So angry & bitter

[Brunchickle]

Work-related. Went for a promotion for a senior position in my field after taking on a newly created post. Worked really hard to establish the role, put in place operational practice, essentially crafted the job, created the blueprint. Was asked lots of searching questions at interview, how would you do this etc etc........only to be rudely informed via a curt phone call a few days later that I was unsuccessful. I say rude, because the person who interviewed me even went as far as to call me out on some of the work I’d done; “........you secured a lot of money, as you say you did.” Then added that she wasn’t sure I’d even done the work myself!!! Or whether other partners had done it!! How fucking rude!!!

Anyway, job was given to someone who knew nothing about the field or the role; & that person then came to me tapping me for knowledge. I am so, so pissed off. This person later tried to soften the blow by calling me “an expert in the field,” and she also told me she knew I delivered in operational terms. This happened a few years back, and whilst some might say suck it up & get over it, essentially it’s fucked my career. I’ve been kept at a low level in a subsidiary post whilst others, who started after me & have no experience whatsoever in the field are seemingly promoted by said person with alarming regularity.

I am so hurt by this experience. I don’t understand why this has happened, and what more I could have done. AIBU to feel like this? And what do I do from here? She’s effectively slammed the door in my face. I am gutted. She managed to drain me of all my ideas for good practice as well, & then used this knowledge to roll the job out on a wider scale.

My confidence has been shattered & I’m so, so angry, at her, & myself, as I believe I’ve been used & wrung our to dry.

Who knows why you didn't get the job. Even if you asked at the time, you probably wouldn't have got an honest answer.

You can work in exactly the same way but in one environment you can't do anything right and in another you are the best thing since sliced bread.

How much more energy do you think you should put into this? Isn't it time you let it go and moved on?

I totally get this. The same thing happened to me. I would have loved to have move on but couldn't because TTC and needed the paid mat leave Id built up as I'd been there a while. I'd put my heart and soul into the job and the role was the natural next step and would have really worked for me. Like you I was given bullshit reason for rejection. It was also termed in quite a hurtful way - I suspect not to encourage me to develop myself but to take the wind out of my sails and stop me from fighting back.
I was really down about it for several years but I went back for the minimum time after mat leave, got another great job and now have my dream job, which is much better paid and secure than my previous.
When I handed in my notice, they kicked into action and suddenly started offering me promotions, pay rises, exciting new jobs, you name it. At that point it all felt a bit late in the day. I"d been fighting for that stuff for years, if they'd given it to me when I applied, I'd have probably stuck with them for ages.

perhaps they are were afraid of your ability?

Really really doubt this. That's a nice urban myth but not what I've ever seen happen.

I have just finished reading Karen Brady's autobiography, which is where the think like a man thing come from.

Fair enough @ClaireP20 😊

@EatPrayYoga

Sometimes you just don't fit in within an organisation or you don't fit their ethos and culture. I know people where I work who are good at their jobs but they will never be promoted because they have traits that are not valued and or are missing traits that are valued or they don't follow simple rules that the business values. These people (I can think of three where I work) don't realise this and if asked would make excuses as to why things aren't working. Like I say they're not bad at their jobs, they just don't work the way management want them to. Individually they're all very bright.

Yes actually this is a very good point. I've seen this.

They probably knew you weren't mobile and wouldn't leave

When management know you'll stay without the promotion,
then they'll give it to someone else who would otherwise go

If you still feel bitter years later, you need to search for another job,
because you are unhappy there, your bitterness shows and sounds like they won't promote you in the future

Poor managers do have favourites for promotion
and will take advantage of people they think will always suck it up

When you are in that situation, you can only move firms

If you have been unable to find another job, or haven't even tried .... either of these also says something about you

It might be they could pay the other candidate substantially less than you.
Ive seen it happen.
You do come across as a bit entitled.
No job is " yours"
It might have come across in the interview

Aside from anything else your manager is not going to promote you if you’re not supportive of her.

Managers want team members who make their life easier and can work with the to support common goals and objectives.

covered bosses role for mat leave , never came back, took on role as 12month secondment, then invited to interview for permanent role (a formality, just following the process, etc) Job given to outsider with no relevant experience- TOLD i had to get them up to speed, didnt happen as they quit within 3 months , was asked to cover againuntil they interviewed again.
This was the point when i realised that there was something about ME that didn't fit, so declined ,resigned and moved on.

Stay while it still suits you but don’t over invest yourself anymore.
What CPD can you do at the minute- so much is available online right now.
Think about where you’re going, not where you’ve been.

They may have realised you were likely to get pregnant again soon and be off on maternity leave for a year - illegal discrimination of course but it does happen.

I feel for you OP. Similar thing happened to me last year, and that person has just been promoted again. It really hurts. I’ve been stuck in a junior role for years, despite a wealth of experience. Working part-time has been a massive block to promotion, for me and many other women in the same area. I really love the company I work for but this issue overshadows everything and eats away at me. As soon as my mat leave return period is over, I’m out of there, unless something changes drastically.

If you don't want to leave, or can't, then I'd suggest malicious compliance. Do as little as you can reasonably get away with and provide no initiative or "added value" to your role. At the end of the day, if they don't give a shit about you (as seems to be the case) then you owe them no more than the bare minimum stated in your contract. Just be careful to "play the game" and don't be seen to be deliberately obstructive. If you can afford to live on what they pay you and it suits your lifestyle at the moment then quietly get on with the minimum that you need to and keep an eye on the door. Plus if there's any specialist knowledge or contacts with your role that are only carried in your head then make sure that goes with you; don't feel you have to train up your replacement.

1. Do not help person who won the position over you. If they say they’re asking for your expertise advice just coyly state “oh but you’re clearly the expert in this field, hence why you got the position over me’ - if you help the other person it will only strengthen management’s view that they gave the job to the right person and you won’t get any of that much deserved credit
2. Ask for feedback about any previous positions judgements
3. Speak to management, mention your ambitions and ask for advice/tutoring on achieving these goals. Show them that you’re serious and willing to take on more responsibilities to achieve this.
4. Start applying for jobs elsewhere on the sly. It will at least give you valuable feedback and will be based on your skills on paper rather than any office politics that may be happening at your place of work. It will also help you identify any weak spots that you can improve on.

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC

Its a hard one op. I will answer on two levels:

1. Folk aren't promoted because they are good at their jobs. They're promoted for political reasons. Always.

For example, people who care about people and have good people skills may be passed over for promotion because the bosses want someone who will cull, gut and cut without any regard for the human beings involved; people who are very competent are often left to languish in junior roles and used to prop up senior staff who are more fun to drink with. It happens all the time. The way to address this is to move jobs and start afresh politically.

1. Its a job. It isnt your identity. Do you have other sources of self worth? Think about this carefully.

I agree - you need to look for anothere job. Why be loyal to a company that doesn't appreciate you? You're obviously talented so you'll have no probs finding a job with another employer.