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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take DP with me for my smear test?

55 replies

CoralFish · 15/10/2020 15:14

I suffer from anxiety around medical procedures in addition to the normal discomfort of a smear test. They always have to change speculum part way through (I tell them they need a longer one but it's still never quite right) and last time I went to the doctor I had a panic attack when they tried to take my blood pressure, which made it too high, then too low and it was all very silly.

I feel like a right baby and I wish I could just get over it, but I think it would be better if DP was with me. Am I being pathetic to take him into the nurse's room with me, and will it even be allowed with Covid?

YABU: Suck it up and go by yourself - a smear test is nothing and with Covid it's silly to have more people than needed at the surgery

YANBU: It's fine to take him for a hand-hold

OP posts:
ohnothisagain · 15/10/2020 16:34

If he can’t get in, i’m sure tgey would allow him to be on the phone, maybe even a video call? not great, but at least something

vanillandhoney · 15/10/2020 16:35

He won't be allowed to come with you, I'm sorry Flowers

NoGoodPunsLeft · 15/10/2020 16:36

Could you try taking propanalol (not sure that's spelt right!)

Someone described it to me as knowing what you were doing/what's going on but feeling really calm

sunshineandshowers21 · 15/10/2020 16:38

if you call beforehand and explain they may allow it. my sister suffers from anxiety and i was allowed in the room with her last week whilst she had a coil fitted.

Feefifo9 · 15/10/2020 16:40

Totally not unreasonable. I always take my lovely OH because I have PTSD related to that area of my body due to my history. My GP’s rule is that only patient unless they are under 18 or vulnerable. So this was allowed for me. Ask.

ShellsAndSunrises · 15/10/2020 16:44

Be a bit forceful about it. I have to be, because I need a little speculum, or it fails. Make it clear before your clothes are off. It’s a lot better for me now...

My nurse did offer to hold my hand during mine in July, although she did have gloves on. I was shaking, so she offered. I wasn’t that worried, once the speculum was right, I just have a shake sometimes, but it was a nice offer!

All the best x

Alexandernevermind · 15/10/2020 16:53

I second what @Whatifitallgoesright said about the fist under your back to tilt your pelvis. Certainly ask if your DP can attend, although I doubt if they'll let him tbh. A smear is a good opportunity to chat candidly to the nurse about your sexual health anyway, so for this reason I would prefer to be alone personally. If you do suffer from anxiety about medical procedures do make sure it is noted before you go in - your nurse will be amazing, honestly. But please don't put your smear off.

babygroups · 15/10/2020 16:55

Could you ask for some Valium to take before your smear? My DM had to take it for her last couple of smear tests.

Original poster
CoralFish · 15/10/2020 17:10

Thanks so much for all the wise words and the reassurance. I have been told I have a tilted womb (by the angry nurse who did my worst ever smear test) so I will definitely try the pelvis lifting thing.

I have coped before by myself and I will cope again. My current plan is to do my best not to embarrass myself whilst I am in there, with the knowledge that I can burst into tears as soon as I get back in the car to go home.

This is a relatively new surgery for me, and when I saw the nurse to register she was incredible, so fingers crossed it's her doing it.

OP posts:
BritWifeinUSA · 15/10/2020 17:15

Try Rescue Remedy or something beforehand.

Plussizejumpsuit · 15/10/2020 17:18

I'm not sure how things are at the moment. But it's not unreasonable to feel like that. I have anxiety but not so much about medical procedures. However get me in a lift and I'm in full blown panic mode. So we all respond differently to different situations. Don't feel bad for needing this. Maybe call the surgery to see if it's OK.

LeSquigh · 15/10/2020 17:19

@CoralFish As he probably won’t be allowed in could you (and I realise this may sound mental but bear with me!) wear one of his tops so you can smell him?

The scent of something familiar can be very reassuring and almost like he’s with you. I have been known to do this myself (not for medical procedures) and it has really helped me on occasion. Close your eyes and he’s there.

moaningmyrtle1 · 15/10/2020 17:28

Not unreasonable at all. I totally get how you feel, I am terrible with blood tests/injections/dental procedures and in normal times I need to bring someone to hold my hand. I am ok with smears and recently had to have a colposcopy/biopsy which I was an absolute nervous wreck for but I did it alone and I feel good for it. If you are allowed to bring someone, absolutely do it. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Camparispritzandcrisps · 15/10/2020 17:33

You're clearly a strong and responsible person to go and get your smear OP, despite the anxiety. Don't put yourself down!

