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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to take DP with me for my smear test?

55 replies

CoralFish · 15/10/2020 15:14

I suffer from anxiety around medical procedures in addition to the normal discomfort of a smear test. They always have to change speculum part way through (I tell them they need a longer one but it's still never quite right) and last time I went to the doctor I had a panic attack when they tried to take my blood pressure, which made it too high, then too low and it was all very silly.

I feel like a right baby and I wish I could just get over it, but I think it would be better if DP was with me. Am I being pathetic to take him into the nurse's room with me, and will it even be allowed with Covid?

YABU: Suck it up and go by yourself - a smear test is nothing and with Covid it's silly to have more people than needed at the surgery

YANBU: It's fine to take him for a hand-hold

OP posts:

SummerHouse · 15/10/2020 15:16

Not unreasonable in any world I want to live in. But sadly probably not allowed at the moment.

ReeseWitherfork · 15/10/2020 15:18

I absolutely don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to take DP in under normal circumstances. I’m a bit “suck it up!” and would love to tell you to just deal with it but I know in reality it’s not that simple so if it helps then carry on. I don’t think it makes you pathetic. HOWEVER... not right now. They probably won’t even let you. And I don’t think it’s appropriate in a healthcare setting to have more than are necessary. I’m sorry. Do you think you’ll still go?

FlorenceNightshade · 15/10/2020 15:19

You could phone and ask to speak to the nurse in advance if your appointment. If you’re not allowed your DP with you perhaps another member of staff could sit with you, offer reassurance etc

GoldenPlover · 15/10/2020 15:19

I dont think you'd be allowed at the moment, I've seen lots online about partners only being able to attend part of the birth of their child and no visitors allowed after a patient has had an op etc so I don't think you'd be allowed

Pyewhacket · 15/10/2020 15:20

Covid rules mean that he won't be allowed in. These apply even in A&E.

Notimeforaname · 15/10/2020 15:21

If they will let him in,absolutely take him along.

Original poster

CoralFish · 15/10/2020 15:26

@ReeseWitherfork

I'll still go, because I have been putting it off since March and DP will drive me there to make sure I do, even if he has to wait outside.

I really wish I could get over this. Someone was describing giving blood the other day and I only managed not to faint because I grabbed DPs hand. The tactile stuff is the best coping mechanism I have come up with, but I wouldn't want to ask to hold a HCA's hand at the moment (although I have in the past!)

OP posts:

MrsMinton · 15/10/2020 15:27

Ring your surgery and ask to talk to the nurse that will do your smear. Chat through your concerns and give them the info ahead again about the things you need. I don’t think you’ll be allowed your DP with you but they may agree. Please go even if he can’t though. They aren’t nice and I understand the anxiety but mine in June has saved my life. Put me through some major surgery this week but given me a chance to be well.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2020 15:29

During these times they may not allow it.
I don't think you've anything to lose by asking them.

ReneeRol · 15/10/2020 15:30

You won't be allowed to bring him. Suck it up and brave it out. Fake the bravery until you are...

ReeseWitherfork · 15/10/2020 15:33

Well done OP for still going, just keep reminding yourself of how many medical procedures you could be avoiding if you missed smears and (god forbid) didn’t pick up on something. I don’t mind medical procedures and no real issue with smears but I don’t find them pleasant that’s for sure! They’re bloody awkward and uncomfortable. You’ve got this 💪

porridgethighs · 15/10/2020 15:35

Ring the nurse and explain your anxieties, she will be able to offer you a chaperone.
Don't feel bad about it, it's very common.

S00LA · 15/10/2020 15:36

I dont think you’ll be allowed in. I wasn’t allowed to stay with my ( just turned ) 16 year old son while he had his face and mouth stitched up (sports injury at school ).

ReasonablyUnreasonable · 15/10/2020 15:36

I have a real fear of the doctor, absolutely no idea why.

I had to go in for a routine check up to get a repeat prescription the other week. I asked in advance and they let my DM come with me. No problem xx

Scottishlassie81 · 15/10/2020 15:40

I'm the same when I need to get bloods taken. There has been almost fainting and tears. I'm pushing 40.

I have my flu jab next week and I am starting to feel a bit sick already. Even though it's over in seconds.

Same with blood pressure cuff. My heart rate goes up cause I panic at the squeezing feeling.

I build myself up to it so I can do it for my health but I know how you feel. It's awful.

Roselilly36 · 15/10/2020 15:40

Try not to worry OP, I got myself really worked up, when I had a smear just over a year ago. It was done so quick, no problem at all. Good luck well worth having it done.

jeaux90 · 15/10/2020 15:51

YABU just get on with it. It's unpleasant yes but thousands of us have to get it done every day so there is nothing risky or dangerous about it.

purplediva · 15/10/2020 15:52

I had a smear test last week and the nurse asked me as she called me in if i would like a chaperone, so although maybe not your DP someone may be able to come in with you from the surgery

Twofurrycatsagain · 15/10/2020 16:10

Might be a daft idea but if you can't take your DP in could you talk to him on the phone during the procedure? Obviously I'd discuss it with the nurse before

Nonamesavail · 15/10/2020 16:11

I have hospital anxiety and just had tongo for a breast scan on my own. Just had to suck it up.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 15/10/2020 16:16

They are unlikely to let him in, so you'll just have the weather it. Sorry, OP.

ittakes2 · 15/10/2020 16:18

My Pap smear nurse offered to prescribe me Valium to take before I went in to calm my nerves. A doctor also told me that my cervix was slightly different angle to most women and to tell the nurses to head for my bum which seems to reduce the pain.

Disappointedkoala · 15/10/2020 16:18

I doubt you'll be able to take him in at the moment due to Covid-19 restrictions. It's been patient only for every appointment that either me or family members have been to since March (at both GP and hospitals).

Good on you for going, it's so important.

Whatifitallgoesright · 15/10/2020 16:20

Maybe you have a tilted uterus - often reason for wanting a longer speculum - put your hands into fists and put them under your bum cheeks to lift yourself up, it means they can get round the corner easier. I did it today and its only the usual mild discomfort and quite quick.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 15/10/2020 16:23

It sounds like you need some counselling for this issue. You can't live the rest of your life not even being able to have your blood pressure taken because of anxiety. It's a real issue and is clearly affecting your day to day life.

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