Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel left out

35 replies

Whenismumhome · 16/10/2020 20:45

I started in my current job over a year ago and during my first few days I met this woman that works there and we talked and became friendly.

We didn’t really bother after that, apart from when just passing eachother, but within the last few months we became more friendly and have started to socialise with eachother outside of work.

Anyway, she’s been having trouble with another colleague in the workplace recently who has been making up false accusations about her.

I only found out about it today as she told me, but it turns out some other people in the place have known before me.

AIBU to just feel a wee bit left out?

OP posts:
MissEliza · 16/10/2020 20:46

No this is a complete non-problem.

Tanfastic · 16/10/2020 20:47

I wouldn't get involved. If she has a problem with another colleague she needs to discuss it with her manager.....

Eckhart · 16/10/2020 20:50

Why do you think she should have told you first?

Original poster
Whenismumhome · 16/10/2020 20:51

@Eckhart

Why do you think she should have told you first?
Because I would consider us to be quite close and It would have made me happy to feel she could have discussed it with me
OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 16/10/2020 20:51

@Tanfastic

I wouldn't get involved. If she has a problem with another colleague she needs to discuss it with her manager.....
this
Eckhart · 16/10/2020 20:53

But she has discussed it with you. What I was asking was why do you think she should prioritise telling you before anybody else?

Leaannb · 16/10/2020 20:53

So its all about you

Thomasina79 · 16/10/2020 20:58

I don’t think an issue such as this, which is about a colleague, should be discussed with anyone, other than her manager. I would feel uncomfortable knowing that she is talking about this to other people; it is a confidential Matter.

Nikhedonia · 16/10/2020 20:59

It would have made me happy to feel she could have discussed it with me

In the nicest way, it isn't really about you. Your colleague is entitled to handle this situation as she sees fit

WishingOnACarrot · 16/10/2020 21:00

But you're not "left out" as she's specifically told you herself, therefore including you in the knowledge of what is going on.

Whether she should be discussing with you and other colleagues is a separate issue.

Kaiserin · 16/10/2020 21:42

OP, you sound rather jealous and self-centered.
Shouldn't you be worrying more about the well-being of your friend?

Cheeseandlobster · 16/10/2020 21:43

@Kaiserin

OP, you sound rather jealous and self-centered. Shouldn't you be worrying more about the well-being of your friend?
This ^

This is not about you

babygroups · 16/10/2020 21:45

This is all very childish op.

Original poster
Whenismumhome · 16/10/2020 21:52

Of course I am worried about my friend. I am here to support her.

I just felt a bit hurt that I wasn’t the first to know as I thought we were extremely close and it would have made me feel good if I knew that she thought of me as someone she could go to first

OP posts:
Tattoocrazymum · 16/10/2020 21:55

Surely you cant be serious?

Original poster
Whenismumhome · 16/10/2020 21:56

@Tattoocrazymum

Surely you cant be serious?
Yes I am very much serious.
OP posts:
Ameliablue · 16/10/2020 22:00

You say you are extremely close but the original post really doesn't give that impression. It's sounds like it's a relatively new friendship so not surprising she wouldn't tell you straight away.

Cheeseandlobster · 16/10/2020 22:00

This is not about making you feel good Hmm

LG101 · 16/10/2020 22:03

Classic anxiety, it’s not about you and even if she did tell other people first what does it matter? It’s not a competition on who is the best of bestie friends.

Why does it matter so much to you? Is it more you feel left out and wanted to feel special. Would knowing first cement your friendship better in your head.

YABU - maybe it slipped her mind, someone found out a different way or was involved and it’s a stressful situation for her. It’s not about you FFS

RLOU30 · 16/10/2020 22:08

AIBU to just feel a wee bit left out

Yes. This is an extremely OTT and dramatic way to look at things. If I was your work colleague/friend and found out you felt this way I would probs back off.

Eckhart · 16/10/2020 22:40

Do you make sure that she's always the first to hear all your news, 100% of the time?

NualaSays · 16/10/2020 22:46

Gosh, your view of friendship is exhausting. Is every piece of news, life event or occasion in all your friends’ lives a moment of silent competition for you, as you try to figure out where you stand on some inner pecking order? ‘Yay, first to hear Janet is pregnant! She must think I’m great!’ ‘Boo, only fifth to hear Charlotte’s getting divorced. She’s off my Christmas card list!’

katy1213 · 16/10/2020 23:05

Never mind - with luck another of your friends will have some bad luck soon and you'll be the first to know, as that's what's important.

WishingOnACarrot · 16/10/2020 23:09

It may be that the order in which she told you was nothing to do with how much she thinks of you /values your friendship.

She might have told other people before you as they've worked there longer /know the character of the other person better/them themselves might have had a run in with her.

DownThePlath · 16/10/2020 23:31

"It would make me feel happy" "It would have made me feel good"

Hmm ... pattern occurring here.

Swipe left for the next trending thread