw that domestic abuse is a reason for you to leave. But having him removed is likely to be your best option.

Toebarb · 18/10/2020 17:17

This is awful OP.

Starfish1021 · 18/10/2020 17:17

I mean a reason you can break the lock down rules

Mydogatemypurse · 18/10/2020 17:17

The police can remove him from the property if you tell them you dont want him there.

NewtoHolland · 18/10/2020 17:19

Leave ❤
What a nasty piece of work, you and your son deserve a happier home. Is there anyone you can go to for a few nights? Women's aid or your local DA service can support you in the next steps getting him out of the flat. Is there anyone who could pick you up while he's out for a bit? Xx

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 18/10/2020 17:22

OP this is abuse, please call women's aid and go and stay with family. You do not deserve this and he cannot get away with it.

BigBlueHouseBear · 18/10/2020 17:22

How awful for you. Please leave you don't have to put up with that.

Escaping abuse is absolutely allowed during restrictions and there is also a free rail travel scene to allow people to get to a safe place/family etc

sadeyedladyofthelowlands63 · 18/10/2020 17:24

we are in top tier restrictions so it's not even like i can go and stay with family or even just get away

OP, you are allowed to break lockdown restrictions in your situation.

The Government have said "anyone who is at risk of, or experiencing, domestic abuse, is still able to leave and seek refuge. Refuges remain open, and the police will provide support to all individuals who are being abused - whether physically, emotionally, or otherwise,"

LuaDipa · 18/10/2020 17:26

You can leave, but I agree with pp. Call the police and have him removed. It didn’t take him long to show his true colours.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 18/10/2020 17:28

Get out, now and fast.

CrazyToast · 18/10/2020 17:32

Yes if your partner is aggressive and calls you a bitch and a dog, it is time to leave him, or get him removed from the house in your case.

You are allowed to break lockdown restrictions in an abusive situation, which is what you are in.

Imakemistakeseveryday · 18/10/2020 17:39

You deserve better than to be treated like this and there is help available, no matter what the local restrictions are. It seems like you realise you need him to leave and the Police and Women's Aid can help sure that you are safe then and afterwards. You are absolutely right that he will get worse and that it will harm you and your baby to stay in the relationship. Life will improve, you are worth more than this

Beautiful3 · 18/10/2020 17:52

He is being abusive. Please call your mother and go stay with her. You are allowed to, even in a restricted area.

Sarahandco · 18/10/2020 17:54

Tell him to leave straight away! You need to show him that no you do not need to rely on him. You will need to top your income up with benefits and he will have to contribute.

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