You've had some great suggestions re calling ahead and counselling - have you thought about CBT? I am exactly the same with injections (woman of steel until I have to get a flu jab!) and I've found CBT sessions so helpful in keeping me from fainting or freaking out!

Nosenseofhumour · 15/10/2020 17:55

The fists under the bum was a game changer for me at the grand old age of 55 and many really bad smear experiences. It really works with a tilted cervix. Good luck Thanks

cptartapp · 15/10/2020 18:08

I'm a practice nurse and would have no problem letting your DP in too. Better that than you don't attend.
It's down to the nurses' discretion here although it doesn't happen often.
I've already done similar for parents bringing DC for immunisations.

Lorw · 15/10/2020 18:45

I know how you feel OP. have an absolute fear of anything medical related too. Gives me a panic attack, every time I have blood taken for example I pass out, I had to go to hospital with DH after he got unwell last Boxing Day and I just spent the whole day crying and panicking and then spent the next 3 weeks having random anxiety crying fits and I wasn’t even the one in hospital 😂 tbf my DH being there only makes a marginal difference.

Please ring up and ask 😁 you never know! I hope it goes well for you 😌

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 15/10/2020 20:25

I had my last smear test à couple of months ago. For the first time ever I was asked if I was (currently, or ever) a victim of domestic abuse. If you are allowed to take dh in, please be prepared for him to be asked to step outside for a moment. There has been such a devastating rise in DA since lockdown that they are taking every opportunity to support women (and men).

ChocolateCherrybomb · 15/10/2020 21:19

And here I was, thinking we were beyond telling people with mental health problems to "suck it up".

Seems I was wrong.

People cannot "suck it up" any easier than they could before this damn virus appeared, in fact the presence of Covid and it's related rules make health anxiety many times worse.

Ask at the surgery, explain your issues to them.

You don't know until you ask. I am guessing your anxiety is also stopping you from asking. They can only say yes or no.

People who answer you here, neither know you nor the staff at your GP's surgery and have no control over or knowledge of what their answer would be for certain despite some of them quite clearly believing they do. The "no" of an internet random replier means nothing. Ask your nurse.

Original poster
CoralFish · 16/10/2020 13:49

Update!

So I went, by myself, and the smear was absolutely fine - she listened to me and got the long speculum right first time and the fists under the back was a brilliant tip - she found my cervix straight away which has never happened before.

Then I went to do my blood pressure on the machine, nearly fainted, had to go back and have it done manually and have now been marked as having low blood pressure. Wasn't until I got in the car and took my mask off that I saw my lips were completely grey and it's amazing I didn't actually pass out, so no wonder it was so low.

So close...

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 16/10/2020 15:12

Ah amazing, well done! The smear was the hard bit and it’s great it was fine and you stayed calm. Can you buy an at home blood pressure kit thing? (Don’t even know if that exists!) Just to practise on?

LaBellina · 16/10/2020 15:18

Well done OP.

Good that you put your health first.
I read your previous posts and it's completely unacceptable that a nurse got angry and treated you careless so if you ever encounter this again, just tell her to stop immediately and tell her you want to see someone else or you'll come back for a new appointment with another nurse.
You don't have to let anyone touch you that doesn't treat you with respect, regardless if it's during a medical procedure or when you're with a partner.

Randomness12 · 16/10/2020 16:37

Sounds a bit silly OP, and you’ll probably feel a bit daft but could you perhaps take a bear or a scarf or something if the tactile element calms you? I underwent hypnotherapy a few years ago for a needle phobia and she recommended it to me. It’s been a process but I can now have vaccinations and blood tests alone by stroking/pinching my own hands.

Anurulz · 16/10/2020 16:42

Well done OP..Flowers

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/10/2020 17:01

The tactile stuff is the best coping mechanism I have come up with Take a teddy bear? Our phlebotomist puts a pillow on your lap (not now with Covid) to rest your arm on, and as well as making it easier for her, the comfort from the weight of the pillow on your tum is enormous.

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