Concern for friend - WWYD

[Pearsapiece]

More if a wwyd rather than aibu.

A friend and colleague of mine has spent the last nearly 2 years loosing weight. She's done incredibly well and I'm so proud of her. She's lost about 6 stone and looks (and clearly feels) absolutely amazing.
She goes to the gym almost daily and chooses her foods wisely. Still drinks a lot as any 27year old would and allows herself a treat at the weekend. All good.

I had no concern about her until a revelation yesterday. A conversation started about nutty things no one knows about you. She said she watches YouTube videos of people eating. When I asked her why, she said because she couldn't eat it she liked to watch other people eating it. Apparently its a very common thing and these people have lots of subscribers so it's clearly 'a thing'.
My worry is that she's bordering the realms of an unhealthy relationship with food. It can't be healthy to miss food so much you watch other people eating it for pleasure?!
Should I say anything to her about this? Warn her to keep an eye on herself or something. I wouldn't even know what to say to her if I did say anything.
Any advice?

I do this when I’m on a diet too.

You need to butt out (in the nicest possible way).

Whatever she is doing - it is clearly WORKING for her.

Would you rather she put on 6+ stone and was unhealthy again.

I didn’t miss the point by the way @Bluntness100 I’m formerly fat. I love watching those food programmes. I get two things from it. Enjoyment at seeing this unreal food and also a massive sense of achievement that I am in control again. Maybe she’s getting the same thing.

OP she clealry had a questionable relationship with food, but that’s true of almost everyone who is significantly overweight or who was. To lose the weight, your fiend has had to readically overhaul her relationship with food and try to develop new habits—it’s an addiction and it’s really really hard, it’s not surprising she has coping mechanisms. I don’t think I would be seriously concerned about what she said if she is otherwise eating well.

I’m in a similar weight loss situation to her (not as successful though!) and things like gorging yourself or bingeing are very common but highly disordered eating habits. They are extremely difficult to train yourself out of—she likely uses the videos of eating to deal with a need to gorge, like an “I either do it or watch someone else do it.” I don’t do this but my issue using to be sugary binges—now I will go to the shop and spend 10 minutes staring at the cakes/choc etc then buy some fruit. Definitely a part of disordered eating, but part of a process of training yourself away from damaging behaviours.

She’s lucky to have such a caring friend, you seem like a great person! I’d say support her, tell her she can tell you anything without judgement, and be a good influence for healthy habits with her. I think the best things you want to say he out for are binge/purge cycles as well as any obsessive control over food.

I think the fact she’s lost 6 stone suggests she’s always had a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food. The fact she’s taken it upon herself to she’d such a huge amount says to me she’s in control now.

If she gets something from those videos then fair enough. I find it bizarre but then we’ve all got our little quirks.

I assume she knows it’s not the norm but as long as she’s physically doing well, I don’t really think there’s much you can say. People don’t like being questioned even if it’s from a good place.

The other thing, OP, is that people usually share their "weird" habits in humour, to make people laugh, often in irony. Is it possible you are taking it out of context?

Also, is it at all possible you have a subconscious motivation here - what is your relationship with food like, do you mind me asking?

Hmmm it’s tricky - we watch a lot of food videos - but it’s more Food Ranger, Mark Weins and Strictly Dumpling where they go to different restaurants/food stalls and try different food (often in Asia) so we watch it for similar reasons to your friend and for variety and to see potential holiday destinations etc. Rather than to watch a random person eat a spag Bol because I’m eating a salad.

It’s hard to judge unless there are other unhealthy aspects to her weight loss/maintenance

It's pretty common to become a bit into food smells/sounds/feeding others when restricting calories. Some diet clubs (eg the Lighter Lifes of this world - the 600-1000 calorie ones) even warn you it can happen.

It's not so much about obsession as it is about finding other ways to enjoy something you love in a new way.

I definitely bake more when I'm watching my weight. I get more satisfaction out of literally one tiny crumb nibble and watching my DH/DS eat it than I would eating a big old slice and then feeling guilty afterwards!!

Relationships with food are weird, especially for those who've had issues with weight. This one isn't awfully harmful, in my experience. I'd much rather a friend watch people eating than eg eat and purge/eat and excessively exercise/replace foods with pills/become obsessed with weighing and measuring themselves etc - all of which are way more common.

sounds great to me - living vicariously. As PP have said she was very overweight, she probably already has an unhealthy relationship with food.

She's an adult.
Mind your own business.

@wheelywheelynice

She's an adult. Mind your own business.

What a bizarre response and a bizarre worldview?

OK thank you all for your replys.
I hadn't thought about it from the aspect of watching cooking shows for example. I do this all the time (yes, James Martin uses a lot of butter... And double cream!).
Someone asked about my relationship with food. I'm currently pregnant so my food relationships are with cheese mostly! But as a teenager I struggled to maintain a healthy weight and make healthy choices. I was severely under weight and often had 2 meals a day, one of which was some crisps and chocolate. However I'm now in the healthy range for my weight and eat a very balanced diet. I think my concern for my friend is more that I don't want her to end up as I did, severely underweight and under pressure to out it on. I obviously don't want her to be dangerously overweight either and I'm so proud of how well she's done.
I won't any anything but just keep an eye on how she is generally. I do honestly think she's fine and the comments about watching things like man vs food etc has made me realise its more normal than I first thought.