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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be about to lose my temper with Bridezilla colleague?

56 replies

NotLikeTheRegulars · 16/10/2020 11:26

The wedding isn’t even until NY! There is no conversation that can’t be directed to mention The Wedding. She’s even declining work and rearranging projects (which has a knock on effect on the rest of us) because ‘I’ll be sooooo stressed’ Hmm there are going to be ten people there and one of them is the photographer! Wtf is there to stress about?!

OP posts:
WinWinnieTheWay · 16/10/2020 11:32

I don't think that she can let it affect her work? Her manager needs to have a word with her about that as it's taking the piss.

Otherwise, it is annoying, but she's just excited. Smile, don't comment much and change the subject as much as you can. It will stop after the wedding.

Original poster
NotLikeTheRegulars · 16/10/2020 11:36

I think if it came off as excitement it would be very different. It’s more like Veruca Salt planning a bootcamp!

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 16/10/2020 11:38

Fuck that shit - tell her manager.

TurquoiseDragon · 16/10/2020 11:44

If it's affecting her ability to work, and this is impacting on you, then yes, tell her manager.

waltzeswithsnobs · 16/10/2020 11:45

Suggest she take unpaid leave until after The Wedding. After all, planning a 10 person wedding is basically a full time job in itself...

FTMF30 · 16/10/2020 11:47

Declining work projects is definitely not on. I'd tell her manager.

unmarkedbythat · 16/10/2020 11:49

She'll be more stressed if she loses her job, won't she? YANBU.

Original poster
NotLikeTheRegulars · 16/10/2020 11:56

I felt petty talking to a manager but she’s just turned another perfectly innocent conversation into wedding fever. Bloody hell.

OP posts:
WhereverIGoddamnLike · 16/10/2020 11:59

Dont talk to the manager about her constantly mentioning the wedding. Tall to the manager about her refusing to do her work and dumping it on the rest if you.

That's not about the wedding; that's about her not doing her job, and you having to do it for her.

romeolovedjulliet · 16/10/2020 11:59

she settle down after the wedding but be prepared for all details on repeat, the wedding dvd recording and the honeymoon details.

nevermorelenore · 16/10/2020 12:04

Oh lord. There's nothing worse than working in a small office with someone who is planning The Wedding of the Year. I suggest you start looking for a new job now, in case she gets pregnant on her honeymoon.

nevermorelenore · 16/10/2020 12:06

@romeolovedjulliet

she settle down after the wedding but be prepared for all details on repeat, the wedding dvd recording and the honeymoon details.
Did you know nowadays the videographer sends you a wedding trailer? I sure do, because my ex colleague had one uploaded to youtube and spent an entire day showing it over and over to anyone who walked past her desk.
popcornlover · 16/10/2020 12:09

Every time she talks wedding just start talking about the Mumsnet relationship board and all the “I have found Tinder on DH’s phone” threads. Mind you, you might be doing her a favour: if she’s driving you mad she’s probably driving hubby to be mad too, and driving him straight into the waiting audience of Tinder!

popcornlover · 16/10/2020 12:10

& maybe she’ll get wise to it.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/10/2020 12:12

@NotLikeTheRegulars

I think if it came off as excitement it would be very different. It’s more like Veruca Salt planning a bootcamp!
Grin Can just picture it.
Original poster
NotLikeTheRegulars · 16/10/2020 12:17

Oh yes, we’ve heard about the Youtube ‘promo’ (and picked the song) Shock

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CleverCatty · 16/10/2020 12:21

Tell the manager. Do you like this colleague?

I find it irritating how much other colleagues talk so much about their weddings - yes I did with mine (now divorced) to a certain degree but always knew and realised I had my own work to do so kept a lid on it.

