Is hubby being Unreasonable

[gg12346]

I have mentioned this a couple of times earlier but I am not very confident of sending DD to school this year .There is already a high risk alert in my area and the number of cases are increasing .I have diabetes and ds has congenital heart defect ,both are high risk for covid 19 .Ds plays with my neighbors son outdoor with whom we have formed a bubble due to childcare issues .

There has been 7 cases of corona in my child school as well .
Now I have decided everything .I have enrolled in home schooling school .I contacted ds teacher who recommend a tutor who can teach him english and spag .Now obviously ds is a high ability kid and goes to a outstanding school .We have one week left to make a letter to head and dh is today shouting at me that Ds will become a low ability kid if doesn't join school and he is quite upset about about it .Ds is in year 2.

I am just thinking in the larger scheme of things what matters more ?

Op you are doing what you can to protect your family against uncertainty. Anyone with a kid who has health problems and no answers would do the same. Ignore stupid comments about anxiety or overreacting, it's not their situation, or kids at risk.

OP, did you know that a total of six under 15s have died of Covid in the UK, out of over 11 million children? That includes children with underlying health conditions.

Here's a link to the stats:
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/deathsregisteredweeklyinenglandandwalesprovisional/weekending2october2020#deaths-registered-by-age-group

You say you are not asking for advice whether you should send your son to school.

You do however ask is your hubby (sic) being unreasonable? But the only thing you mention about your "hubby" is that he says the child should be going to school. So to answer the question No your "hubby" is not being unreasonable especially in a situation where English is not your first language.

I think this is a very hard question to imagine if you don't have a child who's vulnerable. So please be careful how you word your messages if you are in the fortunate position of NOT having to worry about this.

Personally, I don't blame you for being cautious but I agree that talking more with a consultant or similar could help you to contextualise the actual risk.

It's a huge decision though and one which really does need both parents to be on board. So I would suggest trying to find a calm quiet time when you and DH can discuss this more to try to understand each other's position more. And ultimately that might mean adjusting your position to find a compromise. Would a fixed timescale be an option eg we will homeschool until the next half term eg end Feb which should have us through the worst of the winter peak?

@gg12346 dd is on chemo to help with a health condition as I have had huge anxiety over her being back in school so believe me I get where you are coming from

However, I think the cardiologist is being irresponsible. They absolutely can give you advice on the risk of transmission for your son. They can run tests to test his immunity levels as this is what dad's specialist have done for her.

If dh is now against it you do need to find a middle ground, neither of you can make this decision without the other being on board. Can you discuss with the school what other options are available. Perhaps being in school for half a day, can they arrange a smaller bubble? Dd's school have very tight class only bubbles, within school no child interacts with anyone outside their immediate class. Would the school consider this maybe?

The school have a duty of care to your son so they also need to help find an appropriate solution that best protects your son and his education

No one here can tell you what you should do about the schooling. But your DS is as much your DH's as yours and you need to look into this further so you can try to agree.

I dont think anyone is saying you dont have a difficult decision to make but at the moment you are making it without proper medical advice. Your Cardiologist is right it is a personal decision but it is one that you should be making with far more clear medical advice as to your personal decision.

Yes 5 children have died with underlying health conditions - what you need to know is exactly what the risk is to your DS with his condition.

You have diabetes - which as the article says again increases your risk. But that article also says that age is still the biggest factor. Again seek advice.

The truth is it is not just up to you to make this decision - it should be a joint one. Based on facts about your medical risks and the implications of home schooling. How will you get him back into school. What will this do to his academic abilities. How are you going to home school

Dd's school have very tight class only bubbles, within school no child interacts with anyone outside their immediate class.

This school are doing that anyway. One extra person really won't make a difference in terms of risk yet could give a fantastic life experience.

Why post if you weren't going to take on board any responses?
It is illogical to keep your child from going to school, but allow them to play with the kid next door, who likely is going to school. So on that basis alone Yabu.
I think your son is likely to struggle to keep up with his peers if you keep him off school, as frankly unless you're as smart and skilled at teaching as a teacher, you can't provide learning to the same quality.
You also mentioned that you will be getting a tutor, who will be interacting with countless other kids in the week and again makes it pointless keeping your child off school. I'm assuming your dh works too so again (unless he's wfh) he's going to be interacting with others and at risk of bringing it home. So, overall Yabu

Did you just decide everything or have you had a discussion with your partner?

Your child s in built ability wont change whatever you do.
And even if he misses a year of school if he reads and does appropropriate ativities watches blue planet etc he can keep learning.
He is six.
Read to him and with him.
Use online learning resources
Whether in school or not this year wont matter long term if home environment provides opportunities to learn

Don’t expect your place back if you’re home schooling ‘short term’. An outstanding school will have a waiting list.

It is home education not home schooling. They are actually mean two different things here in the UK.

Have I missed something, but why is it obvious that he's high achieving and the school is outstanding?