To not pay for this training course for my DH?

[ChilledTomotoes]

My DH has been unemployed for nearly 4 years now due to health reasons (severe anxiety). He is now much better and has been looking for work.

He used to have a professional job in the NHS and earned a good salary. He’s adamant that he wants to get into project management and wants to do Prince2 training. He has no experience of project management really.

If he does the Prince2 he would still need to apply for trainee roles as he has no experience. But he thinks the qualification will help him get a job. Would it really though?

It would cost approx £500 and although I have the money, we have very minimal savings. I’m scared to lose this money on something which will have no real benefit.

On the other hand would it show he was really serious to employers?

AIBU - yes you should give him the money
UANBU - no he should get an entry level job first

In the circles where I work Prince 2 is frowned upon/not rated anymore 🤷🏽‍♀️

I do a PM type role in the Financial sector.

We are currently recruiting for a junior PM and we have a company that provides interns where I think they pay for the training and in return the people get a set wage for working at other companies. That would be the only way we would consider taking anybody on with no experience.

I'd echo a lot of what has been said here. It really annoys me that a lot of people think that being a PM is some cushty number that any fool can do provided you've attended a training course and worked on a couple of projects. Good PMs make it look easy, but honestly you need excellent interpersonal skills, you need to be incredibly organised and you need a hide of steel. I had to take a step back from it when DS was younger and I had some health issues. And now I'm back and doing a good job of it I'm trying to stop them from making me into a programme manager which is the next level, as I know my strengths and weaknesses pretty well. Unlike your DH it would seem.

I agree with you OP. He needs to earn some money even a minimum wage job would make a huge difference to the joint pot and he may well find his confidence and self esteem improves from being back in the work force.

This sounds like it's about more than just getting a job, tbh. What is he like in other aspects, OP? If you wanted to do something, do you feel he'd support you?
How much research has he done regarding the availability of jobs in PM, and the qualifications/experience they require? Or does he think this course will magically get him a job?
If he's had so much money spent on him, harsh though it may seem, he really needs to start being realistic as to what he can bring to the table.

Fuck no. He's a lazy freeloader judging by your updates. I have awful anxiety, but you can't just sit around and expect your partner to fund your existence. He's kidding himself doing this course and choosing this career if he can't cope with high stress. You do so much for him, he should be bloody grateful, not going into a strop like a 2 year old. If he wants to do the course, he should get off his arse and apply for ANY job he can get at this point.

It also sounds like he's looking for excuses not to look for a job.

I did Prince 2 online from home via a Groupon deal and it was much cheaper. The foundation course was about £200 including the online exam.

The Practitioner level was more (maybe £500) but still much less that attending the course and exam in-person as well as paying for hotel accommodation for the week as the nearest course was held in a city which is difficult to commute into and out of each day.

And there you go. As usual it's a DH problem. Just such a shame you used up all your savings on him.

If he's at home all day he does all housework and childcare. You would be expected to. As for stropping because you won't pay for a course? You're not his mum.

Does he feel 'emasculated' by you too? And what exactly does he do all day at home? Would it by any chance have anything to do with porn or gaming? Meanwhile having no sexual interest in you because he's too 'depressed'. God it's all so depressingly predictable.

It's very simple. He is an adult and needs to contribute. If he doesn't your relationship will not survive. He will no doubt tell you that you 'can't tell him what to do' and he's right. But you can stoping giving him any money, paying for anything he wants, and doing anything for him. Because that's exactly what he done to you So it works both ways. He can't tell you to do anything either.

But to be honest you would be better without him.

4 years of no earnings and draining the family and extended family’s savings for 5K+ a year?
Feeling better but not enough to pull his weight with kids and housework but better enough to go and do a £500 course with the idea that he’ll get a high stress job with no experience?

Tell him the shop is shut.

I think after being out of the working environment for that long, he needs to get any job. Just to see how he copes and to get back into the routine of having responsibility and having to be somewhere on time.

Supermarkets may start advertising for Christmas staff soon.

My friends DH was made redundant from PM couple of year's ago and got Christmas work in our local Tesco. They recognised his good work ethic and potential and offered to train him up to store management.