Had my annoying marketing colleague who modelled herself on Carrie out of SATC and had similar name who bored us all stupid because she met her future DH in the office, so we got regaled with her Agent Provocateur gifts from him to her (vom!) and anything else he bought her lingerie wise then she would parade all her fashion and beauty buys in the office - thought she was some style maven and thank F then buggered off to Paris to buy her wedding dress! We had to have the whole engagement (Venice gondola proposal) story - thank F they didn't film it! Grin

My worst was - about a year ago I joined a gov office on a contract - not one but two women were getting married and one was my boss - it was tasked to me and the other PA (who didn't want to do it) to organise their work hen dos. When I said I didn't really want to do it (large department, involved collecting money etc for gifts etc) I was told it was 'part of my job' even though it wasn't strictly work! They were both women who didn't really like Prosecco and dancing so I ended up booking a French table football bar (after lots of research into other lively places) which they really enjoyed - I cried off sick along with the other PA (who was permanent).

I saw photos of one of them getting married and luckily the other one got married a month or two after I left.

Original poster
NotLikeTheRegulars · 16/10/2020 12:25

I really did used to like her but she's lost the run of herself. It's a shame, because some of the things she's doing sound very considerate- e.g. she's live streaming the ceremony, which I'm sure her family and friends will appreciate, but we got the in depth run down of the terrible stress of the process instead.

OP posts:
Wouldcouldcantwont · 16/10/2020 12:27

Tell her, that to reduce the stress on her about the wedding the office should be a wedding free zone. No discussions allowed - it’s for her own good!

CleverCatty · 16/10/2020 12:30

@NotLikeTheRegulars

I really did used to like her but she's lost the run of herself. It's a shame, because some of the things she's doing sound very considerate- e.g. she's live streaming the ceremony, which I'm sure her family and friends will appreciate, but we got the in depth run down of the terrible stress of the process instead.
I would then do what Wouldcouldcantwont suggests and either suggest a wedding free zone or just politely or semi jokingly have a coffee with her and say sorry but it's getting too much and if she doesn't tone it down you might have to tell the boss.

Maybe say it's impacting on you doing your work.

You have my sympathies

FelicityPike · 16/10/2020 12:31

Half whisper “I don’t fucking care” over and over.
Write a footer in white on your emails “no one gives a shit about your wedding”.
Look deeply into her eyes and say “I’m actually loosing the fucking will to live” then walk away.

Original poster
NotLikeTheRegulars · 16/10/2020 12:33

Felicity, I feel like you have been through this before and it has affected you greatly Grin

OP posts:
CleverCatty · 16/10/2020 12:34

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

Dont talk to the manager about her constantly mentioning the wedding. Tall to the manager about her refusing to do her work and dumping it on the rest if you.

That's not about the wedding; that's about her not doing her job, and you having to do it for her.

This - just tell the manager she is dumping her work on you.

Years ago I worked for a medium firm where we had to do audio typing (I'm a PA) as well as PA work. We took on a young woman whose first job it was doing this but also had an evening job as a DJ (before midnight) - it soon became apparent to anyone that she tried to do as little work as possible and passed work (tapes) onto me - she chatted on the phone to friends as she heard her colleague who's a marketing person (same thread here see Carrie SATC wannabe) but that colleague had been there far longer so got away with it.

After a few months of her doing this - palming off work on me - the bosses noticed and made her redundant which she was very angry and upset about - but skiving and palming off work onto others is never good.

At the very least your colleague should get a friendly chat from your boss, a warning otherwise.

Badgerbadger88 · 16/10/2020 12:36

I wonder if she’s anxious about it? Getting all worked up about it being perfect.

After the wedding she’ll have such bad post wedding blues. Sad

She sounds like a hard work @NotLikeTheRegulars but I do wonder if there’s something else going on with her to make her this way?

If I were you I’d approach the manager in a “I’m worried about her.....” kind of way. And mention it’s effecting her work, her attitude and that something seems off.

You never know it may make her realise she needs some help with her emotions, mental health Smile

chocorabbit · 16/10/2020 12:36

When she says "no, I won't be able/am too stressed" can't you reply "but I/we can't do it either, it's too much work and it needs to be done. I also did x, y and z which you also refused to do".