To feel left out

[Whenismumhome]

I started in my current job over a year ago and during my first few days I met this woman that works there and we talked and became friendly.

We didn’t really bother after that, apart from when just passing eachother, but within the last few months we became more friendly and have started to socialise with eachother outside of work.

Anyway, she’s been having trouble with another colleague in the workplace recently who has been making up false accusations about her.

I only found out about it today as she told me, but it turns out some other people in the place have known before me.

AIBU to just feel a wee bit left out?

All I’m saying is that I am a quiet person and I have found making friendships difficult.

I want to feel included and liked. That’s why. Maybe I do come across as selfish, maybe I am selfish but the reality is I just want to be made to feel like I matter by at least one person outside my family.

Well this is starting to escalate.

I think you might be best off getting some counseling. Talking about another work colleague like this is a bit bunny boiler.

But the situation wasn't about you. A good friend wouldn't be complaining that she wasn't first to hear someone's bad news.

@Whenismumhome

All I’m saying is that I am a quiet person and I have found making friendships difficult.

I want to feel included and liked. That’s why. Maybe I do come across as selfish, maybe I am selfish but the reality is I just want to be made to feel like I matter by at least one person outside my family.

You are not entitled to other peoples info. Keep this up and you won't have a friend. To think you should be the first to know anything about anyone besides yourself shows a level of entitlement that is absolutely ridiculous.

I think some pp have been unnecessarily harsh. I would guess that this is a problem with your self-esteem and that you are looking for some external validation that you are a 'good' person. It's not a healthy thought process but, unless you have told your friend you are upset, its probably doing you more harm than her. In the long term, you should to get some counselling to help you have a more balanced thought process. In the short term, you could try looking for something on CBT on the internet. You should find some activities to help you consider things from different perspectives.

Hi OP, I am going to be honest and say that I often have the same feelings and thoughts you have described. It is really annoying as it makes me feel shit and I wish I could be all bright and breezy about this stuff like some here.

I don't have any answers, apart from try to ignore that inner voice, but wanted you to know you're not alone.

Maybe the colleague feels closer to the other's then you.

I think you need to work on your resilience and do an inner analysis of why you feel this way as really, past school age this isn't the "norm".

We all want to feel we belong and matter to people, but we should also have enough resilience and awareness that other's might prefer to talk to others, about their problem's - and that it's not a personal slight that needs analysing.

It is not up to others to make you feel better about yourself

Get a grip.

@Whenismumhome

All I’m saying is that I am a quiet person and I have found making friendships difficult.

I want to feel included and liked. That’s why. Maybe I do come across as selfish, maybe I am selfish but the reality is I just want to be made to feel like I matter by at least one person outside my family.

And you don’t think that this might be a contributing factor to why you struggle with friendships, if your response to hearing about a friend’s trouble is to make it all about your need to be liked and to mentally calculate how many people knew before you did?

In the nicest possible way, OP, you need to work on your self-esteem. It’s not the job of a new work friend who’s got troubles of her own to subordinate those to boosting your sense of your own importance.