Unemployed for 4 years isn’t going to look good on his CV, he needs to get any job to show that he can cope with a job and not get anxiety again before he starts spending that much money.

Why is he not doing the housework?

I see from your other threads you have a 12 and 8 yo. Is your dh contributing by feeding them / washing / helping with homework etc?

DH did Prince 2 and was very short but intense so might not be a great start for someone with anxiety.

Also I'm not sure it would make much sense until he'd got some experience and knew what project management really involved.

I've managed several projects now and I don't have Prince 2 training. The best way to get into project management is experience, then if you find you need the qualification later to get certain jobs or go freelance, that's the time to do it. Having Prince 2 on your CV with no discernible practical skills will be relatively meaningless.

The project managers I know are always on the job search. They get hired for a specific project and when it is over they have to job search again. They aren’t let go because the company doesn’t like them as I have seen them return to the same place over and over again through the years.

I’m skeptical it’s a good field for someone who has been off work for4 years because of stress.

God he just needs to get a low stress job and see if he can cope with it rather than picking a high stress career. He also needs to stop wallowing in his own self pity and start pulling his weight at home.

If he believes he needs this certification first, I would suggest he go find any job and earn the money for the course. That way he gets work on his cv and proves to himself he can handle it.

I think you have much much bigger problems than this £500. He is spending £100 pw on therapy yet isn't able to shift his arse and do the housework. You must feel as though you have done your bit to support him, if this has gone on for four years. It's not as though you enjoy your job. I really feel for you.

If he's planning to take on a training course for what sounds like a stressful job, then how does he know he'll cope with that job, if one was even available?

It sounds as though he'd do better trying to get any job, just to get into the habit of working. It stands to reason that a new stressful job wouldn't work for him.

Long-term do you see a future for you together?

I'd second what others have said -

Try Futurelearn free courses there are some good ones.

PM work can be stressful. You're pulling everything together and responsible for it all. I did it for a while and decided it wasn't for me although it would depend a lot on the organisation of course.

Get a book on Prince 2 and learn it that way - he could always put on CV that he has 'good knowledge of Prince2' that way and wouldn't be lying?!

Agile is used at a lot of places now as an alternative PM methodology - it's seen as more fast paced (fail fast fail cheap) and completely different to the waterfall approach of Prince 2. Maybe a book on that too.

PM is not the role for him.

What's stopping him getting a job as a delivery driver ? Lots of demand for deliveries at the moment.

A friend's high powered DH's role came to a grinding halt with Covid this year. Within days he had a job delivering for Waitrose.

I have nothing but admiration for his drive.

It wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't rise through the ranks pretty quickly, however he is absolutely mucking in and driving. He isn't earning anything like his previous salary but he is covering his living costs (and Waitrose discount, too)

Tell him to apply for the civil service- they are now recruiting very flexibly. They will have entry level programme management or just generalist Policy jobs for £27k and once in he can seek out programme management roles. They have basic courses available for general jobs but many managers will support you to do Prince or Agile or APM. If he gets into one of those roles I’m sure they’ll be happy to support his training. Even if he doesn’t, most people are really bored by Programme Management Office functions (ie charts and spreadsheets) and are quite happy to dump that on whoever is willing, and if that involves training so be it.

He can also apply (simultaneously) for the project delivery fast stream if he has a degree. It takes ages. He’ll start on around £28k and will be expected to be at £55k in 3-4 years. And lots do short term secondments to the NHS or similar or the private sector.

A lot of successful applicants are already civil servants (though recently joined) as they are more likely to understand what’s being asked for.

Four years is a VERY long time to be not working. Either his MH problems were so severe that he was totally incapacitated, or he is too lazy and entitled to take a job that he sees as beneath him. I think you have supported him for too long and if he wants the course, he should go out and earn some money to pay for it.

As @temproasted said - the FutureLearn sure has some great free courses.

Why doesn't he take some of the free Project Management ones first and see how he gets on?

I'm afraid doing a Project Management course that takes about 50 hours is not going to get your DH a job as a Project Manager.

In my experience the people I worked with who had a Prince 2 qualification were keen to generate a lot of documentation but had little or no idea on how to actually manage a project.

Ask him to effectively manage the housework problem