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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU is it time to call it quits?

34 replies

DiniDee2019 · 18/10/2020 17:04

Ok so this is my first time posting, as I really do not know which way to turn.

Me and my Fiance have been together 3 years, we got engaged in September and our ds arrived in May. The house we currently live in I moved into alone and I am the sole tenant on the lease my fiance moved in 18 months ago. We have always split the Bill's 50/50 even though he earns 3 x as much as me. As I am now on Maternity leave he contributes 3/4 and I contribute 1/4 aswell as buying all of the milk nappies and things for our ds.

Without lockdown it has been really difficult as since February he has been working from home. This has been incredibly difficult with a newborn whilst he was trying to work and often made me feel awful when ds was crying.

As time has gone on he has become more and more short tempered with me, calling me names and making sly comments about weight and the fact I dont do anything apart from take care of Ds.. which he says it's not like a job. This is despite the fact I do all of the housework and he doesn't lift a finger.

Anyway he is now getting quite aggressive in his temper and shouted at me today how much he hates me and how much of a dog I am and that he will leave but he said I depend on him and wouldn't be able to survive without him so I am to appreciate it like a good little bitch.

Really stuck what to do, we are in top tier restrictions so it's not even like i can go and stay with family or even just get away

I really do not know what to do, I do not want my ds growing up in an environment with him acting as he is and I can see it only getting worse

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 18/10/2020 17:56

I have a job you can do , take a load of bin bags , pack up all his belongings and put them outside the front door and then tell him to join them . You do not need this waste of space in your life .

Usernamqwerty · 18/10/2020 18:03

Sending you lots of hugs OP xxx

pigsDOfly · 18/10/2020 18:03

Please get someone there, police preferably, when you tell him to leave and get him removed. Don't do it while you're alone.

BornOnThe4thJuly · 18/10/2020 18:04

@Starfish1021

This is so awful. As others have said kick him out, but I’m sure given the circumstances you can go and stay with family. I’m sure I saw that domestic abuse is a reason for you to leave. But having him removed is likely to be your best option.
This poster is right you are able to go and stay with family in a situation like this, regardless of what Tier your area is in. That might be best into ally, then if he won’t leave, you can get the Police to remove him when you feel ready to go back, as he’s not on the tenancy he obviously has no right to stay without your permission.
Scweltish · 18/10/2020 18:05

Ffs op, of course you can leave!! You’re not going to get arrested for fleeing an abusive partner! You can also have him removed from your house if his names not on it. The red flags were there all along with the differences in finances, now look at quickly its escalated as soon as he’s considered you vulnerable and trapped.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 18/10/2020 18:30

Since the flat is in your sole name, sooner or later you will need to get him out, or surrender the lease. Getting the Police to remove him would mean that you don't need to go anywhere and your baby's routine can be maintained.

This doesn't sound like a situation which is going to get better, at all. Get help, get him out and then sort out things like maintenance, benefits, your return to work and so on. Make sure your family and friends know what the situation is, so they can support you.

Waveysnail · 18/10/2020 19:48

Start by sorting childcare for return to work if you havnt already. Give work notice that you are returning to work. Once you have your ducks in a row then ask him to leave. If you are scared go to a relatives and ring him and tell him to leave. Then get relative to check he has left, poss worth checking with landlord of you can change the locks. In this situation restrictions dont apply. Your trying to leave an abusive situation

billy1966 · 18/10/2020 19:53

Domestic abuse trumps EVERYTHING.
The police are stressing this everywhere.

The figures are huge.
They are primed.

OP, the police are your friend here.
Please call.

You CAN TRAVEL.

Travel restrictions do not apply to you.Flowers
👍

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/10/2020 19:58

You can travel, but if you can manage it safely, it’s probably better for him to leave. Do you have any burly friends/relatives who can help him on his way? Women’s aid can talk you through this

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